Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Recent Adventures with Edna

Meet Edna.

Well, that isn't exactly Edna, but it does hold her hostage.  I have one of those cool, modern phones, that no one over 12 can operate half the time.  Inside this phone is a GPS program.  Or as the cool people call it, a GPS App. 

The first time I met Edna, I had a dentist appointment, and wasn't familiar with exactly where I was going, so I plugged the address into the GPS and this pleasant female voice guided me right to my location.  I'm pretty sure that was just to get me hooked.  Then the pleasant person who guided me the first time was replaced by some grump, with a really sucky sense of direction.  Meet Edna.

I'm not sure why I named her Edna, she is slightly nasal, and she sure whines a lot.  If you have to stop at a stop light, she gets all pissed off and announces repeatedly that she is "adjusting" arrival time, since you are a moron who is stopped in the middle of the road.  And I'm pretty sure that the more she has to "adjust" the more she develops an attitude and gets really pissy, because apparently she doesn't believe in stopping for any reason.

She also gives you bad directions, and then is pissed, when there isn't a road going through the middle of a house, or a bank in order to get you to the location you so desire.  Then she starts her whole re-routing speech.  That's pretty much the straw that broke the camel's back in Edna's world.  She becomes short, and terse, and you can almost hear what she is thinking, "This moron can't drive, first she has to stop at intersections, I mean seriously, who does that?  Now, she is all pissed off because there isn't some road here.  Hello?!?  She drives a truck, hasn't she heard of off-roading?!?!  What a moron!  I guess I'll re-route the bimbo, because obviously she doesn't know how to drive, and she thinks that she has to keep her precious truck on the road.  I mean, c'mon, where is her sense of adventure?"

By this point, Edna isn't the only one is perturbed.  I have usually given her the #1 driver award several times, as well as called her names, that I'm only slightly ashamed of.  So Edna, although reluctantly, does give me an alternate direction, she doesn't like it, and she voices her displeasure with her clipped words, and sighs.

So this Christmas I'm on the lookout for a new person to man my GPS App.  I'm thinking Goofy, or perhaps Donald Duck, because surely they wouldn't get mad at you for stopping at stop lights and not driving through buildings, would they?

Thanks to the Parade of Homes Tour, Edna and I aren't currently on speaking terms.  So any comments for her will have to be directed to her attention, because I'm still pissed at her for wanting me to drive through 2 brand new houses, instead of around the block.  Then she has the gall to tell me that I'm not on a marked road.  Yet, she had already directed me down that particular road twice today.

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