Friday, September 23, 2011

5 Question Friday

Thank goodness! It's been a long week of exams, homework, tutoring and procrastination. Whew. I'm exhausted.

We don't have much going on this weekend. Tomorrow is Tech football, so the hubs has to work the majority of the day. I think I'll shop stay home and study. I have got to find some time to get some of my Scentsy stuff taken care of so I can have my open house in 3 weeks (gasp). That's probably more realistic vision of my day tomorrow.

The fair is going on here, and I'm thinking we might put in an appearance tomorrow night, while the rest of the city is glued to their television watching the football game. I got one word for you people - DVR.

Have a wonderful weekend.

1. Dream job...realistic and completely unrealistic.

Accounting. That's my realistic one. I love the stuff, which is a good thing since that's what I'm going to school for. I am so ready to start taking accounting classes, because they are just so much fun. No, there wasn't sarcasm included in that last statement.

No I'm not crazy, why do you ask?

Unrealistic. Retired and rich. So that I could travel and go on vacations and see all these things and go shopping instead of paying the bills. Because I would have people who paid the bills. And I would have more money than the national debt and it would double every week. Wait, the national debt kinda does that now, so maybe the government could just throw that money at me. Who do I talk to about that?

2. Do you fart in front of your significant other?

Yep. He's a guy. He does guy things. When we are at home, or in the car together, fine. But when others are present. Nope. It's rude.

And never, under any circumstances fart at my grandparents house. They are just too snooty to do something like that. Ever.

3. What's the furthest you've ever traveled from home? How far and where was it?

I've been to Minnesota and Pennsylvania and Florida and California. I don't know which was the farthest, but they were all far away from home. But then again, school is far away from home and it's only across town.

4. How do you celebrate birthday for your kids? Family only or friends? ... Alternate for those without kiddos: How did you celebrate birthdays as a kid?

We do birthday dinners. On my side of the family the only "kid" that is nearby is my 10 year old cousin. They live 2 hours away, so we don't always get to celebrate a birthday with him. But we try to have dinner for the birthday's. Which I love.

We used to get together with John's parents and sister and her fiance for birthday dinners, but since we became evil, we haven't done that since February. We weren't invited to the June birthday, we didn't invite them to the September birthday (mine, considering I didn't get a phone call, but a message via my husband I'm kinda glad I didn't) and I'm guessing we won't be invited anymore. Which is fine. 90 minutes of walking on eggshells isn't my idea of a birthday celebration anyway.

5. Fave thing about fall?
Cooler weather. Halloween, it's my favorite spooks birthday. The fair, my birthday, and football.
I don't care if I see the football or not. But there are good memories spent at football games with my grandfather. And those memories get me through October when we celebrate his birthday, his wife's birthday and their anniversary, as well as the day we lost him. I don't know that I will ever be able to watch a football game in that stadium ever again.
Oh, and I can't forget the awesome temperatures, because it's great when it's 54 in the morning and 98 in the afternoons. In September. Because it's not like that doesn't confuse a body.
Happy Weekend. You have until Midnight to enter my giveaway. Other wise, my good friend "anonymous" gets the warmer.

Thursday, September 22, 2011


I don't realize how lucky I am, or how much my husband loves me until days like today.

He is willing to sacrifice his happiness, his career with a nation wide company, to change jobs for $20,000 more per year, so that I could quit my job and simply worry about school.

I'm not saying it wouldn't be a blessing. It would. It would make my stress level decrease incredibly.

And he would give up everything he has now, simply because he is tired of seeing me tired.

If that's not love, I don't know what is.

My only response to him: do what makes you happy. I'll work twice as hard at school if I have to, if you want to stay where you are. I'll make sacrifices that I need to so I can do this.

His response: if it makes your life easier, it can only make my life better.

I'm so glad I married that man. I love him with all my heart.

My only regret. That his family wasn't a colony of flies on the wall for that conversation. They might have learned something about the kind of person that their son, brother, and grandson is in those moments.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Happy Birthday

Today is my 32nd birthday. I have managed to add another candle to my cake.

I have debated for days about what I was going to write about, yet as I stare at the blinking cursor I'm know that what I'm writing wasn't what I had planned. But those posts always end up being my favorite, probably because they come from my heart.

So let me impart some wisdom from the last year.

The past year has been full of suck. I knew that at some point we would have to say goodbye to more grandparents, it would be inevitable. It's that whole grand design of things. Yet, in my wildest dreams or worst nightmares I wouldn't have imagined that we would say goodbye to 2 grandfathers in the same year, let alone 3 months apart. I wouldn't have believed you if you could predict the future.

