Wordless Wedensday

Because this week has just been so full of "suck". I'm leaving you with cute pictures of my babies. 

Baby, it's cold inside!

Homework Interrupted



I'm calling in sick!



Praying that John will turn off the air!

These pictures were taken with my blackberry, so pardon the sucky quality.  My major is in accounting, not in photography.

PS.  I found my spell check!!!!

Today

Instead of the post I was going to write, you are getting this.

Life changes. Thankfully no one was hurt, but the gunman himself.

While I'm by no means trying to justify what this person did, please keep in mind, that no matter what, someone, somewhere loved this person and will mourn the way he ended his life.

Unfortunately this world is full of people who do crazy things. It's also full of good people too.

So today pray for those students, those kids, who are stuck at school without family around to offer them comfort. Pray for the family of the gunman, as their life was forever changed today. Now get off the computer and go hug your wife, husband, kids, pets, and be thankful that they are with you. Life changes in an instant. And then remember that feeling when they piss you off in about 2 minutes.

UPDATE: This article was posted by someone who got to experience the whole nightmare as it unfolded. The Day Campus Stood Still

~Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood. ~Marie Curie

~There is much in the world to make us afraid. There is much more in our faith to make us unafraid. ~Frederick W. Cropp

~He has not learned the lesson of life who does not every day surmount a fear. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Randomness

Greetings Earthlings. I come in peace.

I hate Monday's. Even back in the good ole days when I didn't work, I still hated Monday. It meant that my husband had to go back to work and couldn't stay at home and hang out with me. Now that I work, Monday's still suck, just more, since I too, am going to work.

I had lots of "this is definitely going to be blogged about moments" this weekend, but now, I can't remember any of them. I really need to start writing things down, apparently my old age is creeping up on me.

I'm pretty sure that I am seriously addicted to Farmville, I got mad at my husband yesterday because he forgot to get on and feed his dog. I really need to find a self help group for this.

I would rather watch Friends on DVD than the season premieres of CSI. I missed Friday (New York) and Sunday (Miami) because I was watching Friends. I am also dreading the fact that I told my husband we would watch off the DVR tonight instead of Friends.

To be thankful that there are not penalties for screwing up your birthday resolutions. Because thankfully unfortunately, I have already falled off the wagon with a few of them. Perhaps I should have taken bets as to how long it would take me to get them all marked off my list.

To be considering writing a submission to a popular sex related blog regarding infertility and it's affects on your sex life. Feeling a little weird about putting my sex life on display like that. Thank goodness I'm already blogging anonymously.

To hope that this post isn't read by my mother or my father. To guess that they aren't thinking of my new career as a sex column writer as cool, and that in fact they are pretty horrified that I have now mentioned sex 4 times on this blog now.

My husband is a guy, as long as I don't name names, he will think it's cool. And even if he doesn't, if it gets me more readers, I don't mind pimping him out. (He is available for other blog promotions as well, just drop me a line for details.)

I'm farming on farmville at the same time I am writing this post.

I went grocery shopping this weekend, and spent an obscene amount of money. Yet when I got ready to fix my lunch last night, I discovered that there was carrots, red and green bell peppers, celery, asparagus, romaine lettuce, and cole slaw mix as my options.

To hope that my husband remember to get the leftover crab out of the freezer so that we can have crab stuffed steaks for dinner tonight.

To hope that he forgot, and that I can fix something simple, like a sandwich for dinner instead.

To wonder, why I only have bold, italic, strikeout, links, and quotes as my options to edit my posts. What happened to spell check? I need my spell check.

I told you I was going to post more often, so be prepared for less emotional, more random posts. You can show your gratitude by sending money, or gifts. Please email me for a pre-approved list.

Holding on or Letting Go

It’s been well over a year ago that I had decided I wanted to seriously pursue finishing my college education and getting a degree in accounting. A part of me had always wanted to finish, for no other reason than bragging rights, but about 18 months ago, I began to actively pursue my options and trying to find ways to make it work.

Today, I’m less than 3 months away from graduating with my associate’s degree. While that isn’t where I want to stop at, it is definitely a milestone in it’s own right.

As my graduation date has loomed I have been trying to get things in order to start my bachelor’s degree, then my master’s degree, and then take the CPA exam. So the last few weeks I have been looking into my options and doing research.

