Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Flying the Coop

The drama just keeps on churning around here.  I think that I have entered the Twilight Zone.

Too much more of this and I'm going to personally call those men with the little white coats that allow you to give yourself a hug, and have them come pick me up, put me in a little white jacket, and poke me in a padded room all day long.

And no, I'm not kidding.

I dreaded telling Jerrold that we were moving out. I knew that because of his own financial irresponsibility that the situation was going to be difficult for him. I knew that it was going to cause him stress and strain. But we wanted to wait until it was an absolute necessity before we did anything. However, late Friday night we discovered that he was going to be released from the nursing home sometime Monday (yesterday) morning.

Well, needless to say, Plan A was quickly scrapped and Plan B took over. Plan B involved panic. So we scrapped it for Plan C.

We had to go to the nursing home on Sunday and pick up the extremely large quantity of "crap" that had been acquired during his stay. We figured that we would tell him then, considering it was quite obvious when he got home on Monday that something was going on. As some of our stuff has "disappeared". We knew that it would be difficult, we knew that it would cause problems. We knew that his grandfather is not in a financial situation that he cannot live without a roommate or some sort of other assistance. We know that. He knows that.

Until he was in the hospital and we were paying his bills did we finally realize exactly how his financial situation would play out. He is going to have to make some hard decisions. He is going to have to make some big changes in his life in order to be able to support himself financially. He is also probably going to have to apply for medicaid, food stamps and other state programs in order to help to make ends meet.

We had several reasons for our move. My financial aid with school being the primary, and then the stress of caring for Jerrold while we both work and go to school was the second. We weren't just doing this to be cruel, or for the heck of it. It's time that we move on.

Instead I was blamed for wanting to have a life. For wanting to have my dreams and desires fulfilled. I think that he thought because of his situation and circumstances that I would be willing to quite school and my job and care full time for him. He was awful to me. Absolutely awful. He said things that I would have never dreamed he would say.

I realize that we took him by surprise. The whole situation has taken my by surprise. Because this time last week, we weren't moving. We had no plans to do so. We found something we could afford, so we jumped at it. It was just as unexpected to us. But we weren't cruel about it.

Jerrold took the "me, me, me" attitude. He tried to guilt us. He tried to put several home repairs onto us. That we had to pay for. Technically we are the tenant. He is the landlord. Those responsibilities fall on him. We have cooked, cleaned, done laundry, remodeled a laundry room, put tile in the kitchen and bathroom, and those are just the most recent things since we have lived there. We have tried to make his life easier, and now when my dreams are threatened, he wants to take that all away from me.

I felt guilty about moving out, especially with him coming home from a 2 month hospital stay and with him not being able to care for himself without some sort of help and assistance. Then yesterday, and the words that he said to me. I'm just counting down the days. I can't find anything other than a sadness that he had to behave that way; that things had to end like they did.

John and I have had several conversations about what to do and how to handle the situations that keep arising amongst the family. We still don't have any answers. We both feel that they are just trying to cause problems. I just don't know what to do anymore.

What I don't know is how it's our fault that he hasn't been responsible with his limited funds. He is 77 years old. And he has proven to me that you can skate through life and never be an adult. That you can still be as irresponsible as as 17 year old. Because of his poor choices he has managed to alienate all of his family. Sure, they still love him, but they don't respect him. They feel that he has made his bed. Let him lie in it. They are tired of his "me" attitude and tired of bailing him out, and they have washed their hands of him and the situation.
I'm praying that we can make it through this whole ordeal and he not completely ruin his relationship with us completely. I'm afraid it might not happen. I'm afraid that he is going to push us away and turn on us, like John's grandmother had done.

I'm afraid that he is going to put himself into a position to push the rest of his family out of his life. And I'm tired of fighting an uphill battle with family. They should be the one group of people that fight for you, not against you. They should be the one group of people that pull you closer, not push you away.

I just hope that Jerrold can find peace with this, and better control his own actions before it's too late to repair the fragile relationship with John's family that we are both trying to keep from breaking.

On a side note, they never should have released him from the nursing home. He cannot walk or stand long enough to even get out of a chair or bed and into his scooter or wheelchair. Someone has to physically pick him up to accomplish this. He is home alone all day today. I dread going home tonight and seeing what a disaster there is waiting.

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