Happy Valentine's Day

This post is going to be short and sweet, and too the point. I have way to much homework to deal with for a real love fest. I'm not, feeling the love from my professors, the jerks.

This year I'm reminded of the post I wrote about Valentine's Day last year 2010.

See, this year, my husband has now been unemployed for 3 weeks. I'm thankful that in previous years we have been able to do a little something for each other on Valentine's Day, even if it was just Hallmark and candy. This year, however, thanks to my part time only gig, and still having utilities and truck payments and the need for groceries, we agreed that we would do nothing that cost money. Because the bank doesn't appreciate my offer to pay them in candy in order to keep my truck.

The funny thing is, I'm ok with that. This year, already beat last year's Valentines Day all up. See, I was sitting in a cold classroom, waiting to begin a Marketing exam (that I wasn't feeling very confident about), when I noticed a text message from my husband, asking me to be his valentine. I melted. Literally. His sweet message this morning was enough to calm the butterflies that seemed to be doing the cha-cha in my stomach. I managed to relax enough that I actually felt better about that exam than I did when I walked in.

Then I got to work, with an almost repeat of something equally sweet on facebook. Granted, I'm not posting pictures of flowers and other floral displays on like most of my friends on facebook are. And that's ok.

Because my Valentine's Day will top theirs and grind it into a little greasy spot on the pavement.

I'll have a home cooked meal, that he has put effort into. Something yummy for dessert, that was all his doing. I'll have the dishes washed and put away and the kitchen cleaned up for the night, so that I can study for a test that I have tomorrow. I'll have dessert later that will be a surprise, because I'll be so wrapped up in doing homework and studying that I loose track of time.

Then tonight, when we go to bed and I apologize (like I do most nights) that he has taken on so much while I go to school, he will tell me that he loves me, and that he doesn't mind. That he knows I will do well on the test tomorrow and that he loves me and how very proud of me that he is.

I would love to share that with facebook, but it's not as flashy, it's not at all something to show off to the world that he loves me. At least not in something that can be physically seen or touched.

Instead it's all mine, I don't have to share it on facebook or let the guys I work with harass me about it. I get to share it with the one person who truly matters to me.

His love is simply there, in everything he does, whether he means for it to be or not. It’s there. The flowers, the cards, the candy they don't mean anything. Sure the sentiment is nice, but right now, I'm content to have less. To be doing less this year for each other, to be reminded that there are things more important than flowers and extravagance. Then I think about John's cousin, who is spending this day without his wife, and I realize that in having less, I really do have more.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Selfless

I don't realize how lucky I am, or how much my husband loves me until days like today.

He is willing to sacrifice his happiness, his career with a nation wide company, to change jobs for $20,000 more per year, so that I could quit my job and simply worry about school.

I'm not saying it wouldn't be a blessing. It would. It would make my stress level decrease incredibly.

And he would give up everything he has now, simply because he is tired of seeing me tired.

If that's not love, I don't know what is.

My only response to him: do what makes you happy. I'll work twice as hard at school if I have to, if you want to stay where you are. I'll make sacrifices that I need to so I can do this.

His response: if it makes your life easier, it can only make my life better.

I'm so glad I married that man. I love him with all my heart.

My only regret. That his family wasn't a colony of flies on the wall for that conversation. They might have learned something about the kind of person that their son, brother, and grandson is in those moments.

Happy Anniversary

To My Husband,

In a few minutes you are going to be cussing me, and telling me how unfair I am being, by writing you this letter. You will tell me what a fabulous writer I am, and that I should just have to give Hallmark cards out like “normal” people. Honey, you of all people should know by now that there is very little about me that is “normal”.

I just wanted to tell you today, how glad I am that I am married to you.

11 years ago today, we walked into something that neither one of us really had a clue about. I couldn’t imagine spending my life without you in it. I couldn’t imagine things not working out. How we survived the first couple of years, I will never understand. But those first few years, I believe are what helped us to understand what we both needed, as individuals and as a couple out of this relationship. We were so young, still kids, yet, we managed to find ourselves, and each other in the process.

