A Lesson In Patience

It's hard to believe that my husband will have been unemployed one month to the day on Saturday. It's hard to believe that for all of the jobs that he has applied for nothing, has made it official yet, that is until today.

And now he has two job offers. Two. Which sounds all kinds of awesome, except for the wife who worries. And if you want to meet her, well, she is the one who's going to write this post today.

She's the one who worries that everything won't work out and that the rent will be due and that will mean money pulled out of the savings account that she doesn't want to touch, for fear that we will need that money later. Even though technically we need it now. So she's the freak who is writing this post today.

Amazingly so I, er she, hasn't been as freaked out about this unemployment period as she should have been, as she typically would have been. She has tried to remain calm and not panic. Yet as the days continue to pass, and with two offers on the table (one of which has no been turned down), she feels the need to panic. Because what if...

-something goes wrong and they change their mind
-he doesn't pass the physical
-he doesn't really like the job
-I don't really like his job

And the list goes on and on. She's trying to be patient. She's trying to trust God for a change instead of pushing her husband into taking the safe route. She's trying.

This job, well, it's kinda the job that dreams are made of. It's making more money than the job he lost. It's for a good, solid company, with some excellant benefits. It offers the possibility of promotions and a career instead of just a job, and let's face it, I'm (so is she) a find a career job, not just a paycheck. Because every job that I've had, I've loved. Could be why I've had so few jobs in my life, I've been lucky, very lucky. They like him enough, that they are already thinking of promotions for him, based on his experience and him.

I...er she talked, via text message to a good friend last week, and her response was "God is good!"

Yes, yes he is. The job is amazing. He has orientation on Monday at 10am. So the job is basically his. Just one more hurdle to overcome. One that I'm hoping will open his eyes to some other areas of his life that need some attention and some work as well.

Heck, it's some areas that my her life chould use as well.

It's funny, I've felt God's presence in my life more in the last month than I think I have my entire life. Sure, I've felt his precense in the weeks after my grandfather died, and the weeks that Papa laid in the hospital, waiting. But instead of comfort, it was peace and a lack of worry that I was given. I'm pretty sure that last Friday I heard laughter and the voice that had an "I told you so" quality about it telling me "See what happens when you let go of things and let me take care of it."

Point taken.

Then for half a moment I wondered just how different my life would be, if I could give my infertility away like that. I've wondered a dozen or more times if that little girl that I've dreamed about might be a reality by now, if I had just been patient, and had more faith in God's timing instead of my desire for right this minute.

I've also learned that it's ok that I haven't given up on her. That voice reassured me that "I'm not supposed too" give up on her just yet.

*Note to the family reading this - no, I'm not pregnant. No, I'm not going to be attempting to get pregnant. But I know that I'm not holding on to that little girl so tightly that I'm missing out on the child I could have if I would fill out the adoption paperwork. I believe with all my heart that isn't what we are supposed to do. So I'm not giving up, I'm just going to keep going. Like I've done every single day for that last 6 years. I'm going to hope, that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.

Finding Faith

Last Friday I posted the following post on Facebook: ""And I'll praise You in this storm and I will lift my hands, For You are who You are no matter where I am, And every tear I've cried You hold in Your hand, You never left my side and though my heart is torn, I will praise You in this storm." ~Casting Crowns. Send us a few extra prayers today, we have hit a bump in the road and could use some additional strength."

Then on Monday, well you can read about the tragedy that our family endured over the weekend.

Then yesterday, we got more news, that we could have lived without. John's grandmother, Granny, has a mass on her brain.

For about half a second I wanted to cry.

My husband's unemployed, my beautiful niece's heartache, and now Granny.

Yet, as I sat in the truck with my husband, this immense feeling of peace washed over me. It was as if I had taken a breath and blew all of that stuff out and everything was perfect again.

Then I wanted to laugh. Pure laughter, not sarcasm, not because it was the only thing going to keep me from having a meltdown in our driveway, but simply because the thought of that old saying that "God will never give you more than you can bear" popped into my head.

Apparently, I can handle all of this. It's no big deal. God has faith that I can handle this.

So that got the wheels turning and had me wondering, if His faith in me is great enough that I can handle, working full time, school full time, husband's unemployment, nieces situation, Granny, then shouldn't that faith in Him to get us through all of this be twice as large, if not larger?

Sure, I felt silly laughing and joking with my husband about "bringing it", not that I was asking God for more sorrow or heartache, but that I was just so impressed by God's faith in our strength, in my strength. So we laughed, and we both knew that no matter what, everything was still ok. If not even good.

