Saturday, December 18, 2010

Happy Anniversary

To My Husband,

In a few minutes you are going to be cussing me, and telling me how unfair I am being, by writing you this letter. You will tell me what a fabulous writer I am, and that I should just have to give Hallmark cards out like “normal” people. Honey, you of all people should know by now that there is very little about me that is “normal”.

I just wanted to tell you today, how glad I am that I am married to you.

11 years ago today, we walked into something that neither one of us really had a clue about. I couldn’t imagine spending my life without you in it. I couldn’t imagine things not working out. How we survived the first couple of years, I will never understand. But those first few years, I believe are what helped us to understand what we both needed, as individuals and as a couple out of this relationship. We were so young, still kids, yet, we managed to find ourselves, and each other in the process.

I’ll never forget the day I called you and asked you how you would feel about Gangie living with us. You didn’t even take a breath, didn’t even hesitate. You simply said OK. I hope you know that you gave me those few months with him, which I wouldn’t have otherwise had. I know that there were times that it was tedious and horrible, with the hallucinations and the accidents, but those few months helped seal him into my life and into my heart, that made his death so much easier to bear. You gave me the gift of time, time to reminisce, and time to mourn. I’m so glad that you got those months with him too. I’m also glad that I had a long conversation about you with him one day. You were the grandson that he never had, and I hope you know how much he loved you, and how much I valued that conversation with him. I’m thankful that you were there when I lost him, and the love and support that you gave. I’m not sure I could have managed that without you.

I often tell you that I love you, but I don’t often tell you how much I appreciate you and everything that you do for me. I appreciate it when you load the dishwasher and do things around the house during your lunch break. I can come home and spend a few more minutes with you before “duty” calls. I appreciate you helping to cook dinner, and not complaining when we try new recipes that are an epic fail. I appreciate you for finding the humor in messes and cooking disasters. I’m thankful that you don’t lose your patience and yell at me and tell me to cook “normal” food.

I appreciate you helping with the laundry, and cleaning. I hope you know that I don’t expect you to do it, but I appreciate the efforts that you put forth into keeping our house picked up and clean. I appreciate you jumping into projects like cleaning out closets and moving furniture whether you really wanted to do it or not. I appreciate you taking my truck and getting the oil changed so I don’t have to.

I’m so very thankful that you like to spend time with me and go on mundane errands, like to the grocery store. I like it when you go shopping with me, and don’t get impatient, although I do wish you wouldn’t worry so much about hurting my feelings and give me your honest opinion.

I’m thankful that you have often gotten up, and went to a job that you hated in order for us to continue on with the plans we have for the future and the life that we want to have together. I appreciate how you always think of my feelings and my plans before you schedule your own.

I’m thankful that you had the patience to allow me the chance to chase my own dreams, even though those dreams have often gotten in the way of your own. You don’t know how much I appreciate all you have sacrificed so that I could go back to college and have a degree that means something, if only to me. Even though the stress of having me in college, and the pressure that has fallen onto you to take care of laundry and other tasks that we have always shared, you haven’t complained. You have allowed me to “find” myself, to chase a degree that I wouldn’t have ever experienced without going back to school; and in finding out more about myself along this path, I have found that I still belong with you.

I look forward to spending the rest of our lives together. You keep my life full of adventures and exciting. Thank you for agreeing that this was a permanent arrangement, one that we couldn’t get out of if things weren’t working. Thank you for asking me to marry you. Thank you for showing up everyday and working to make our marriage everything that it is today.

My heart belongs to you, always.

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