Happy Birthday

Today is my 32nd birthday. I have managed to add another candle to my cake.

I have debated for days about what I was going to write about, yet as I stare at the blinking cursor I'm know that what I'm writing wasn't what I had planned. But those posts always end up being my favorite, probably because they come from my heart.

So let me impart some wisdom from the last year.

The past year has been full of suck. I knew that at some point we would have to say goodbye to more grandparents, it would be inevitable. It's that whole grand design of things. Yet, in my wildest dreams or worst nightmares I wouldn't have imagined that we would say goodbye to 2 grandfathers in the same year, let alone 3 months apart. I wouldn't have believed you if you could predict the future.

I would have been seriously wrong.

Then in between that we had to say goodbye to a dog.

And if your not an animal lover, right now you are thinking I'm crazy that "it's just a dog". But Bailey was so much more. He reminded me that there were things more important than homework and making sacrifices to get my degree. He reminded me that sometimes you have to dig out the microscope to find the good in others, but some microscopic amount can always be found. He was so abused and unloved that whatever microscopic amount of love we would dole out he was just enamoured with. He simply wanted to be loved. He was easy to love. He lived with us for over a year, and barked only once.

I hadn't wanted a big fuss for my birthday this year. Partly because of homework and the chaos that is currently my life. But today, I'm realizing the value of celebrating, because next month we will celebrate birthdays with out the birthday people and then again in February. And come October 9th, I would give anything for just one more birthday celebration with those people who aren't here anymore.

So instead of going to a study group and spending my birthday with complete strangers, I'm staying home and studying for an economics test with my husband instead. Because let's face it, we aren't promised another day and if something were to happen to me I wouldn't want John's last birthday memory be of me spending the night at the library and him at home alone. And if the situation were reversed, I don't want that to be last memory either.

Plus after the past year I think its more important today than any other to celebrate. Life is hard enough and short enough that we should celebrate everything, bad grades on economic tests included.

So tonight forget the scale, forget the calories, forget the season premiers on television, and forget the homework and have a piece of cake with someone you love tonight. Simply because you don't know if it will be your last or theirs. Because tonight, I would have given up every birthday present in the world, if I could have had a birthday dinner with Papa, Gangie, Darlin and even Bailey just one more time.

Now, I'm off to study for an economics test and hug my husband. Because I'm pretty sure that today has been an incredible day, made that way by my husband.

Birthday Resolutions

I figured that in anticipation of my birthday tomorrow that we would do a list of resolutions. Things that I would like to change in the next year. It's important to have goals. I attempted to come up with 32, since that's how old I will be. Do you know how hard that is? So don't judge.

32. More exercise.
31. Less food (especially the bad for you, but oh so tasty stuff)
30. More blog posts.
29. Less homework (I'm not quite sure how I'm going to reach this goal, but it's something I definitely want to strive for.)
28. Much, much more sleep.
27. To move from a Junior to a Senior.
26. To figure out how to take naps at work, for days when #29 and #28 don't quite work out the way I want them too.
25. More sex. Because let's face it, guys have a good point, sex makes everything better.
24. More chocolate. Just in case the guys were wrong about the whole sex thing.
23. More alcohol, because let's face it, after a couple of margaritas you won't remember what was wrong in the first place.
22. More car washes. Because no one like to drive a dirty white pickup.
21. More filing at work. I won't die, even though those minutes feel like they might do me in.
20. More time with my puppies. Because they are lonely at home without me and they make me laugh.
19. To decide to only do a top 10 list for next year.
18. Because this is ridiculous.
17. Especially when I should be doing calculus homework and studying for an Economics exam.
16. Study more, procrastinate less. (See #17)
15. Read. I miss books that involve dead bodies, sex, mayhem, and romance.
14. More Wii. Because it's fun to say to my husband, I want to Wii.
13. Buy less cookbooks. They are hidden in every room in our house. I'm outta rooms.
12. Remember that it could be worse...turning 32 is better than the alternative of never making it at all.
11. Worry less about what people think, so I can write this blog the way I want too, and not be embarrassed to share it with the friends that I want too (who are more like family anyway).

And because I was goofy with the those above, I'll be good with the ones below.

