Thursday, June 23, 2011

To Write or Not To Write

When I started this blog (almost 2 years ago), I was a random, when the mood struck kinda poster. I wrote when I had something to say, or when I needed to vent. There were no requirements, no schedules, no deadlines, no minimum requirements. It was just when I felt like it. Sometimes you got one post a week, sometimes you were lucky to get one every few months.

Then I had a brilliant idea. One that involved posting more often. Like most days out of the week. And obviously 5 Question Friday. And that was going OK. Some weeks I had lots of stuff to whine about, other weeks not so much. Then I decided that I needed to go back to college at 31 and holy batman and robin bring on the piles and piles of homework. So the posts were sporadic at best. Mostly when I needed some major stress relief.

See writing has always allowed me to express thoughts and feelings uninterrupted. I don't have someone (other than the voices in my head) interrupting and wanting to add their own comments into what I'm trying to say. I just go on my marry way and type along and suddenly I feel better. Putting everything on paper give me a different perspective and makes me feel better about whatever the situation is that's bothering me. It's cathartic. Most of the time. Sometimes it does raise more questions than answers, but those questions help lead to answers, so it's usually a win-win.

Yet when I decided that I was going to have all these posts each week, it has became a chore. It's became the cause of stress. This blog has became the cause of stress. Which was never my intention. I wanted this to be a stress relief. I wanted this to be something I loved doing, instead of something I dreaded.

Right now you are probably panicked. Wondering if the inevitable is coming. It's not. I'm not shutting down the blog. I'm just not going to put so much pressure on myself to perform either. If I write 12 posts this week (I'll stretch them out over several weeks) then it's awesome. If I write one, even better. This blog needs to be fun. It needs to be me. It needs to reflect me and who I am. And the crappy, awful posts of the last few weeks prove that this blog isn't me anymore. It's simply me, trying to be someone I'm not.

I miss spending the time on my cooking blog too. Did you even know I had one? I haven't posted on there since sometime in January. I'm prepared to lose some readers. I'm prepared to have some people annoyed because I don't write more.

But, no matter what, even though you don't know who I am, or where exactly I live. This blog is still me. I don't do anything but protect the names used. My real name isn't Abby and my husband's not really John. But the content here is me. It's supposed to be an outlet, a representation of who I am and what I stand for, instead of just trying to fill up space with meaningless words and tidbits to fill the space and a deadline that I placed on myself.

Sure, there are still going to be goofy, posts, but the serious posts, the ones that made me cry when I wrote them, the ones that meant something to me. The posts that I was proud of, hopefully there will be more of them. Because this blog was never about pleasing anyone but me, and somewhere along the way, I have gotten lost. I've forgotten why I started it and I tried to give you something that wasn't me. And it's time to remedy that, while I still can.

So check back in. I might surprise both of us.

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