Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Soulmates - Real or Imagination?

Do you believe in soulmates? It's often a question that we are asked by a girlfriend who believes that she has just found "the one". But do they really exsist, or is it just a figment of our imagination?

Do you believe in soulmates? Yes, I do. I also believe that you can have more than one, just not at a time. I believe that my husband and I were meant to be together. We got married at 20, we were still babies, and we more or less spent our 20's growing up together. Which, I believe has a lot to do with the stability of our marriage now. Sure, we have had our rough patches, but before we said our vows we took divorce out as an option. We agreed, that no matter how bad things were, that we work it out, and we stayed married. Obviously adultery and abuse were the deal breakers. If either of those happened, all bets were off.

I wake up everyday thankful that John is my husband, and when I sit at work and daydream, or when I should be working on homework and I think about the future, and things that I want to do, places I want to see, he is there. I can't look forward without seeing him right there in the middle of my plans. I can't imagine not having him as a part of my life.

On the other hand, I think that people put too much thought into love at first sight. You can't just look at the guy walking down the street and think that he is the one, as your eyes meet. Sorry to disappoint you, but it doesn't work like that. That's more like lust at first sight. Yes, I believe that when you "know", you know. Whether you have been dating for 3 weeks, or you are still on your first date. It hits you like a ton of brinks, and typically freaks you out, then the more time you spend together the more you realize that you can't imagine that person not being a part of your life.

I didn't know when I met John that I would be marrying him 9 months later. I didn't have a clue. Yet, after our 3rd or 4th date(no, I can't remember which one), he said something that was completely and utterly profound, and in an instant I realized that I couldn't imagine my life without him. It scared the hell out of me. Yet, when we begin to plan our wedding, just 5 months after we met, I never doubted. Geez, I wasn't even nervous when I walked down the aisle. I was more worried about rubbing blisters because my shoes were too small, than I was about marrying someone that I had only known for 9 months.

I believe that God has someone picked out for each of us. Sometimes, I think that we, as humans, screw up and we miss our soulmate. Sometimes, I think that we get so caught up in our own baggage and our own ideas of what the perfect mate would be that we miss them. Sometimes we get a second chance, and sometimes we don't.

So now your going to tell me that if something tragic happened and John and I divorced, or worse, that I wouldn't find love again based on my own theory. I think your wrong. It's my theory after all. God has our whole lives mapped out, before conception, he knows everything. He knows what I'm having for dinner tomorrow night, even though I don't. Yes, I believe that there are forks in the road, that he doesn't know yet what we do, but otherwise, I believe that my niece, who is 10, her sole mate is out there, that one person that God has picked for her to spend the rest of her life with. And I believe that if something tragic happened to John, that I would be able to have the faith and either be lucky enough to find my 2nd soulmate, or be at peace with being alone.

Sometimes I think that we just over think love. That we as a society see it as necessary, and that if you aren't part of a couple that there is something wrong with you. That you are unloveable. Maybe soulmates don't exsist, maybe they do, look at your spouse or significant other and try and picture the future, the future that you would want if you ruled the world, and what do you see? Are they right there in the middle of it, or is it just you? Everytime I take that little journey, I see me, standing in a kitchen, stirring something on the stove, thinking about how peaceful, and skinny that I look, and then there is John, with his arms around me, asking what smells so good, besides me of course.

Even though I believe that we are soulmates, I also believe that we can screw it all up, we are afterall, human. We make mistakes, we stop trying so hard, we stop working, and then things begin to unravel. So even though we are soulmates, we have to work to make sure that both of our needs and wants are being met. It just doesn't seem like work, it just seems like something that I would do for a friend.

Maybe that's the trick to finding your soulmate. Perhaps you need to find your best friend. Perhaps finding yourself, will let you find him. Maybe it's a process, one that we are unaware of, that helps lead us where we need to be, or maybe it's just us, listening to the right voice for a change.

~Do I love you because you're beautiful,Or are you beautiful because I love you? ~Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein II, Cinderella

~Love one another and you will be happy. It's as simple and as difficult as that. ~Michael Leunig

~Love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own. ~Robert Heinlein

~Soul-mates are people who bring out the best in you. They are not perfect but are always perfect for you. ~Author Unknown

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