Monday, June 6, 2011

As The World Turns

I have decided that my life is being secretly taped and broadcast to millions of people worldwide. They gather round their TV's on a daily basis to catch the latest in, what can only be described as a Soap Opera of Epic proportions.

I'm pretty sure that if I weren't in such shock that I could come up with my own witty and creative Soap Opera name. And if any of my readers would care to share their idea's I'm open to suggestions. (Or if you watch the show, let me know it's actual name.)

We had dinner on Friday night with some friends. Friends that are also friends with John's mother, sister, and family. Andrea and her brother Matt are my husband's dad's best friend's kids. John, his sister, and brother grew up with these guys and they are more like family than friends.

Well, the subject of the family issues came up. And it was a mutually rewarding learning experience. One that really opened our eyes to John's family.

John's mother told Andrea's mother, that if it took them not being a part of our lives for a few years until this all blows over that she was ok with that.

Insert Pause. Insert Big pause, so that your mind can absorb that.


Can someone please explain to me what kind of parent is "ok" with not being a part of their child's life?! Because that's a concept that is very, very hard for me to understand. Even as I write this days later, I want to question that. I want to understand. I want to talk to some friends who recently lost their 22 year old son in a tragic accident. Because I'm pretty sure that they can't imagine their children as not being a part of their lives for days or weeks, let alone years. I can imagine that they would give anything to have their son as a part of their life again. I can imagine that they would give a lot for just 5 more minutes with him.

What kind of person does that? Let alone a mother.

Granted, I don't have children. So I don't  fully understand the bond that mothers and children share, I haven't experienced it first hand. I only know of how my relationship with my own mother works. Sure I have been mad at my mom that we haven't talked for the better part of a month. Mostly because I'm stubborn. But I can tell you that I wanted to call her so many times. But it was a situation where she needed to make the first move. Sometimes I think that parents forget that we are adults and have our own lives and our own agenda's that sometimes don't mesh with theirs. I think that in the situation with my mother, she needed to understand that I wasn't capable of being told, like a toddler what I was going to do and where I was going to go.

But, I digress.

Yet, my family never alienated my husband from the family. They never only invited me to family functions and ignored him. They never pushed, that even though we are married that we maintain our own separate identities. They knew that we would become one. That we would spend time together, and that as my parents that they had to "let me go".

After several conversations over the weekend, John and I have talked, and contemplated and prayed. We had hoped that as time wore on that we would be able to give everyone some time to breathe and space to think about things. We had hoped that time and distance would allowed them time to heal over the hurtful things that were said. We had hoped that it would bring understanding and a willingness to work things out. Instead, I'm still the evil one. And John has never been that great in their eyes either. Otherwise how could they be willing to remove themselves from his life.

I would love to tell you that I feel something. That this situation breaks my heart. That I hate that this is what our lives have become. I really do.

Instead, I can't find anything but relief. Relief that we know, without a doubt how they feel about us both. Relief that we can move forward and re-build our lives and our marriage. Because I would be lying if I said that this whole ordeal hasn't caused us both stress and strain. We have both doubted ourselves and each other, but now we can move forward and start to put our life back together. I'm sad that his family will miss out on so much in our lives. I'm sad that they are willing to sacrifice one child for another. I'm sad that they aren't willing to fight for John. I hope that they can live their life with no regrets. I hope that they can find peace.

We already did.

~When your absence doesn't alter someones life, then your presence has no meaning either. -Unknown

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