I would have been seriously wrong.

Then in between that we had to say goodbye to a dog.

And if your not an animal lover, right now you are thinking I'm crazy that "it's just a dog". But Bailey was so much more. He reminded me that there were things more important than homework and making sacrifices to get my degree. He reminded me that sometimes you have to dig out the microscope to find the good in others, but some microscopic amount can always be found. He was so abused and unloved that whatever microscopic amount of love we would dole out he was just enamoured with. He simply wanted to be loved. He was easy to love. He lived with us for over a year, and barked only once.

I hadn't wanted a big fuss for my birthday this year. Partly because of homework and the chaos that is currently my life. But today, I'm realizing the value of celebrating, because next month we will celebrate birthdays with out the birthday people and then again in February. And come October 9th, I would give anything for just one more birthday celebration with those people who aren't here anymore.

So instead of going to a study group and spending my birthday with complete strangers, I'm staying home and studying for an economics test with my husband instead. Because let's face it, we aren't promised another day and if something were to happen to me I wouldn't want John's last birthday memory be of me spending the night at the library and him at home alone. And if the situation were reversed, I don't want that to be last memory either.

Plus after the past year I think its more important today than any other to celebrate. Life is hard enough and short enough that we should celebrate everything, bad grades on economic tests included.

So tonight forget the scale, forget the calories, forget the season premiers on television, and forget the homework and have a piece of cake with someone you love tonight. Simply because you don't know if it will be your last or theirs. Because tonight, I would have given up every birthday present in the world, if I could have had a birthday dinner with Papa, Gangie, Darlin and even Bailey just one more time.

Now, I'm off to study for an economics test and hug my husband. Because I'm pretty sure that today has been an incredible day, made that way by my husband.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Birthday Resolutions

I figured that in anticipation of my birthday tomorrow that we would do a list of resolutions. Things that I would like to change in the next year. It's important to have goals. I attempted to come up with 32, since that's how old I will be. Do you know how hard that is? So don't judge.

32. More exercise.
31. Less food (especially the bad for you, but oh so tasty stuff)
30. More blog posts.
29. Less homework (I'm not quite sure how I'm going to reach this goal, but it's something I definitely want to strive for.)
28. Much, much more sleep.
27. To move from a Junior to a Senior.
26. To figure out how to take naps at work, for days when #29 and #28 don't quite work out the way I want them too.
25. More sex. Because let's face it, guys have a good point, sex makes everything better.
24. More chocolate. Just in case the guys were wrong about the whole sex thing.
23. More alcohol, because let's face it, after a couple of margaritas you won't remember what was wrong in the first place.
22. More car washes. Because no one like to drive a dirty white pickup.
21. More filing at work. I won't die, even though those minutes feel like they might do me in.
20. More time with my puppies. Because they are lonely at home without me and they make me laugh.
19. To decide to only do a top 10 list for next year.
18. Because this is ridiculous.
17. Especially when I should be doing calculus homework and studying for an Economics exam.
16. Study more, procrastinate less. (See #17)
15. Read. I miss books that involve dead bodies, sex, mayhem, and romance.
14. More Wii. Because it's fun to say to my husband, I want to Wii.
13. Buy less cookbooks. They are hidden in every room in our house. I'm outta rooms.
12. Remember that it could be worse...turning 32 is better than the alternative of never making it at all.
11. Worry less about what people think, so I can write this blog the way I want too, and not be embarrassed to share it with the friends that I want too (who are more like family anyway).

And because I was goofy with the those above, I'll be good with the ones below.

10. Spend more quality time with my husband. We got to have some real conversations over the weekend and reconnect. My stress level went way down. He is good for me and keeps me from worrying so much.

9. Remember that there is more to life that school. That Papa was right, not everything worth knowing can be found in a college degree.

8. To stop trying to live up to someone else's expectations. My own expectations are way higher than their's are anyway. It's not the end of the world if I get a C. Even though I'm disappointed, it's a learning experience, and I have to remember to learn from that C as well as from that A.

7. To spend more time with my family. Since school has became my reality, often family affairs are missed out on for homework. The homework won't always be there...and neither will they. It's important to have the peace that I chose them over homework and that I had those moments when they are gone that I wouldn't have otherwise.

6. For my husband to be at peace with the relationship he has with his parents. I know that this one is a pipe dream, but I want him to be able to look at me and look at them and not resent either of us for the choices that he has had to make regarding his family. I want him to be able to sleep at night and know that their opinion doesn't matter, that my opinion doesn't matter, that all that matters is his happiness, and that no matter what, he knows how much I love him, and that out of all the boys in the world, I chose him.