We have a place to live, a car, we are both healthy, I'm still employed. We have so much, and there are some with so little, that it's not unreasonable to have these moments of joy in the midst of unhappiness and trials and life lessons, or whatever you want to call this.

Sure, I have moments where I panic, but they are moments. There are moments of worry, but it's not constant. Because every single time that those thoughts pop up, I have prayed. Some days there have been a lot, and other days, just a few. I've asked for my husband to find a job he loves, I've asked that my niece find peace, I've asked that Granny's mass be something simple and easy to fix. I've asked for the strength to wipe the worry out of my mind so that I can focus on homework.

I'm simply putting one foot in front of the other and hoping that we can learn something from this, that I can learn something from this. There is a blessing in here somewhere. I just have to find it.

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

Dear Robber

Dear Robber,

Several weeks ago you broke into my husband's office. You determined that he has personally wronged you in some way and that the most effective way for you to get your revenge was to break in to his office and steal equipment, parts, and just make a general mess. However, this time the jokes on you.

See, if you had really knew your former boss/co-worker you would know that none of that stuff in his office means anything to him. Sure he would be disappointed, but otherwise, it's just stuff. Stuff can be replaced. Everything that you damaged or stolen will eventually be replaced, so you actually did him a favor by allowing him for upgrades that he would have otherwise never gotten.

Your lay-off or termination wasn't personally his doing. He has a boss too, one that often gives him orders that he would rather not follow through with. There are days when he would love to let you continue to work, but sometimes the people who sign his paycheck say differently. So he does what he has to do so that he can provide for his family. Which isn't all that different from your actions, except that you committed a felony, and he just hurt your pride.

So, Mr. Robber, you might think that you accomplished something, but other than finding a very non-productive manner for your rage, you really didn't accomplish much. And now, his revenge will be when you are punished for the crime/s that you have committed. Sure, you might escape capture here on earth, but God has the final say. I'm sure He won't be pleased with your choice, but that's between you and him. See, Mr. Robber, my husband's already forgiven you. He's already moved on and began to rebuild his office. Please know that we will pray for you and those who will be hurt by your actions should you ever be caught, because just about everyone who comes through those doors has a family, and they would be devastated by your actions. I hope your mama is proud of your career choice.

Thank you for reminding us of what is important. Office supplies weren't it.

Sincerely,

The Normals'

Opportunity of a Lifetime

So yesterday sometime a week or two ago (oops) you got the background story on the Dean's List.

Let me give you the story on the Congressional Internship that I was invited to participate in.

So I get this email from someone telling me about this internship in Washington, DC where you work with a member of congress for a semester as an intern.

It's a big deal, you live in a house with other interns from the same college and you all work on Capital Hill for a whole semester. How freaking cool is that?

Really cool.

It's so cool that I debated, and I wondered and I tried to imagine what kind of opportunities would be opened up to me if I were to apply and be selected. Because even though they sent me the email, I still had to apply and be accepted to get selected to go.

Then I prayed about it. Then I told my husband. Then I told everyone on facebook about it. And how I wasn't going.

What?!?!

It's the chance of a lifetime, it's the opportunity of a lifetime. Just not mine. Part of me would have liked to have gone, just for the experience. Plus to have lived in Washington DC for a semester, and played tourist on the weekends to all the fabulous places nearby, it would have been wonderful. It would have been breathtaking. But I couldn't imagine doing all of that stuff without John. I couldn't imagine giving up my life here, for a temporary life there. I couldn't imagine putting all my heart into it, when it wouldn't be.

It's the opportunity of a lifetime for someone else. Some other student at Tech has dreamed about this internship. They want it so bad that they can taste it. I know how that feels. I know how it feels to want something so badly, to have dreamed about it, to have planned your life around it, that when the opportunity slips through your fingers you wonder what just happened. Your entire existence is questioned, every plan, every dream, everything is suddenly very different than the life you wanted. It's hard having to pick up and move forward from that. It's hard to give up on something that you want that badly.

And deep down, when I had that realization, I knew that I couldn't take that dream away from someone else. I couldn't do it because it would be a good opportunity for me, but my heart just wasn't in it. I wanted to go for purely selfish reasons that had absolutely nothing to do with the actual internship. My heart wouldn't have been in the internship. Sure, I would have still worked my butt off, but it's different when your heart isn't in it. There's no passion, there's no joy, it's just mundane and routine. And life's to short to have given up 5 months of my life for something that my heart wasn't fully into, when there was another student whose heart is set on going.