When I decided to go back to college it was necessary that I maintain a full time job. So instead of the traditional brick and mortar university, I chose a fairly popular online university. While, for the most part, I have enjoyed my time with this particular university, I wanted to ensure that once I completed my bachelor’s degree that I wouldn’t have any issues with finding a job and starting a master’s degree program. So over the last few weeks I have been doing some research into a local university here in town as well as my current college of choice.

Today, I’m not closer to making a choice than I was yesterday. In fact after news of upcoming changes in the company that my husband works for, I’m farther away.

Now I’m faced with two choices. While, I never really wanted to be a CPA, I just wanted the certification so that I had options when it came time for a job after graduation, I’m wondering if I am going to have to let that go.

And that terrifies the hell out of me.

I have wanted that degree for so long, that a part of me has been so focused, and I have tried to maintain a “not an option” attitude when it comes to getting frustrated and fed up. Because trust me, there have been plenty of times when I wanted to just throw in the towel, because it’s been hard and interfered with other parts of my life. Parts that I miss and that I mourn. Yet, I’m so afraid that by letting this one thing go, that I am going to miss out on that dream job, or that I will unconsciously, have given myself permission to fail.

This is one of those times that no matter which route I choose, which school I end up at, there will be equally sucky parts no matter where I go. One school offers convenience of online classes, and the other, more traditional school offers cheaper tuition, which means that I will owe less money when I graduate. One lets me keep my full time job, and the other will require that I not work at all, or that I only work part-time in order to finish my degree in a reasonable amount of time. Otherwise it could take me up to 10.5 years to finish my degree at the traditional university. I would be 41, and still have to go to grad school to take the CPA exam.

I’ve prayed, I’ve researched, I’ve asked opinions of advisors, of state board members, of family, of my facebook groupies, and of family. I get a mixed response, some say don’t wait until I’m 41, or I’ll never finish. Others tell me it shouldn’t matter how long it takes that cheaper is better.

What do I think? I think that letting go is the hardest part. No matter which direction I take, some part of me is going to be hurt, and going to suffer. Either path will change my life. Either path will lead me on a different direction with job hunting after I graduate. Either path could leave me either postponing or completely eliminating the CPA exam from my future.

While the exam is not ultimately where I wanted to end up in my career, it was part of the plan. I find myself trying to listen more to my head than my heart, although at the moment they are both seriously confused. One is preparing for the loss, because no matter which way I go, I will be losing something; the other is trying to prepare me and excite me about the future.

Eventually I’m going to have to make a choice. I’m going to have to take a leap of faith, the question is will I fly because I’ve let go, or will I fall, because I refuse to trust that God has something better in mind?

~ One half of knowing what you want is knowing what you must give up before you get it. ~Sidney Howard

~ He who has faith has... an inward reservoir of courage, hope, confidence, calmness, and assuring trust that all will come out well - even though to the world it may appear to come out most badly. ~B.C. Forbes

~ Faith can move mountains, but don't be surprised if God hands you a shovel. ~Author Unknown

~ Sometimes the path you're on is not as important as the direction you're heading. ~Kevin Smith

~ The greatest dreams are always unrealistic. ~Will Smith

Welfare and Cell Phones

I swore when I started this blog that I wasn’t going to post anything controversial on it. I was going to keep everything funny and upbeat and simply thought provoking. Yet today, I’m going to stir the pot, and probably piss at least some, if not most of my few readers off.

This article started it all. Please read it first before you go any further on my post.

http://www.blogher.com/so-you-think-people-welfare-shouldnt-own-cellphones#comment-form

I think that welfare is a wonderful tool. Unfortunately, I think that there are people who are on welfare who seriously abuse the system. Then again, my opinion is seriously biased.

My dad had a heart attack at 51. He wasn’t planning on it, it just kinda happened. A few weeks later he had a 2nd heart attack. He was told that he was retired, permanently, and whether he wanted to be or not. He was the sole income provider for him and my mother. While my mom manages a family farm that she inherited from her parents, any farmer knows that sometimes farms cost more money than they are worth, she doesn’t work. With my dad traveling for his job, it worked out to their advantage, because they were able to spend time together when he was home, and I think that my mom is part agoraphobic anyway.