10. Spend more quality time with my husband. We got to have some real conversations over the weekend and reconnect. My stress level went way down. He is good for me and keeps me from worrying so much.

9. Remember that there is more to life that school. That Papa was right, not everything worth knowing can be found in a college degree.

8. To stop trying to live up to someone else's expectations. My own expectations are way higher than their's are anyway. It's not the end of the world if I get a C. Even though I'm disappointed, it's a learning experience, and I have to remember to learn from that C as well as from that A.

7. To spend more time with my family. Since school has became my reality, often family affairs are missed out on for homework. The homework won't always be there...and neither will they. It's important to have the peace that I chose them over homework and that I had those moments when they are gone that I wouldn't have otherwise.

6. For my husband to be at peace with the relationship he has with his parents. I know that this one is a pipe dream, but I want him to be able to look at me and look at them and not resent either of us for the choices that he has had to make regarding his family. I want him to be able to sleep at night and know that their opinion doesn't matter, that my opinion doesn't matter, that all that matters is his happiness, and that no matter what, he knows how much I love him, and that out of all the boys in the world, I chose him.

5. To remember to celebrate the little things. Sometimes it is a celebration if you manage to fix dinner on time. The moments that we lay in bed snuggling before we fall asleep, the moments that we lay in the floor and play with the puppies, the moments that hit us at the oddest times.

4. To be amazed each day about the things that you miss. Like cleaning out microwave, the sound of laughter, the empty spot at the hardware desk, the smell of Beech Nut, and chocolate covered cherries underneath the Christmas tree. You don't remember the bad, simply the good. And it's ok for the tears to come when you walk into the hardware store or see the display of Chocolate covered cherries, even though it's been 9 years since you bought them.

3. To remember that my health is a priority too. Sometimes I put me on the back burner to take care of other people and other things. I have to remember that I'm important too and I should be at the top of my to-do list each day.

2. To remember to "see God". Without the friends, family and God, this past year would have been infinitely harder than it has been. The beautiful sunset, the pink tulips in the neighbor's yard, the warm day, the rain, my friend's laughter, my family's laughter, the nieces, nephews, and cousins delight in their care packages. Those things keep me sane, and they remind me that I'm not alone in the big, bad world.

1. To remember that there will be road blocks. There will be people telling me I can't. There will be obstacles. I can overcome each and every one of them. If only I have the desire to do so.

Things I have noticed (that I would rather not)

I have debated over the last few weeks, with school back in session if I am getting old or if people younger than me are just crazy. I think it's both. Here is a list of things I have noticed recently. These are in no particular order.

- Mi espanol professora. (She would be so proud.) (But then again probably not if she knew that's about all I know how to say.) We can call or text her until 3am. 3.A.M. At that time of night I like to have been sleeping for several hours by now. I would love to be able to get by on 4-5 hours of sleep and still be a happy, functional person. I'm not happy unless I'm in bed by 11. I'm not happy or functional without at least 7 hours, preferably more.

- Shorts. I wear boyshort underwear. There, I said it. Now you know what kind of panties are under my clothing...happy? They cover the butt cheeks. The shorts that I see most of the girls at school wearing barely do. You people would be appalled if I let all my cellulite, stretch marks, varicose veins and fat hang out like that. I'm appalled that you let your butt cheeks hang out. If you don't want to see mine, then the odds are very, very, very high, that I don't want to see yours either.

- Skinny Jeans + Boy = uh no. Don't do it. Skinny jeans and boy don't even belong in the same sentence. This is just...ew.

- Boys I don't want to see your "drawes". (Thank you, to the guy sitting behind me in math for correcting my pronunciation, I've always wanted to sound gangsta.) Your boxers, briefs, or lack there of is not something I want to see. If I wanted to see "drawes" I would unzip my pants, or my husbands and look at his.

- Gangsta. I'm almost 32 years old. I don't want to talk gangsta, I don't want to sound gangsta, I don't want to look gangsta. So, once again to the guy sitting behind in math, "let me borrow your stick" makes me want to hand you a tree branch, not a pencil.

- Why does everyone wait until Saturday to go to the grocery store? Go a different day. It's easier. That way I can still go on Saturday and beat the crowds. m'Kay? Thanks!