It's the opportunity of a lifetime, just not mine.

Selfless

I don't realize how lucky I am, or how much my husband loves me until days like today.

He is willing to sacrifice his happiness, his career with a nation wide company, to change jobs for $20,000 more per year, so that I could quit my job and simply worry about school.

I'm not saying it wouldn't be a blessing. It would. It would make my stress level decrease incredibly.

And he would give up everything he has now, simply because he is tired of seeing me tired.

If that's not love, I don't know what is.

My only response to him: do what makes you happy. I'll work twice as hard at school if I have to, if you want to stay where you are. I'll make sacrifices that I need to so I can do this.

His response: if it makes your life easier, it can only make my life better.

I'm so glad I married that man. I love him with all my heart.

My only regret. That his family wasn't a colony of flies on the wall for that conversation. They might have learned something about the kind of person that their son, brother, and grandson is in those moments.

Monday's

I think that Monday's were invented to help you plan for retirement.

Because every time one rolls around, I can't wait for the day that I don't have to get up and go to work, when every day can be a weekend.

Because let's face it, Monday's really bite.

I'm tired, thanks to my husband's phone ringing at 4:45am and then his alarm went off at 5, 5:15, 5:30, 5:45, and 6am. Time he got out of bed 6:45, when my alarm went off. He is lucky to be alive. He will be mighty lucky if he survives the day with his butt intact, because my patience is very, very, very thin today.

After tomorrow I may be writing this blog from prison if he even sets his alarm. And one little gray dog might be added to the mix if she doesn't stop barking and growling while I'm in the shower, naked, covered in soap and trying to shave while she barks. So if your the person who is making her bark, if I cut my leg shaving, I'm so adding you to my body count. Of course, your going to get a free peep show before your untimely demise.

I hope your Monday is shaping up better than mine. I'm off to learn the days of the week in Spanish. So that I will understand how Monday's bite in more than one language.

Have a Happy Monday. Or at least avoid homicide today.

Meet Dale

This was my computer when it was diagnosed with an incurable virus and crashing hard drive.

Meet Dell after Brain surgery, a few joint replacements, and a face lift.

I like to call this Dale's midlife crisis.*

*AKA - me, seriously bored at work without my computer.

Young VS. Old

I have always heard about generational gaps and I have seen them repeatedly. Yet here lately, it seems like I am noticing it more. I don't know if it is because I am learning so much at Tech that doesn't have to do with my degree or I'm just paying more attention.

Recently the city required that the company that I work for get a Storm Water Permit. My boss complained that it was the government holding its hand out and looking to extract more money from small businesses. I saw it as trying to get businesses to think more about their environmental impact. Is it a pain? Yes. Is it good business practice to be "green"? Yes. Does my 72 year old boss see it that way? No. Our perspectives are very different. Yes, the need for the permit came at a bad time for the business, we are trying to recover from slow times and it's hard. We often barely make payroll, simply because we are trying to stretch every dollar that we have. So yes, I understand his desire to not spend the money.

After taking the Environmental Science class last semester I learned a lot of information. It was educational and it made me think about recycling and going green in a whole new level. In fact, if my husband wouldn't look at me like I was crazy, there would be a ton of changes in our own home. That class was eye opening. My boss, being of a different generation sees things differently. He hasn't taken the class, and once again, he would argue that it was all propaganda from the government so that THEY could have more than he does.

Yet, talk to a 15 year old, and this is something that they have heard in school for a while now. They are used to the recycling bins at school. They see it as protecting the environment and those cute little animals, not that the big, bad government is trying to steal money from them.

Makes me wonder, if everyone would stop trying to be the "right" one, how much could we learn if we stuck 30 year olds in the same room with 70 year olds? The older group has seen more, and had more life experiences to help with not repeating mistakes, the 30 year olds have the ambition and the drive to push through and see changes happen. In a perfect world, it's the perfect solution. In reality, it will never happen.

My boss has the mentality that everything will always be around, that global warming isn't real and that it would take a huge disaster, like a meteor to screw things up. He doesn't realize that permit, and the fee spent could save someones job. It could save a lake. It could help find an alternative to cleaning water for drinking. Is it an age thing? Or is it an education thing? Is it something that he could overcome, or is he too stubborn to change his way of thinking at this point? Are you?

Sea of Boredom

I'm drowning. Help! Please! I'm drowning in a SEA OF BOREDOM!!!!!

