Thursday, September 1, 2011

What would you be?

Coming home from work a few nights ago, the question was posed on the radio about what would people say about you if they spent a week with you, following you around for every moment. How would their impression of you change, or would it?

It's a powerful concept. Is the way that you behave and act, simply an act or are you genuinely that person? You would be giving them a complete look into your life, flaws and all. So I have been thinking, what would the people I know see in me?

Before: Clean freak. Apologized for the mess. What mess? I wish my house looked this neat and clean.
After: Oh my goodness, when I wasn't looking she moved stuff back to exact locations that I had picked up and admired. It made me uncomfortable to sit on the couch for fear of messing up the cushions.

Before: Oh, we don't watch much TV.
After: Wrongo bucko. Once they come home from work and the puppies are let out, they turn the tv on. Granted sometimes they are on the internet or studying or doing other things, but the tv is always one.

Before: They tell me that my odd request is not a problem, and they gladly do what they can to accommodate me.
After: They went into their room and complained about my odd request and why I couldn't have warned them so that they were better prepared. Thankfully they didn't complain to my face.

Before: Abby took me up on my offer to help with dinner preparations.
After: She is so OCD that I felt like my chopping of onions wasn't sufficient. She was constantly looking over my shoulder and giving tips. Or assigning a job and then taking it away. Because, after all, I'm a guest, I shouldn't have to slave.

Before: She is so OCD, but she doesn't make her bed.
After: She is so OCD, yet she doesn't make her bed.

Before: She said that she hates to see me leave.
After: She says that she hates to see me leave and seems genuinely sad, but she is bothered that she feels guilty so that there are no "messes" to clean up after other people.

So that leaves me to question, how much of my actions and words are something I feel like I should say or do, but that I don't really personally believe in. It's like when someone runs into you or does something that causes you physical discomfort and apologizes and you reply "it's ok", when it clearly isn't ok.

I don't want to admit that I don't want help with dinner, simply because I'm crazy and I like to be in control, but in reality, that's the truth. Instead of being honest, I give out tasks and then hover. Why? Because I don't want to hurt feelings, when the truth is really what I would rather say, and it wouldn't hurt feelings either, just make them think I'm crazy. I would love to say that I'm happy having people stay with me, but at the same time it stresses me out, because I don't like the mess. I love getting the one on one time, but in the back of my mind I'm thinking about the cleaning I need to do and the horrible habits that they are learning that I have.

Is it hard to admit that stuff? Absolutely. But at the same time, which is the real me? Why am I so afraid to let real Abby shine through? What do I have to lose?

So the question remains, what do your friends and family see, the person you want to be, or the person that you are?

Apparently one of my birthday resolutions will be to work on being the person I am, not someone that worries about always pleasing those around me.

No comments:

Post a Comment


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...