5. To remember to celebrate the little things. Sometimes it is a celebration if you manage to fix dinner on time. The moments that we lay in bed snuggling before we fall asleep, the moments that we lay in the floor and play with the puppies, the moments that hit us at the oddest times.

4. To be amazed each day about the things that you miss. Like cleaning out microwave, the sound of laughter, the empty spot at the hardware desk, the smell of Beech Nut, and chocolate covered cherries underneath the Christmas tree. You don't remember the bad, simply the good. And it's ok for the tears to come when you walk into the hardware store or see the display of Chocolate covered cherries, even though it's been 9 years since you bought them.

3. To remember that my health is a priority too. Sometimes I put me on the back burner to take care of other people and other things. I have to remember that I'm important too and I should be at the top of my to-do list each day.

2. To remember to "see God". Without the friends, family and God, this past year would have been infinitely harder than it has been. The beautiful sunset, the pink tulips in the neighbor's yard, the warm day, the rain, my friend's laughter, my family's laughter, the nieces, nephews, and cousins delight in their care packages. Those things keep me sane, and they remind me that I'm not alone in the big, bad world.

1. To remember that there will be road blocks. There will be people telling me I can't. There will be obstacles. I can overcome each and every one of them. If only I have the desire to do so.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Happy Birthday to....YOU!!!!

Because it's my birthday on Wednesday, and because everyone should get a present for putting up with my on my birthday, I'm giving you the opportunity to win your very own birthday present.

I have racked my brain about what to get me you.

Something to make you smell good. No.
Something kid friendly. No.
Something that will spice up your love life. No (plus apparently Tabasco sauce doesn't come in a lubricant).

So finally (and mostly because I'm a Scentsy consultant). I'm giving one lucky person the chance of a lifetime. Or at least an opportunity at free stuff.

Any warmer of your choice (found on my personal Scentsy Website) and 3 bars. Any warmer. Premium, mid-size, plug in. Whatever you want (that's why it's called "your choice"). Plus whatever 3 bars of scent you want, shipped directly to your house.

Here's the rules:

1. Comment on any post made this week. Any post from today, September 19th - September 23rd.
2. You must post your comment before midnight on Friday (Central time zone).
3. You can post a comment each day to guarantee more chances of winning. However,
4. You can only post one comment per day. So if you post 3 times on this post, you will only be counted once for today.  (Thanks to a computer nerd, I have ways of knowing if you are multiple hitting me.)
5. will be drawing the winner for me, and I will post the winner on Saturday morning. You must contact me no later than September the 28th, or the prize will be given to someone else.

Any questions? Comments? Concerns? Want to tell me how awesome I am? Or get my address to mail me a birthday present? Send me an email. My contact info is at the top of the page *hint* it's under contact info.

Good luck!

Friday, September 16, 2011

5 Question Friday!!

Greetings Earthlings. I'm feeling more normal today. Less hormonal. Thank goodness. I'm in an awesome mood, considering how little I slept last night. It's Friday, what's not to love. Other than Spanish Oral exams. Ick. I will do fine. I hope I do fine. Otherwise I might cry.

Or not.

No big plans this weekend. We are going to my parents to have my birthday dinner with them on Saturday. Because I have an economics test on Thursday of next week there will be no big partying the night before, unless you consider snuggling into my chair and studying for an economics quiz partying, then you're all set. But that's not my idea of an awesome birthday. Just in case you want to send me presents. Homework won't win me over. Chocolate will. But sadly homework won't.

I'm going to take it easy this weekend and try to relax some. I have got to figure out a way to de-stress before I have a stroke from the lack of sleep, or before I strangle someone.

Happy Friday!

PS. Make sure you are here on Monday for the announcement of my Birthday giveaway. You will only have 2 days to enter before the winner is announced on Wednesday!

1. If you had a weekly newspaper column, what would you name it?

Life Begins at 30.

It's catchy. It's cute. It's great advice for those younger and for those older. And most people dread 30. Because your aging, your not a 20 year old fresh out of college and on your own for the first time.

I offer advice people can't live with and can't live without.

It's scary.

2. Who is your mentor/inspiration?

 I don't know what I really have one. There isn't that one person that I want to grow up to be like. There isn't one person who motivates me to do my homework, take better care of myself.

But if I can't pick me, then I would have to say my husband. He has faith that I can do anything. Even if it is stuff he would rather I not do. He believes that I'll do fine on tests I stress out about, he believes that I will graduate and have the GPA that I want.

And some days, his belief is all I need to push through when I really would rather be doing something else.