With their only source of income suddenly retired, and hundreds of thousands of dollars in medical bills, they could no longer afford to put food on their table, or pay their bills. So, while they weren’t dancing a jig in the street about needing food stamps, they filed for assistance. They weren’t picky, they would gladly take what they could in order to save their house, pay for my father’s $900+ monthly regime of medications, as well as put groceries on the table, not to mention things like electricity and water. For a few months, they were able to receive food stamps, in an amount, that I’m still not sure how they managed to use it alone to pay for groceries, considering that I spend that amount plus some at least twice a month for my own family. They managed to get an electric bill paid by the county as well. Then someone decided that they could just sell the farm that has been in our family for several generations and that they would be fine. Apparently they didn’t get the memo about the recession.

While they weren’t proud of that fact, they needed the help, and at the time didn’t want to need family or friends to bail them out. Thankfully, it did provide them with some assistance, but in my opinion, not near what it should have.

Yet, on the other hand. I know someone of a couple who, once again, in my opinion abuses the system. They have two kids, one parent works, while the other stays home. Neither of them have a college education, so they wouldn’t be making oodles of money either way. And when both kids were young, and would have required full time childcare I can understand the need for a parent to stay home, instead of putting their entire salary towards daycare. As the children have aged, and are both now in school, and have been for several years, the family is still on assistance. Do they go without things to provide necessities? Absolutely. Could they both find a higher paying job, or a job at all? Because yes, even though both children are in school from 8-3 daily, one parent is still unemployed; could the other parent get a job? Absolutely. They could even find a job that let them be home in the afternoons when the kids get home from school.

My husband and I even applied for assistance. At the time he worked for an ice company, and their job is very seasonal. Things are much slower in the winter than in the summer. And one winter was particularly bad. I worked for the local newspaper delivering papers. We were not getting by. Yet, we were told that we didn’t even qualify for temporary assistance. We couldn’t make our house payment and buy groceries, we had $4 dollars in the bank, and they told us that because we owned 2 cars, (one was a 1993 Oldsmobile, and the other was a 2000 mini van, and this was in 2002.) that we could sell a car. Hmmm, we still owed money on the mini van, and how much do they think that a 1993 Oldsmobile was going to go for? But we both had a job, and apparently things like electricity and water were optional, we could do without those to buy groceries and make our house payment.

Yet we have all seen someone who is standing in line at the store with a Gucci bag and paying for their groceries with food stamps. Then we watch them walk out and get in their brand new Cadillac Escalade, while we are standing behind them with clothes from Wal.Mart on, and a handbag that should have been thrown out in the 70ies, and we drive a car that wasn’t made in the last 10 years.

As far as the original article goes, cell phones are kinda a necessary evil; especially if home phones aren’t an option. I don’t think that all people enjoy being on welfare; I do think that some people use it as an opportunity to better their own situation, and then there are others who take complete advantage of the system.

I also agree with one of the commentors, yes, the clothes could have came from goodwill, and the car borrowed, but, on the other hand, that makes so many of us "assume" things about them, and the welfare situation.

All I'm saying is that some people take advantage and some people don't. But then again, doesn't the majority of things in life work out that way too?

What do you think? Do you think that Welfare should have more restrictions and requirements to qualify? Or do you think that everyone should be eligible, whether they need it or not?

31 Years Resolution

Since yesterday was my birthday, and today is the start of a whole new year of being 21 31. I figured that I would make a list of resolutions that I will work towards acheiving in the next year. This are in no particular order.

