Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Things I have noticed (that I would rather not)

I have debated over the last few weeks, with school back in session if I am getting old or if people younger than me are just crazy. I think it's both. Here is a list of things I have noticed recently. These are in no particular order.

- Mi espanol professora. (She would be so proud.) (But then again probably not if she knew that's about all I know how to say.) We can call or text her until 3am. 3.A.M. At that time of night I like to have been sleeping for several hours by now. I would love to be able to get by on 4-5 hours of sleep and still be a happy, functional person. I'm not happy unless I'm in bed by 11. I'm not happy or functional without at least 7 hours, preferably more.

- Shorts. I wear boyshort underwear. There, I said it. Now you know what kind of panties are under my clothing...happy? They cover the butt cheeks. The shorts that I see most of the girls at school wearing barely do. You people would be appalled if I let all my cellulite, stretch marks, varicose veins and fat hang out like that. I'm appalled that you let your butt cheeks hang out. If you don't want to see mine, then the odds are very, very, very high, that I don't want to see yours either.

- Skinny Jeans + Boy = uh no. Don't do it. Skinny jeans and boy don't even belong in the same sentence. This is just...ew.

- Boys I don't want to see your "drawes". (Thank you, to the guy sitting behind me in math for correcting my pronunciation, I've always wanted to sound gangsta.) Your boxers, briefs, or lack there of is not something I want to see. If I wanted to see "drawes" I would unzip my pants, or my husbands and look at his.

- Gangsta. I'm almost 32 years old. I don't want to talk gangsta, I don't want to sound gangsta, I don't want to look gangsta. So, once again to the guy sitting behind in math, "let me borrow your stick" makes me want to hand you a tree branch, not a pencil.

- Why does everyone wait until Saturday to go to the grocery store? Go a different day. It's easier. That way I can still go on Saturday and beat the crowds. m'Kay? Thanks!

- I made a copy of my schedule and gave to my boss, my other boss, the shop foreman, the installation guy, and there is a copy on my desk. Yet they all still ask me what my hours are for the following day and if I can skip classes. I can skip anything if you pay me enough. I am not above bribes, but my lowest price starts with three zero's, before the decimal point. Hey, don't judge. When I graduate I'm going to owe tons in student loans, if those bribes will pay for my tuition so I don't have to rely on Uncle Sam, then by all means, bribe away.

- Does TTU funnel something into their buildings that makes you need to pee and thirsty all the time? Because I swear today alone I have had like a glass of milk, 2 bottles of water, a diet coke, a large iced tea, 2 more bottles of water and I'm working on #3 bottle of water as we speak. I feel like all I do is study, pee, and drink.

- Where are all the frat parties at? Because I really want to crash one.

- Where is all the wild sex at? Because I'm pretty sure that when things get really busy with school, my husband and I start scheduling things in. "So, I have 10 minutes on Tuesday, from 6:50 to 7." I he reads more about sex on my blog than he actually has sex. That brings screwed to a whole new meaning doesn't it?

- To the friends and family I've recently "came out of the closet about the blog with", I'm sure that after that last observation, your wishing that I had kept my secret. Or that you could wash your eyeballs out with bleach and erase those mental pictures that are permanently burned into your mind.

You are so very welcome.

2 weeks from today is the big B day. It's also going to be close to my 200th post and to my first giveaway (that I can hopefully give away this time). Look for tomorrow's post about the giveaway that wouldn't go away. Stay tuned for the awesome giveaway!

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