3. What is your wake up beverage of choice?

Well, that depends on the day. I'm currently on a water for breakfast kick. But some days, when I'm running on fumes, a Diet Dr. Pepper saves the day.

And about once a year, coffee with large quantities of French Vanilla Creamer do the trick. Well, let's face it, the sugar in the French Vanilla Creamer does the trick, because it is mostly a cup of creamer with coffee added in.

4. Would you wear your mom's clothes?

Not a chance. She used to care more about her appearance, but the older she gets and the less outside activities that are required of her, she is all about the comfort.

All about the comfort.

So am I, but I have to look nice for work. My bosses expect it. Thankfully while school is in session they are a lot less particular about what I wear. Because when schools going on, it's shorts, carpi's, and jeans. I don't wear skirts to school. Nope. Not happening.

So they forgive me during school. Otherwise I look nice.

My mom is all about the comfort, cotton pants, cotton shirts. Comfort. Less nice, more comfort.

So unless I'm at home for a weekend, then no, I'll keep my own clothes. Thanks.

5. When you were a kid, did you put posters on your wall? If so, what were they of?

Oh yes. There were New Kids on The Block posters and doggie posters and posters that I had on my wall since I was like 6. I never took anything down. Then I hit about 15 and stopped with the whole poster thing. I took them all down and threw them all away. And I put up pictures like normal people did.

That should have alerted the authorities that something was wrong. What 15 year old do you know that does anything normal?

Does that mean I was crazy before 15, after 15, or just currently? I'm thinking none of the above.

Shhh. This is an area where your opinions must be kept to your self. It's a .... national security issue.

Well, that's what I'm claiming anyway.

See, I'm not crazy.

Why is the white jacket so tight? I would rather not give myself a hug all day long.

Make sure to come back by Monday to enter in the blog giveaway. Where I give away an awesome birthday present. If no one shows up, then I will be forced to keep it.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

The crazy in my head...and my life

The ship with all the free time on it...she sailed off. What a pain in the oar.

You can stop groaning now. It wasn't that cheesy. Ok. Maybe it was.

The homework boat has set up and she doesn't appear to be moving. I could use some dynamite. That might blow her out of the water. It also might blow my head up, so let's rethink that plan.

I'm busy. I'm covered up in homework, and I don't know what to write about. I don't want this blog to be all, school, school, homework, get the point.

I sat down last night, when I should have been doing homework, and I re-read some of the posts that I wrote a year ago. I miss those posts. I miss that person. Maybe I'm still trying to compare myself to other blog writers and maybe I'm still telling myself that I don't measure up. Lord knows I do it often during all these classes. With all these babies. I feel way out of my league. They make me feel so...old.

My birthday is next week. A week from yesterday in fact. I'll be 32. It's September. Which is 3.5 months from Christmas and I haven't done any shopping yet. I'm usually almost done by now, and I haven't even started.

I think of all these awesome posts, and then I talk myself out of writing them. I have to quit doing that. I have to stop being so worried about what you think, about what the rest of the world things and only worry about what I think.

Sorry for the randomness. I can't sleep. I'm stressed. I'm tired. I'm annoyed. I'm questioning everything, like I always do around my birthday. I'm feeling sorry for myself, because let's face it, my life isn't the perfect little life I would like for it to be. So just bare with me while I try to figure it all out.

Tomorrow is Friday. And I promise to shed this depressed whiny self between now and Monday. Because I have a giveaway for you to get all excited about next week!!!

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Wordless Wednesday

Today, I'm missing some of the people we have lost this year. I'm missing some of the friends that we have lost this year. Today, I would like just 5 more minutes with both of them.

Monday, September 12, 2011


I think that Monday's were invented to help you plan for retirement.

Because every time one rolls around, I can't wait for the day that I don't have to get up and go to work, when every day can be a weekend.

Because let's face it, Monday's really bite.

I'm tired, thanks to my husband's phone ringing at 4:45am and then his alarm went off at 5, 5:15, 5:30, 5:45, and 6am. Time he got out of bed 6:45, when my alarm went off. He is lucky to be alive. He will be mighty lucky if he survives the day with his butt intact, because my patience is very, very, very thin today.

After tomorrow I may be writing this blog from prison if he even sets his alarm. And one little gray dog might be added to the mix if she doesn't stop barking and growling while I'm in the shower, naked, covered in soap and trying to shave while she barks. So if your the person who is making her bark, if I cut my leg shaving, I'm so adding you to my body count. Of course, your going to get a free peep show before your untimely demise.

I hope your Monday is shaping up better than mine. I'm off to learn the days of the week in Spanish. So that I will understand how Monday's bite in more than one language.