31. Graduate with my associates degree
30. Lose weight, only because you are supposed to put this on your resolution list.
29. Try not to kill anything
28. Cook more, I have a cooking blog to fill
27. Blog more frequently, like more days than not. You have gotten two posts alone this week. Rejoice!
26. Read more murder mysteries and trashy romance novels. Just to bug my husband.
25. Make the perfect cheesecake
24. Learn how to say my Abc's backwards. Because you just never know when that will come in handy.
23. Try to be a more patient person and not tell people that I will gladly draw it out in crayon for them.
22. To realize that certain family members are always going to dislike me.
21. Figure out sucky presents for #22's family members.
20. To not make a list like this next year for my 2nd birthday, unless I copy some of these to it.
19. To stop trying to understand the logic behind the actions of the guys I work with, there is no logic, I'm not really sure that they even have a brain.
18. No complaining about homework. Although it does make for interesting blog posts.
17. To look into facebook addiction treatment centers.
16. Find one for Farmville while I'm at it.
15. Not tell my husband we can't do something because it interferes with my farming time table.
14. To be a better wife, wait, I'm perfect, I got a card yesterday that said so. So let's scratch this one, and consider it already done.
13. To clean out my kitchen gadget drawers. I think I have more drawers of kitchen gadgets than pajama's.
12. Or buy new pajama's so I'm more evenly balanced.
11. To try really hard to not watch so much TV. CSI isn't educational unless you are planning murders, and murders are messy.
10. Wash the inside of my truck as often as I wash the outside. Trucks shouldn't have dust bunnies.
9. Make my husband something cool for his office.
8. Make me something cool for my future office.
7. Try not to scream at retarded people while they are driving. They can't hear me, and my passengers only make fun of the names that I call them, and I think that they secretly pray for people to pull out in front of me.
6. Try not to be so anal about things being clean.
5. Give up on not being so anal about things being clean.
4. To figure out what happened to my spell check for these posts.
3. To wash every precious moments figurine I own. I haven't done it in about 6 years.
2. To learn to like shopping.
and the #1 resolution
1. Try to use less sarcasm, apparently it isn't considered a 2nd language. Although, it should be.

Happy Birthday!!

Today my blog celebrates it's 1st birthday. I'll wait while you blow out the candle.

Slightly more than a year ago (don't judge today is my actual birthday) I started this blog. I wanted to have somewhere normal to write things that the entire would would see, and ultimately treasure. Well, I'm pretty sure that the entire world hasn't seen it, or ultimately treasured it yet, but they will. I'm just cool like that.

Typically my birthday's involve me feeling sorry for myself as I contemplate being another year older with, realistically nothing to show for it. This year, however, I can't seem to feel sorry for myself at all. Last year was easy, it was the big 3-0. You know, I'm ancient now, just ask my 9 year old niece.

Instead as I look back on the past year, I'm amazed at how differently things are, at how different my perspective is. Nothing drastic happened in the last year, but instead of starting more chapters, I ended up closing a few. Closure, it's a beautiful thing.

I have gotten to chase a dream, one that I will finish a portion of in December. I have gotten to spend time with family celebrating a life. I have gotten to meet some of my amazing husband's family. I have witnessed a friend's amazing strengh and endurance. I have rescued and been rescued by a dog. I have found peace with other areas of my life that I have struggled with.

It's certainly not 30 things, but it's beautiful none the less. As much as I have hated the mountains of homework, and the tears. Every single moment was worth it.

So today, as I look forward to what the next year will bring, I'm excited. While I don't know what the next year will bring, I do know that certain aspects of it, don't look so bleak. The only thing that bothers be about the future is the expense of anti-wrinkle cream.

Happy Birthday Abby! May all your birthday wishes come true! (just pretend like some loyal follower left this in the comment section. You guys won't leave them, so now I'm forced to write the posts and the comments too.)

~The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. ~Lucille Ball

~Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened. ~Jennifer Yane

~We know we're getting old when the only thing we want for our birthday is not to be reminded of it. ~Author Unknown

~Middle age is having a choice between two temptations and choosing the one that'll get you home earlier. ~Dan Bennett

To Write or What to Write?

Why is it that we have less confidence in our own capabilities than those who know us the best?

Why do we think that we aren’t good enough for….?

My parents, and my husband, who are completely and totally biased, think that I could write a book. Based on the posts made on this blog. I have 4 whole readers. I wouldn’t hold my breath.

I think that they are a few French fries short of a happy meal.

But then again….why can’t I?

Why is it that I don’t have the faith in myself to do it? I sure didn’t have any problem starting this blog, and then making these posts, whom my husband and mother swear makes them cry. I have never been able to write. Or have I?

I have complete confidence in a kitchen, in my abilities to do my job, in taking care of a baby, in performing CPR. Wait, I feel confident enough that I can save someone’s life, but not write a book. That’s messed up. Yet, completely accurate.

And thanks to them, and their confidence, I have had issues with writing posts. I start to write one, and decide that it sounds stupid and close it, and find something else to do to take my mind off of it. These posts are sometimes hard to write and I have amazingly been able to put my heart into them, without much trouble. They are personal, they are a look inside, my often, very sarcastic head. That alone is enough to terrify most people, and what would I write about. I don’t have the patience to write a novel. The laying it all out, the murder (yeah, there would be murders), the trying to point you to the incorrect guilty party, then the climax where the guilty party is revealed and the hero or heroine steps in and saves the day. Yeah, most days, I would have them dead within a few pages.