I’ll never forget the day I called you and asked you how you would feel about Gangie living with us. You didn’t even take a breath, didn’t even hesitate. You simply said OK. I hope you know that you gave me those few months with him, which I wouldn’t have otherwise had. I know that there were times that it was tedious and horrible, with the hallucinations and the accidents, but those few months helped seal him into my life and into my heart, that made his death so much easier to bear. You gave me the gift of time, time to reminisce, and time to mourn. I’m so glad that you got those months with him too. I’m also glad that I had a long conversation about you with him one day. You were the grandson that he never had, and I hope you know how much he loved you, and how much I valued that conversation with him. I’m thankful that you were there when I lost him, and the love and support that you gave. I’m not sure I could have managed that without you.

I often tell you that I love you, but I don’t often tell you how much I appreciate you and everything that you do for me. I appreciate it when you load the dishwasher and do things around the house during your lunch break. I can come home and spend a few more minutes with you before “duty” calls. I appreciate you helping to cook dinner, and not complaining when we try new recipes that are an epic fail. I appreciate you for finding the humor in messes and cooking disasters. I’m thankful that you don’t lose your patience and yell at me and tell me to cook “normal” food.

I appreciate you helping with the laundry, and cleaning. I hope you know that I don’t expect you to do it, but I appreciate the efforts that you put forth into keeping our house picked up and clean. I appreciate you jumping into projects like cleaning out closets and moving furniture whether you really wanted to do it or not. I appreciate you taking my truck and getting the oil changed so I don’t have to.

I’m so very thankful that you like to spend time with me and go on mundane errands, like to the grocery store. I like it when you go shopping with me, and don’t get impatient, although I do wish you wouldn’t worry so much about hurting my feelings and give me your honest opinion.

I’m thankful that you have often gotten up, and went to a job that you hated in order for us to continue on with the plans we have for the future and the life that we want to have together. I appreciate how you always think of my feelings and my plans before you schedule your own.

I’m thankful that you had the patience to allow me the chance to chase my own dreams, even though those dreams have often gotten in the way of your own. You don’t know how much I appreciate all you have sacrificed so that I could go back to college and have a degree that means something, if only to me. Even though the stress of having me in college, and the pressure that has fallen onto you to take care of laundry and other tasks that we have always shared, you haven’t complained. You have allowed me to “find” myself, to chase a degree that I wouldn’t have ever experienced without going back to school; and in finding out more about myself along this path, I have found that I still belong with you.

I look forward to spending the rest of our lives together. You keep my life full of adventures and exciting. Thank you for agreeing that this was a permanent arrangement, one that we couldn’t get out of if things weren’t working. Thank you for asking me to marry you. Thank you for showing up everyday and working to make our marriage everything that it is today.

My heart belongs to you, always.

1 Day of Thanksgiving

Today, I am thankful for my husband.

I'm always thankful that he is my husband, and that he puts up with my sarcasm and odd questions without much complaint.  I'm thankful that he loves to spend time with me, and that he loves to be around me. 

I'm thankful that we have a good marriage, and that I can talk to him about anything.  I'm thankful for his patience with me.  Sometimes I'm grouchy, irritable, annoying, mean, and he manages to not choke me (even though he probably should) 

I'm thankful that he makes any activity fun, even cleaning.  When I have had a day full of "the suck" he holds me and lets me vent, or cry and tells me that it will all work out.  Then he finds out whose ass he needs to kick to make it all work out.  It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

I'm thankful that he goes shopping with me, and doesn't complain, I'm thankful that he doesn't drag me to Academy and Gander Mountain absolutely more than necessary.

I'm thankful that he lays in bed at night and listens to me verbalize how worried or stressed I am about whatever is bothering me.  Even though he has to get up early, he never complains. 

I'm thankful that he is a wonderful person, and that I get to spend the next 100 years with him.  I'm thankful that almost 11 years ago, I married him, and even though we have had our ups and downs, I'm glad that we both wanted this to work out so badly, that we refused to give up on ourselves, or on each other.

I love you.

~I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. ~Rita Rudner


~Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate. ~Barnett R. Brickner


~For you see, each day I love you more; Today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow.~Rosemonde Gerard

Soulmates - Real or Imagination?