- I made a copy of my schedule and gave to my boss, my other boss, the shop foreman, the installation guy, and there is a copy on my desk. Yet they all still ask me what my hours are for the following day and if I can skip classes. I can skip anything if you pay me enough. I am not above bribes, but my lowest price starts with three zero's, before the decimal point. Hey, don't judge. When I graduate I'm going to owe tons in student loans, if those bribes will pay for my tuition so I don't have to rely on Uncle Sam, then by all means, bribe away.

- Does TTU funnel something into their buildings that makes you need to pee and thirsty all the time? Because I swear today alone I have had like a glass of milk, 2 bottles of water, a diet coke, a large iced tea, 2 more bottles of water and I'm working on #3 bottle of water as we speak. I feel like all I do is study, pee, and drink.

- Where are all the frat parties at? Because I really want to crash one.

- Where is all the wild sex at? Because I'm pretty sure that when things get really busy with school, my husband and I start scheduling things in. "So, I have 10 minutes on Tuesday, from 6:50 to 7." I he reads more about sex on my blog than he actually has sex. That brings screwed to a whole new meaning doesn't it?

- To the friends and family I've recently "came out of the closet about the blog with", I'm sure that after that last observation, your wishing that I had kept my secret. Or that you could wash your eyeballs out with bleach and erase those mental pictures that are permanently burned into your mind.

You are so very welcome.

2 weeks from today is the big B day. It's also going to be close to my 200th post and to my first giveaway (that I can hopefully give away this time). Look for tomorrow's post about the giveaway that wouldn't go away. Stay tuned for the awesome giveaway!

Happy Halloween!!

Watch out for the ghosties and goblins. And the and pissed off frog king, and the even less impressed pink bunnies!

He doesn't appreciate the finer things in life.  Like dressing up for Halloween.  Don't worry, I gave him a big bone for posing for the picture.

She got her own bone, and the rest of his too!

Did I ever tell you that my favorite spook was born on Halloween?  Tonight we are having one of his favorite meals and watching John Wayne movies to celebrate his birthday.  

Have a Happy Halloween!

31 Years Resolution

Since yesterday was my birthday, and today is the start of a whole new year of being 21 31. I figured that I would make a list of resolutions that I will work towards acheiving in the next year. This are in no particular order.

31. Graduate with my associates degree
30. Lose weight, only because you are supposed to put this on your resolution list.
29. Try not to kill anything
28. Cook more, I have a cooking blog to fill
27. Blog more frequently, like more days than not. You have gotten two posts alone this week. Rejoice!
26. Read more murder mysteries and trashy romance novels. Just to bug my husband.
25. Make the perfect cheesecake
24. Learn how to say my Abc's backwards. Because you just never know when that will come in handy.
23. Try to be a more patient person and not tell people that I will gladly draw it out in crayon for them.
22. To realize that certain family members are always going to dislike me.
21. Figure out sucky presents for #22's family members.
20. To not make a list like this next year for my 2nd birthday, unless I copy some of these to it.
19. To stop trying to understand the logic behind the actions of the guys I work with, there is no logic, I'm not really sure that they even have a brain.
18. No complaining about homework. Although it does make for interesting blog posts.
17. To look into facebook addiction treatment centers.
16. Find one for Farmville while I'm at it.
15. Not tell my husband we can't do something because it interferes with my farming time table.
14. To be a better wife, wait, I'm perfect, I got a card yesterday that said so. So let's scratch this one, and consider it already done.
13. To clean out my kitchen gadget drawers. I think I have more drawers of kitchen gadgets than pajama's.
12. Or buy new pajama's so I'm more evenly balanced.
11. To try really hard to not watch so much TV. CSI isn't educational unless you are planning murders, and murders are messy.
10. Wash the inside of my truck as often as I wash the outside. Trucks shouldn't have dust bunnies.
9. Make my husband something cool for his office.
8. Make me something cool for my future office.
7. Try not to scream at retarded people while they are driving. They can't hear me, and my passengers only make fun of the names that I call them, and I think that they secretly pray for people to pull out in front of me.
6. Try not to be so anal about things being clean.
5. Give up on not being so anal about things being clean.
4. To figure out what happened to my spell check for these posts.
3. To wash every precious moments figurine I own. I haven't done it in about 6 years.
2. To learn to like shopping.
and the #1 resolution
1. Try to use less sarcasm, apparently it isn't considered a 2nd language. Although, it should be.

