Wednesday, March 17, 2010

The Right Path

A few days ago I made a post regarding becoming a mother. When I made that post I had been talking online to someone who has been helping me deal with several issues in my life. Frankly there are a lot of issues. I work full time, go to school full time and live with a grumpy, irresponsible 76 year old man. So to say that I have my hands full is an understatement.

My husband and I struggled for several years to have a baby. We both love children, and we had both wanted to have a child. Unfortunately Apparently, God has other plans. Today, after being bored at work and spending time on facebook, I was reminded of something.

I am right where God wants me to be.

I'm doing exactly what I need to be doing. The good, and the bad. Do I still want a baby? Absolutely! But today, for the first time in weeks, I have peace about it. I don't sit at work wondering why everyone else can have children and I can't. I'm not wondering what I have "done" to deserve this. Why there are people that are having abortions and whining about an unplanned pregnancy, when I would give my right arm to be in their shoes. Today, I have peace.

I am right where God wants me to be.

It has definitely taken some time to get here, and while I will always want to have a baby, there is something else that God has in store for me. Something that I couldn't, or wouldn't be equipped to do if I had a child.

Yes, I can relate so much to the Thoughts on Becoming a Mother post I made. I can relate to the shots, and the pills. I can relate to the feeling out of control of your own body, the hormones, the mood swings, the paranoia, the feeling like a lab rat. I can relate to wanting a baby and the hurt and disappointment that comes with each negative result. I can also understand why so many couples doing infertility treatments end up in divorce, and even suicide. Those treatments give you a walk in someone else's shoes, someone who deals with severe depression, and obssession.

I am right where God wants me to be.

While this isn't the path that I would have taken, given the choice, it's where I am meant to be. Even though my life is crazy busy, it's where I'm supposed to be. I was supposed to go back to school at 30. I was supposed to get married at 20. I was supposed to lose the baby we lost in 2006.

I am right where God wants me to be.

While this isn't some cleaver and witty post, like my 4 readers are used to, this is something that we all need to be reminded about from time to time. And besides this is my blog and I'll write what I want too. Ahhh, sarcasm, there you are. :)

Sometimes we walk through life and complain about the obstacles that get in the way of our plans. We forget that we are right where we need to be, where we are supposed to be at that exact moment. We forget that by being where we are God is protecting us from something even worse. Think of the people who were late to work because a child dwaddled, or they missed their train, or it was their turn to bring the donuts, or my personal favorite, a guy had bought a new pair of shoes and was breaking them in walking to work, and they rubbed a blister and he stopped to get a band-aid, saved thier lives on September 11th. Or the lady whose phone was ringing when she was trying to leave the house, and she went in to answer it, and it was a wrong number. Those extra few seconds, that they were annoyed by, God had them exactly where they needed to be. Just like me.

I am exactly where God wants me to be.

I have tried, over the last few months, to put more faith into God, and stop trying to question the things I don't understand in my life. Thanks to the insight of some special people in my life, as well as way to much time at work to analyze things, as well as facebook, today I am at peace with what the future holds. Today I feel like I could climb Mt. Everest, or rebuild an engine. I feel better than I have in weeks about a lot of things. Thanks to facebook. Here was my status thanks to an application there "Be joyful always; pray continually; GIVE THANKS IN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18" Bet you wouldn't have thought that facebook would provide such profound insight. But then again, I was right where God needed me to be to get the message.

"He who has faith has... an inward reservoir of courage, hope, confidence, calmness, and assuring trust that all will come out well - even though to the world it may appear to come out most badly." ~B.C. Forbes

"Faith enables persons to be persons because it lets God be God." ~Carter Lindberg

"I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much." ~Mother Teresa

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