Have a Happy Monday. Or at least avoid homicide today.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

September 11th

It's hard to believe that it's been 10 years. It's hard to believe that 10 years ago today, our lives, our country, our world was changed forever.

I still remember watching the news after the first tower had hit the first tower just after I had gotten to work that morning. My husband was at home, he had gotten injured at work and was home on medical leave while his foot healed. I remember the girl in the cubicle in front of me, her phone rang, it was her husband calling to tell us the 2nd tower had been hit. Then the reports started coming in that it wasn't an accident, that it wasn't a plane who had problems.

I can remember watching television and thinking that we were watching stories about other places and  countries, not about the United States. I remember thinking that I was so thankful that we were so far away from New York. Then I remember being saddened by the people who wouldn't be going home that night and for those families whose lives would never be the same.

It's also hard to believe that we have forgotten. We remember the impact that was felt in our lives, but we don't remember what it did to us as a nation. We don't remember the dignity, sympathy and compassion that our leaders had in the moments, days, weeks, months and years that followed. We want to blame a recession on the former president and the events of those days. We want to forget and move on because those days, those images, those courageous people that took matters into their own hands and helped to bring down a plane in a field, and limit the number of lives lost.

We have forgotten. We had too. It's human nature. It's part of the circle of life and the way that things work. We didn't want to, but life goes on. Even those people who lost someone that day, their lives went on.

There are tons of memorials today. There are tons of ways to remember and to honor those who have lost their lives that day, and the soldiers that have lost their lives since then. It's important today that we remember to honor those that sacrificed their lives so that our lives could be different.

~When the world says, "Give up," Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."  ~Author Unknown

~Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go. ~Author Unknown

Friday, September 9, 2011

Five Question Friday

Thank goodness. I'm not sure I would have survived another work/school day this week. I'm exhausted. The homework showers have started, and they aren't letting up anytime soon. So I'm swamped.

No big plans this weekend, I try to keep my schedule light during school so I can play catch up on the weekends. I'm going to try to get all caught up on homework, as well as work on getting catalogs ready for my open house in October. And I have Scentsy to deliver. And I might try to unpack a few more boxes, because let's face it, I'm still not through unpacking. Eek!

Happy weekend.

1. What ringtone do you have on your cell phone?
Well, it's unique. And it isn't one particular person's ringtone. It's everyone's. I don't discriminate.

First you get a sound that sounds like some sort of alarm going off...then...wait for it..."Warning: It's that weirdo calling, Warning: it's that weirdo calling.

See, I said I don't discriminate, most of the people who call me are weird. The ones who text me aren't.

2. What is your favorite memory from this summer?

This summer was full of suck. There were bright spots, but dealing with Papa's illness and unexpected death has been difficult. We spent all of July waiting, and celebrating his life. Then in August, we were just trying to survive, trying to function like normal human beings.

Probably some of the best memories are the ones of us sitting in Papa's hospital room, telling stories and laughing. The night after the memorial service when we all sat around at the hotel and laughed and told stories and caught up with the family we don't see nearly often enough. Those moments, those memories were such bright spots in days that we thought we would drown in sadness. Those moments reminded me about the importance of family and making memories with them.

Our Friday night dinner dates with our local "family" have been such a blessing too. It has been amazing to discover and get to know some of John's childhood friends. Their laughter and their lives have become such an important part of ours that they continue to be a thing of joy in our lives, and let's face it, we can always use more joy.

3. Paper books or ebooks?

I love to read. I prefer suspense, but every now and then a girl needs a good trashy romance novel to remind her to bug her husband about romance. However, after our recent move and the discovery that I have way (way, way, way) too many books, I have decided to downsize. But only in theory. My husband doesn't know it yet, but he is getting me a Nook for my birthday. I'm going to move all of my books from paper to digital. I'm not really thrilled about it, because I love the way books smell, but on the other hand, it's getting hard to find a place to stick all those books. And under the bed isn't a suitable home any longer.


4. If you could have one home upgrade what would it be and why?

Can I just have the home first? We rent a duplex. We didn't want to buy, because let's face it, our future is very unknown considering that I am going to college, and I want to do corporate accounting. There aren't a lot of job options here. So, we wanted to keep our options open. That way if I get offered a job making millions somewhere else, I didn't have to worry about leaving a house that I loved. Because I wouldn't have bought something I didn't love. Frankly, it comes down to the fact that I didn't want to have to break up with my house.