Things I possibly have done to have something to do at work:

1. I have taken the little "dots" that are left in the hole punch and made towers out of them. Gluing each piece of paper together to make a tower.

2. I have drawn cartoons. These cartoons are rather dark and gruesome because they all involve shooting something.

3. Twirling. Round and round and round and round. This one just made me want to vomit.

4. Played with today's Google guitar. A lot.

5. Facebooked, craigslisted, blogged.

6. Thought about all of the stuff I could be doing at home like packing.

7. Paid the cable, internet, insurance, and phone bill.

8. Discovered I needed a sugar daddy after paying said bills.

9. Tried to text message with my husband, but he is busy at work and his messages end up saying things like "I want to can you." And no, that isn't referencing anything related to sex.

10. Tried to figure out how many sticky notes it would take to wall paper the area behind my computer.

11. Wished I hadn't packed all my books so I could bring one to work to have something to read.

12. Worked for approximately 14.8 minutes.

13. Hoped a telemarketer sales-person would call, so maybe I could get them to talk to me on the phone so I wouldn't be so bored.

14. Didn't have to lie to get this list to #14.

15. I drilled a hole in my notepad with a pocket knife.

I've been out of school for a month today. I'm not sure how I'm going to survive the next 2.5 months before I go back.

Waitstaff

My husband and I had dinner out a few days ago, and as we ate our dinner, I was reminded of something that really, really annoys me.  Waitstaff.  Ok, let me rephrase that - waitstaff that doesn't do their job - yet still expects a "tip". 

Where I work I get occasional bonuses for a job well done.  If sales are lagging, and I haven't been keeping on top on things like I should, those bonuses are significantly less, if I even receive them at all.  I am still paid my salary, but the additional "tips" I'm no longer getting.

I realize that because waiters and waitresses get tips that their salary is significantly less, and often even under minimum wage.  No, I haven't done work in this field either, these are just my thoughts.

When you do a good job, you get an equally pleasant tip.  Several weeks ago, we went to a local steak house and had dinner.  The waitress that we had that evening, was absolutely wonderful.  She made sure that are glasses were kept full, that we had plenty of rolls and butter, and that we didn't want for anything.  She was left a $10 tip. 

When we dined out at a few nights ago, I didn't leave the waiter a penny.  We saw him 4 times.  We waited 5+ minutes before he came out and got our drink order.  He brought out our drinks and took our food order, walking away before we could make a request for a different side dish.  He brought out our food, and we saw him for the final time, when he brought out our check.  We had wanted more to drink, yet he was standing over in a corner with some other waitstaff laughing and joking around instead of doing his job.  So his bonus or tip last night, wasn't that awesome.

I have heard so many different opinions on this subject.  Some people think that you should tip 15% regardless of the service.  My in-laws do it.  My parents, my husband and I don't tip unless we think that the service was "as it should be". 

Dining out is my night off from cooking.  It's supposed to be enjoyable.  I'm not supposed to have to get up and get a pitcher and refill my own glass (and yes, it has happened.)  I'm not supposed to have my food "thrown" across at a table at me either.  Thankfully I was paying attention, or the plate and food would have wound up in my lap and on the floor.  Yet, the people who have behaved and preformed their job this way still expected a tip at the end of the meal.  I wouldn't have gotten a bonus for not doing my job, why should they? 

I have been out with others and as they calculate the tip ask how much I'm leaving.  Then they are flabbergasted when I remind them that we have complained about the service all night - that I'm leaving them nothing. 

I have been to restaurants where they were understaffed, and the person serving us did the best they could with what they were given.  Did I leave those people a tip?  You bet.  Were our water glasses often empty, probably so.  But there is a difference between the two - this person was trying to keep everyone happy.  The other expected or even thought that they deserved a tip without putting forth the hard work.  I was raised that you don't expect anything - that in order to receive something like a tip, you first have to do work that is worthy of earning it.

Unfortunately it's a sad lesson that they will have to learn that life is full of hard work.  Waitressing isn't below anyone.  Any job is honorable - as long as it is done honorably. 


~The supreme accomplishment is to blur the line between work and play. ~Arnold Toynbee



~There are no menial jobs, only menial attitudes.  ~William J. Bennett
 
~Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life. - Confucius
 
~It is not titles that honor men, but men that honor titles.  - Niccolo Machiavelli
 
~What is it that you like doing?  If you don't like it, get out of it, because you'll be lousy at it.  - Lee Iacocca