Friday, July 9, 2010

Doors and Windows

Opportunities are everywhere. You can find them under a rock, or in a shoe, or under a boulder, or out in the blue. I do not like them, Sam I am, I do not like…wait..that’s not right. Where were we? Oh, yeah, opportunities. They are literally everywhere. Some of them you make yourself and others are found along the way.

Then that brings up the whole “when one door closes another opens” concept.

Bet you thought this post was going to have to do with some sort of construction, didn't ya?

Just follow my ADD for a minute.

Things at my job have been slightly sucky lately. The recession has finally hit us here in West Texas and we are slow. Slow enough that the owners are concerned about the business surviving for another 20+ years if things continue as slowly has they have. I was promised a couple of days off, to keep payroll and things down, since things have been so slow. You know that whole cut down on expenses concept. I didn’t get those days off, and basically got paid to play games on the internet, as the “rush” that my immediate boss hoped for, just didn’t happen. I can count on one hand the number of times the phone rang in two days. Then I get another project dumped on me yesterday. Something that while I understand the information one party needs, I don’t know enough about the types of materials we use to WRITE it all down. In words, kinda like I right on here, except without the sarcasm.

So I have wondered, if maybe this isn’t one of those door-closing moments. Except instead of it being slammed shut on my fingers, it’s gradually closing. Or if maybe, just maybe, my half-day off a few weeks ago, was enough time off that I realized that I’m kinda burnt out. I know, I know, how can you not know you are burnt out? Hello, work full time, go to school full time, cook 5-6 meals a week, laundry, must sleep somewhere. It’s easy for things to fall through the cracks. You know, like me.

So the question remains, door closing or …..?

I had planned on finding a new job after the first of the year. I’ll have my associates’ degree in December, and surprising to myself, there are actually people who will hire you with just an associates’ degree. So you know, with these thousands of dollars in student loans I’m racking up, I figured it would be a wise idea. Plus, the longer I’m here, the harder it will be to leave. It’s a small company, most of which have known each other for 30+ years or are related. So I have become “family”. And it’s always hard to leave family behind. Except for Great Uncle Edgar who is 94 and still asks everyone to “pull his finger”. Yeah, won’t miss that guy.

So my question is this. How do you know when one door is slowly closing? Or is God just making it easier on my heart to leave?

I’m pretty sure that the door hasn’t been slammed shut yet; there are no tears, no panic. Instead there is just a “what do I do”, question that keeps looming. Do I stay, do I go, do I wait, do I know?

Darn crystal ball. Rolled it off the table a few weeks ago and broke the stupid thing. Now I have this big gray stain on my carpet and no answers.

Or, am I looking at this all-wrong? Maybe it isn’t about doors and windows; maybe it’s about learning not to worry so much. Maybe it’s about having faith, trusting that God knows what he is doing, without my input. Well, without listening to my input, anyway. I know He sees stuff I don’t, and I’m sure that this is just a test of patience. Wonder if He would be opposed to bribes for a peek at that crystal ball? Probably.

So for the time being I guess I have to quit worrying about doors and windows. I’m going to try to learn to be patient. I’m going to try and take more time off from work. I’m going to try to be patient. Maybe if I repeat it enough it will sink in. I’m going to try and be patient. And have a little faith, that things will all get worked out, that I’ll get all worked. I am my own worst enemy after all. I’ll also spend more time worrying about the things that will never happen.

~ Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish. ~John Quincy Adams

~ One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life. ~Chinese Proverb

~ In faith there is enough light for those who want to believe and enough shadows to blind those who don't. ~Blaise Pascal

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