5. When was your first serious boyfriend/girlfriend?
I had a few before my husband, but honestly the details are sketchy. John was a love or lust at first sight kind of thing. The afternoon I met him, I knew I wanted to get to know him better. And to be honest, the 2nd time we hung out, every other guy I had ever dated or lusted over ceased to exist. There are moments that I remember about ex's, but they are only moments not the complete relationship. I can't even tell you know how I met most of them, or even how we broke up. When John came along, they ceased to exist.
So to answer the original question, I was in high school. That's about all I remember.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

The post where I don't write a post

I'm tired.

I'm drowning in a sea of homework.

Spanish, calculus, rock and roll, economics, lab reports. They are all a blur in brightly colored notebooks and folders.

Como se llama? Do I want to see the llama? You want me to watch an entire movie in Spanish, when I can barely tell you my name and that I need to pee?

2+2 only equals 4 if and only if you can stand on your head while counting to 100 backwards.

Did I mention how tired I am?


Blues, jazz, country, rock, I wasn't even alive in the 1800's. I don't even like rock and roll so why do I care where it originated from back in the 1800's. Just give me the easy A that this class was supposed to be so I can move on down the road.

I'm tired. I'm remembering the stuff I hated about school. I've lost that loving feeling. Now I'm getting the used and abused feeling. Now I understand why college students drink so much alcohol. It's the only way to keep your sanity.

Be thankful for the random posts. At least I'm still writing them, and at this point last semester I wasn't. Beggars can't be choosers. But I couldn't skip, or I will screw up my landing my 200th post on my birthday. And I'm so anal and crazy that just wouldn't work, and neither would coming up with 20 posts on the 20th either.

I'm going to go read about the history of rock and roll. And no, the class sucks thus far. And then I'm going to go practice writing in Spanish so I don't fail my writing assignment tomorrow. Think of me, and send me Spanish thoughts. Gracias.

*This moment of crazy brought to you

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Things I have noticed (that I would rather not)

I have debated over the last few weeks, with school back in session if I am getting old or if people younger than me are just crazy. I think it's both. Here is a list of things I have noticed recently. These are in no particular order.

- Mi espanol professora. (She would be so proud.) (But then again probably not if she knew that's about all I know how to say.) We can call or text her until 3am. 3.A.M. At that time of night I like to have been sleeping for several hours by now. I would love to be able to get by on 4-5 hours of sleep and still be a happy, functional person. I'm not happy unless I'm in bed by 11. I'm not happy or functional without at least 7 hours, preferably more.

- Shorts. I wear boyshort underwear. There, I said it. Now you know what kind of panties are under my clothing...happy? They cover the butt cheeks. The shorts that I see most of the girls at school wearing barely do. You people would be appalled if I let all my cellulite, stretch marks, varicose veins and fat hang out like that. I'm appalled that you let your butt cheeks hang out. If you don't want to see mine, then the odds are very, very, very high, that I don't want to see yours either.

- Skinny Jeans + Boy = uh no. Don't do it. Skinny jeans and boy don't even belong in the same sentence. This is just...ew.

- Boys I don't want to see your "drawes". (Thank you, to the guy sitting behind me in math for correcting my pronunciation, I've always wanted to sound gangsta.) Your boxers, briefs, or lack there of is not something I want to see. If I wanted to see "drawes" I would unzip my pants, or my husbands and look at his.

- Gangsta. I'm almost 32 years old. I don't want to talk gangsta, I don't want to sound gangsta, I don't want to look gangsta. So, once again to the guy sitting behind in math, "let me borrow your stick" makes me want to hand you a tree branch, not a pencil.

- Why does everyone wait until Saturday to go to the grocery store? Go a different day. It's easier. That way I can still go on Saturday and beat the crowds. m'Kay? Thanks!

- I made a copy of my schedule and gave to my boss, my other boss, the shop foreman, the installation guy, and there is a copy on my desk. Yet they all still ask me what my hours are for the following day and if I can skip classes. I can skip anything if you pay me enough. I am not above bribes, but my lowest price starts with three zero's, before the decimal point. Hey, don't judge. When I graduate I'm going to owe tons in student loans, if those bribes will pay for my tuition so I don't have to rely on Uncle Sam, then by all means, bribe away.

- Does TTU funnel something into their buildings that makes you need to pee and thirsty all the time? Because I swear today alone I have had like a glass of milk, 2 bottles of water, a diet coke, a large iced tea, 2 more bottles of water and I'm working on #3 bottle of water as we speak. I feel like all I do is study, pee, and drink.

- Where are all the frat parties at? Because I really want to crash one.