Do you believe in soulmates? It's often a question that we are asked by a girlfriend who believes that she has just found "the one". But do they really exsist, or is it just a figment of our imagination?

Do you believe in soulmates? Yes, I do. I also believe that you can have more than one, just not at a time. I believe that my husband and I were meant to be together. We got married at 20, we were still babies, and we more or less spent our 20's growing up together. Which, I believe has a lot to do with the stability of our marriage now. Sure, we have had our rough patches, but before we said our vows we took divorce out as an option. We agreed, that no matter how bad things were, that we work it out, and we stayed married. Obviously adultery and abuse were the deal breakers. If either of those happened, all bets were off.

I wake up everyday thankful that John is my husband, and when I sit at work and daydream, or when I should be working on homework and I think about the future, and things that I want to do, places I want to see, he is there. I can't look forward without seeing him right there in the middle of my plans. I can't imagine not having him as a part of my life.

On the other hand, I think that people put too much thought into love at first sight. You can't just look at the guy walking down the street and think that he is the one, as your eyes meet. Sorry to disappoint you, but it doesn't work like that. That's more like lust at first sight. Yes, I believe that when you "know", you know. Whether you have been dating for 3 weeks, or you are still on your first date. It hits you like a ton of brinks, and typically freaks you out, then the more time you spend together the more you realize that you can't imagine that person not being a part of your life.

I didn't know when I met John that I would be marrying him 9 months later. I didn't have a clue. Yet, after our 3rd or 4th date(no, I can't remember which one), he said something that was completely and utterly profound, and in an instant I realized that I couldn't imagine my life without him. It scared the hell out of me. Yet, when we begin to plan our wedding, just 5 months after we met, I never doubted. Geez, I wasn't even nervous when I walked down the aisle. I was more worried about rubbing blisters because my shoes were too small, than I was about marrying someone that I had only known for 9 months.

I believe that God has someone picked out for each of us. Sometimes, I think that we, as humans, screw up and we miss our soulmate. Sometimes, I think that we get so caught up in our own baggage and our own ideas of what the perfect mate would be that we miss them. Sometimes we get a second chance, and sometimes we don't.

So now your going to tell me that if something tragic happened and John and I divorced, or worse, that I wouldn't find love again based on my own theory. I think your wrong. It's my theory after all. God has our whole lives mapped out, before conception, he knows everything. He knows what I'm having for dinner tomorrow night, even though I don't. Yes, I believe that there are forks in the road, that he doesn't know yet what we do, but otherwise, I believe that my niece, who is 10, her sole mate is out there, that one person that God has picked for her to spend the rest of her life with. And I believe that if something tragic happened to John, that I would be able to have the faith and either be lucky enough to find my 2nd soulmate, or be at peace with being alone.

Sometimes I think that we just over think love. That we as a society see it as necessary, and that if you aren't part of a couple that there is something wrong with you. That you are unloveable. Maybe soulmates don't exsist, maybe they do, look at your spouse or significant other and try and picture the future, the future that you would want if you ruled the world, and what do you see? Are they right there in the middle of it, or is it just you? Everytime I take that little journey, I see me, standing in a kitchen, stirring something on the stove, thinking about how peaceful, and skinny that I look, and then there is John, with his arms around me, asking what smells so good, besides me of course.

Even though I believe that we are soulmates, I also believe that we can screw it all up, we are afterall, human. We make mistakes, we stop trying so hard, we stop working, and then things begin to unravel. So even though we are soulmates, we have to work to make sure that both of our needs and wants are being met. It just doesn't seem like work, it just seems like something that I would do for a friend.

Maybe that's the trick to finding your soulmate. Perhaps you need to find your best friend. Perhaps finding yourself, will let you find him. Maybe it's a process, one that we are unaware of, that helps lead us where we need to be, or maybe it's just us, listening to the right voice for a change.

~Do I love you because you're beautiful,Or are you beautiful because I love you? ~Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein II, Cinderella

~Love one another and you will be happy. It's as simple and as difficult as that. ~Michael Leunig

~Love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own. ~Robert Heinlein

~Soul-mates are people who bring out the best in you. They are not perfect but are always perfect for you. ~Author Unknown

Love....and Valentine's Day

I love Valentine’s Day. It’s a chance to celebrate love. With your spouse, your parents, your siblings, your children, your pets. Yes, I said pets. You DO love them, don’t you?