So how about romance? Boy meets girl, boy screws up, girl dumps boy. Girl pines for boy. Boy realizes what a shmuck he is and begs for forgiveness, girl grants. They fall in love, plan a beautiful wedding; groom gets killed on honeymoon, ooh on a cruise. See, I have a dead body problem. Once again, could have it done in about 10 pages.

Short stories, no they want like 2-3 pages, takes longer than that to kill them off. I need at least 5 before I can churn out a body.

Self help? On what? “How to kill them with sarcasm!” “101 ways sarcasm can work for you” Yeah, I don’t see a best seller there either.

Cooking? I could do cooking. But most of the recipes I use have came from magazines and the Internet, and my grandmother, and my mother, and I’ve made some others up. I can see it now…. Abby’s Fantabulous Food Finds. Inside are the most decadent, plagiarized recipes you will ever find. Can we say do not pass go, do not collect $200? Go straight to jail. Pretty sure they won’t let me make risotto there or cross-stitch, so that’s out.

What does that leave? True stories. I could right an autobiography. It can sit on a shelf and collect dust, like the rest of those books. You know, the ones hidden in the back corner that you only read for that S place. Yep, I would be hidden in the back, probably on the bottom, shelf, just to insult my height, cause it sure wouldn’t be to insult my weight, other wise I would be….nevermind.

It’s a beautiful thought. It really is, but what would I say? Some days I have a hard time churning out stuff for this, let alone a book. It goes back to that whole confidence thing, I get to thinking I can’t write, so I don’t. Except papers on financial trends, apparently I’m good at that.

Write a book?!?! Um…no, I think I’ll stick with the blog instead. At least for now.

~ Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent. ~Eleanor Roosevelt

~It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else's eyes. ~Sally Field

~ It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not. ~Author Unknown

~ We have to learn to be our own best friends because we fall too easily into the trap of being our own worst enemies. ~Roderick Thorp

~ If you hear a voice within you say "you cannot paint," then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced. ~Vincent Van Gogh

Where were you?

Do you remember where you were 9 years ago today?

I was headed to work, I had just pulled into the parking lot when the announcer on the radio said that a plane crashed into the World Trade Center.

At that point, it just seemed like a freak accident, really bad, really sucky luck for those on the airplane, and in the building. Yet an hour later, and it wasn’t so accidental, when a second plane crashed into the other tower. I was standing in the break room at work with the TV on and about a dozen of us watched as the second plane hit. I can’t even begin to describe the disbelief and shock as I watched that second plane.

I’m not overly patriotic, but today, I’m afraid that the majority of us have forgotten. On one hand we needed to forget in order to be able to move forward. Because whether or not we wanted it too, life went on. We got up and we went to work, and to the grocery store, and to pick up the dry cleaning, because, as much of a cliché as it is, life goes on.

I was pleased to see that the city in which I live, some businesses chose to let their respect for those people who died on those airplanes, and in the towers, as well as all of the soldiers that we have lost in the last 9 years. Yet there were some, that just couldn’t let go of the need to support the local, rather large universities football game that evening. They flew flags representing the university.

While I remember where I was, to a certain extent I have even forgotten. I live in West Texas, which is thousands of miles away from New York and Pennsylvania. While my life was forever changed that day, my life wasn’t as affected as those who lost family and friends that day. I can’t imagine how different there lives are, and you can guarantee that they haven’t forgotten, they have to live without those people everyday for the rest of their lives.

Tell me we haven’t forgotten, when this city was too worried about supporting the local football team instead of remembering that, 1. America isn’t immune and 2. The countless lives that were lost on that day, the day that will have the same effect on our history, just as Pearl Harbor had on our grandparents’ history.

It’s unfortunate that it takes a tragedy to remind people of what is really important.

~ This nation will remain the land of the free only so long as it is the home of the brave. ~Elmer Davis

~ Freedom has its life in the hearts, the actions, the spirit of men and so it must be daily earned and refreshed - else like a flower cut from its life-giving roots, it will wither and die. ~Dwight D. Eisenhower

~ It is easy to take liberty for granted, when you have never had it taken from you. ~Author unknown
~ Then join hand in hand, brave Americans all! By uniting we stand, by dividing we fall. ~John Dickinson