- Where is all the wild sex at? Because I'm pretty sure that when things get really busy with school, my husband and I start scheduling things in. "So, I have 10 minutes on Tuesday, from 6:50 to 7." I he reads more about sex on my blog than he actually has sex. That brings screwed to a whole new meaning doesn't it?

- To the friends and family I've recently "came out of the closet about the blog with", I'm sure that after that last observation, your wishing that I had kept my secret. Or that you could wash your eyeballs out with bleach and erase those mental pictures that are permanently burned into your mind.

You are so very welcome.

2 weeks from today is the big B day. It's also going to be close to my 200th post and to my first giveaway (that I can hopefully give away this time). Look for tomorrow's post about the giveaway that wouldn't go away. Stay tuned for the awesome giveaway!

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Where I'm supposed to be?

Most of the time life just chugs along with no hiccups or bumps in the road. Most of the time things go, mostly, according to plan. But every now and then those bumps that you detoured around 100 miles ago are back, and you wonder if you are just driving around in circles.

Some days my infertility doesn't bother me. Some days it doesn't define who I am. Some days I can picture our lives in 10 years without children. I can imagine our friends becoming grandparents and not feel jealousy or sadness. I can see statuses on Facebook proclaiming the newest bundle of joy and not want to strangle myself with my computer mouse. Today isn't one of those days.

Yet there are other days that I think I have a giant I painted on my shirt for the whole world to see. I think that every person I meet and who I have to explain that I don't have any kids just sees me as an outsider or an oddity. It's almost like because I don't have kids I don't have any credibility. My opinions and my expertise in areas related to kids and even not related to kids goes way down. My opinion only matters when there are no other more credible people around. That's probably not an accurate rendition, but it's most certainly feels like the truth.

Take this past weekend. I had a good friend who was "home" visiting friends and family for a grandparents birthday. She came over to my parents with her two nieces, who are 3 and 2 years old. The baby isn't potty trained yet, but her big sister is. So the baby came up to her Aunt and told her she needed to go potty. And she wanted to go use the big girl's potty. My friend freaked. She told her she had a diaper on, to just go it was ok, but the baby insisted. So I told her, take her to the bathroom, take her diaper off, sit her on the potty and give her some time to do her thing. She balked. She just kept saying that she didn't know what to do. Until my mother reaffirmed what I had told her, she didn't budge. Once someone with experience spoke up, she wasn't willing to go ahead with what I had originally said. She wasn't 100% sure that my opinion could be trusted. Now, if we were talking about breastfeeding or labor, yes, then ignore my thoughts, because I haven't been there done that. But we have both babysat enough kids as well as been around nieces and nephews to have picked up a few things.

Then Monday when I was walking around the mall after getting 10 inches cut off my hair, I saw an ad for adoption. And it made me wonder if that's something that I'll ever be ready for. All the books, all the experts, all the doctors, all the social workers tell you that you have to grieve for the biological child that you won't have before you are ready to move forward. Most of the time I think I've done this. Most of the time I think I've been there done that, and then other times I think that I haven't even begun. There are days that my life is perfect, and there are days, that I would give anything to experience that particular blessing. There are days that I can't imagine giving up on the little girl with my nose and John's eyes or the little boy with his feet and my cheekbones.

After listening to a friend talk about their infertility treatments and just beginning that road it's hard to imagine the hope that they have. It's hard to remember anything but negative pregnancy tests and tears. Our marriage almost didn't survive those years of heartache. I almost didn't survive those years of heartache.

I'm not sure where this is going, because this isn't certainly what I had in mind when I started writing this blog post. I simply wanted to vent, to think on paper. Instead I find myself with less questions and less answers. I don't know what the solution is. I don't know what the solution will be. I just hope that part of me isn't holding on so tightly that I miss out on grabbing at an opportunity that comes my way. I hope that I'm not holding on so much that when I need to have faith and step out of my comfort zone that I just cling tighter and miss out on something amazing. Because the thought that has kept me up at night here lately is what if - because of my stubbornness and refusal to let go I've already missed out. Then again, what if this is what the rest of my life looks like? Can I live with that choice too?

Tomorrow: back to my regularly snarky, sarcastic self. I just needed to get my head and my heart back on the same page, instead of in two completely different books.

Friday, September 2, 2011

5 Question Friday

Yeah!! It's a three day weekend!!! Thank goodness. I need to play catch up. This getting back into the groove of homework, work and life in general has kicked my butt. I could use an extra day to get all caught back up (and even ahead).

I'm having lunch with a girlfriend on Saturday and then my weekend plans include, homework, laundry, homework, Scentsy, homework, and Scentsy.

Have a pretty fantastic weekend and be safe!