I was working on homework and listening to the radio this afternoon, and was amazed by what I heard people calling in to comment on about the approaching lovefest. Many of them expected their spouses to be extravagant and romantic, they wanted flowers, candy, a nice dinner, diamonds and pearls. No, they didn’t want – they demanded.

Uh…did I not get proper Valentine’s Day etiquette, installed while I was in the factory? Diamonds? Pearls? Heck, I’m happy with a card and dinner.

I was thinking back over the past 10 years of Valentine’s Days and was surprised. Do you know what I remember? Are you sure you can handle it? Are you sitting down? It might surprise you.

I remember our first year together, we had been married a few months, and we spent our first Valentine’s Day in the ER. My husband had gotten bite by a dog earlier that day. I think we had a hamburger for dinner, but I’m not sure.

And the year after that? And the next year? And the next year?

Nothing. Zilch. Zip. Nadda. Absolutely nothing. (Sorry honey!)

I’m not a big jewelry person, my husband has bought me 4 pieces of jewelry in 10 years. The necklace he got me for Christmas/Birthday/Anniversary 2 months ago. The diamond ring he bought me 2 years before that. The new wedding ring I got for our 1st anniversary, and the engagement ring he bought when he asked me to marry him. But those four pieces mean something to me, they are special. I don’t know how special jewelry would be if I “required” some each year.

Flowers are nice, but after a few days they wilt and die. So I usually get Tulips in March, because they are my absolute favorite flower, and he knows this.

Dinner, yeah, we usually go out to eat. Not typically anywhere fancy, usually Carinos. Because it’s one of my favorite places to eat at. And we exchange cards. But that’s it. No big tokens of love, no jewelry, no diamonds, no pearls.

According to the ladies on the radio, he doesn’t love me like he should.

That goes to show what they know, or maybe what they don’t know.

Love isn’t found in diamonds, or pearls, or flowers, or fancy restaurants. Love is found in the little things. It’s in the details.

It’s in the things that John does without even thinking about it. Like wiping the snow off my truck this morning so I could go to work, and letting me sit in the nice warm truck while he got all wet and snow covered. Like, in starting dinner when he gets home early. Calling me just to say hi. Laying in the bedroom at night and telling me how happy I make him. Letting me cross stitch past bed-time. Letting me stick my cold hands to his warm back when I get into bed at night. His love is simply there, in everything he does, whether he means for it to be or not. It’s there.

No, he doesn’t buy me diamonds, or pearls, or take me out to extravagant dinners. He doesn’t have too. I would be perfectly happy staying home and eating cereal for dinner and running around the house in my pj’s, and he knows that too.

He knows that I don’t “require” certain behaviors, or gifts, or fancy meals. He knows that I’m simple and easy to please. He also knows that I love him the other 364 days a year too. He doesn’t have to buy my love for another year today, he already has it. And if he never bought me another Valentine’s Day card again? That would be OK too. Because I don’t need Hallmark to tell me that he loves me, and it makes my heart ache, that those women on the radio do. They take those “men” in their lives for granted. And if those “men” were suddenly gone, they wouldn’t miss the diamonds and fancy dinners on Valentine’s Day. Or maybe they would.

I would miss all those things I mentioned earlier, the phone calls, the hugs, the voice messages, the emails, simply I would miss him.

So my question is this – What is Valentine’s Day? Is it about the diamonds and pearls? Or is it about celebrating your love?

While the day should be a blessing, I believe that to those many important men in our lives, it is a chore. Maybe it shouldn’t be. It’s not to late to change that, you still have the chance to show your significant other, that they mean more to you than the gifts. That those “gifts” aren’t a requirement. That maybe, just maybe, he means more to you than what he can buy you. That you love him for him, not because of what he gives you.

Besides, I don’t think any diamond necklace could top him giving me his heart. Do you?


“How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.”
~Elizabeth Barrett Browning

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trust, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” ~1Corinthians 13:1-8

“My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me.”
~Henry Ford