1. Shoes in the house - yay or nay?

I'm a nayer here. I dislike shoes. Barefoot is better. But when I go outside or out into the garage, shoes are a must.

2. What do you call them- flip flops, slippers, thongs, etc?

Flippy Flops. I don't know why. Mostly because they flip and flop, well they flip and I'm the one flopping. I used to hate them. Until my Aunt introduced me to Yellow Box flippy flops. I swore I would never pay more than $40 dollars for a pair of flip flops, and now I own (gulp) three pair. Thank goodness for sales and groupon.

And Yellow Box.
3. What song are you almost embarrassed to admit you know all the lyrics to?

Amazingly so, I can't think of any, but I don't have kids, so I can't spout out Justin Beiber or Britney Spears (although I did go through a phase where I liked her, many, many, MANY moons ago.)

So I'm claiming nothing, and that's my story and I'm sticking too it.
4. What is the best quality to have in a friend?

Wow, I have to pick just one? Probably honesty and the ability to laugh. I'm sarcastic. I'm snarky. I'm grouchy. Often all at once, and it's nice to have someone who isn't afraid to tell me that I went too far on a comment I made and not feel threatened. It's important that they be able to laugh with me and understand my sick, often warped sense of humor.
Otherwise they would take me seriously when I call them and tell them that I need to borrow a knife and a black trash bag to dispose of my boss.

5. Do you know what you want for Christmas?

Absolutely. Barnes and Noble gift cards. I'm getting rid of all my books (because I have a jillion) and putting them on a Nook. We moved about 2 dozen boxes of books, and that's not right, considering that collection will only continue to grow. They take up less room, they kill less trees, and this way, I don't have to worry about any new animals eating the books. Just the nook. Awesome.

Happy Friday! I'll see you guys on Tuesday. Keep watching for my first giveaway around the middle of the month to celebrate my birthday and my 200th post!

Thursday, September 1, 2011

What would you be?

Coming home from work a few nights ago, the question was posed on the radio about what would people say about you if they spent a week with you, following you around for every moment. How would their impression of you change, or would it?

It's a powerful concept. Is the way that you behave and act, simply an act or are you genuinely that person? You would be giving them a complete look into your life, flaws and all. So I have been thinking, what would the people I know see in me?

Before: Clean freak. Apologized for the mess. What mess? I wish my house looked this neat and clean.
After: Oh my goodness, when I wasn't looking she moved stuff back to exact locations that I had picked up and admired. It made me uncomfortable to sit on the couch for fear of messing up the cushions.

Before: Oh, we don't watch much TV.
After: Wrongo bucko. Once they come home from work and the puppies are let out, they turn the tv on. Granted sometimes they are on the internet or studying or doing other things, but the tv is always one.

Before: They tell me that my odd request is not a problem, and they gladly do what they can to accommodate me.
After: They went into their room and complained about my odd request and why I couldn't have warned them so that they were better prepared. Thankfully they didn't complain to my face.

Before: Abby took me up on my offer to help with dinner preparations.
After: She is so OCD that I felt like my chopping of onions wasn't sufficient. She was constantly looking over my shoulder and giving tips. Or assigning a job and then taking it away. Because, after all, I'm a guest, I shouldn't have to slave.

Before: She is so OCD, but she doesn't make her bed.
After: She is so OCD, yet she doesn't make her bed.

Before: She said that she hates to see me leave.
After: She says that she hates to see me leave and seems genuinely sad, but she is bothered that she feels guilty so that there are no "messes" to clean up after other people.

So that leaves me to question, how much of my actions and words are something I feel like I should say or do, but that I don't really personally believe in. It's like when someone runs into you or does something that causes you physical discomfort and apologizes and you reply "it's ok", when it clearly isn't ok.

I don't want to admit that I don't want help with dinner, simply because I'm crazy and I like to be in control, but in reality, that's the truth. Instead of being honest, I give out tasks and then hover. Why? Because I don't want to hurt feelings, when the truth is really what I would rather say, and it wouldn't hurt feelings either, just make them think I'm crazy. I would love to say that I'm happy having people stay with me, but at the same time it stresses me out, because I don't like the mess. I love getting the one on one time, but in the back of my mind I'm thinking about the cleaning I need to do and the horrible habits that they are learning that I have.

Is it hard to admit that stuff? Absolutely. But at the same time, which is the real me? Why am I so afraid to let real Abby shine through? What do I have to lose?

So the question remains, what do your friends and family see, the person you want to be, or the person that you are?

Apparently one of my birthday resolutions will be to work on being the person I am, not someone that worries about always pleasing those around me.


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