Happy Birthday!!

Today my blog celebrates it's 1st birthday. I'll wait while you blow out the candle.

Slightly more than a year ago (don't judge today is my actual birthday) I started this blog. I wanted to have somewhere normal to write things that the entire would would see, and ultimately treasure. Well, I'm pretty sure that the entire world hasn't seen it, or ultimately treasured it yet, but they will. I'm just cool like that.

Typically my birthday's involve me feeling sorry for myself as I contemplate being another year older with, realistically nothing to show for it. This year, however, I can't seem to feel sorry for myself at all. Last year was easy, it was the big 3-0. You know, I'm ancient now, just ask my 9 year old niece.

Instead as I look back on the past year, I'm amazed at how differently things are, at how different my perspective is. Nothing drastic happened in the last year, but instead of starting more chapters, I ended up closing a few. Closure, it's a beautiful thing.

I have gotten to chase a dream, one that I will finish a portion of in December. I have gotten to spend time with family celebrating a life. I have gotten to meet some of my amazing husband's family. I have witnessed a friend's amazing strengh and endurance. I have rescued and been rescued by a dog. I have found peace with other areas of my life that I have struggled with.

It's certainly not 30 things, but it's beautiful none the less. As much as I have hated the mountains of homework, and the tears. Every single moment was worth it.

So today, as I look forward to what the next year will bring, I'm excited. While I don't know what the next year will bring, I do know that certain aspects of it, don't look so bleak. The only thing that bothers be about the future is the expense of anti-wrinkle cream.

Happy Birthday Abby! May all your birthday wishes come true! (just pretend like some loyal follower left this in the comment section. You guys won't leave them, so now I'm forced to write the posts and the comments too.)

~The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. ~Lucille Ball

~Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened. ~Jennifer Yane

~We know we're getting old when the only thing we want for our birthday is not to be reminded of it. ~Author Unknown

~Middle age is having a choice between two temptations and choosing the one that'll get you home earlier. ~Dan Bennett

Happy Halloween and Birthday

Halloween is one of my favorite holidays, along with Easter and Christmas. I love to decorate for Halloween with all of the cute ghosts and goblins.

As a kid, growing up on a farm, out in the middle of nowhere, we had few neighbors for me to trick-or-treat to. I remember going up in the field to our neighbor’s house. Her kids were all grown and I was her only trick-or-treater. I swear that she would buy 40 bags of candy just for me. Some years she made popcorn balls or candied apples. She sent home tons with me, keeping just a few for her and her husband to enjoy. After stopping there we were on our way to my Aunt S and Uncle A’s house. They weren’t really family, but Aunt S and my grandmother had been friends for like 100 years. At least that’s what I thought then. Like us, the neighbors to the north; Aunt S and Uncle A lived in the boonies. I was there only trick or treator. So you can imagine what two stops did to that poor little plastic pumpkin; he was full and often overflowing.

To experience the full effect of Halloween, I often when into town and went trick-or-treating with my best friend. Otherwise I only got to knock on three houses. There were never any tricks either, I was too sweet, (and please, no comments from the parents on this one.) :)

There was one other house that was on my list, but this house was different. It was more like an extension of home, except without the toys. This house was less than 50 yards from mine. It could be walked to in under a minute, and ran in under 30 seconds. It was the house that my grandparents live in. This stop was the most important of all.

Why?

Halloween is my grandfathers birthday; or as he was christened by me, my Gangie’s birthday. This house was usually hit twice in one night. Once for a birthday dinner and birthday cake or pie (he always picked) and a second when I was all dressed up in my costume of choice.

I asked him once why he was born on Halloween and he told me it was because he was a spook.

Tomorrow we would have celebrated his 87th birthday. He was a very special and unique person. He was one of those adults that most kids loved. My best friend adored him. My husband adored him, and my husband John missed out on the good stuff. My grandfather was 77 when we got married, and he didn’t have the energy to do some of the things that he did when I was a kid. Like riding up in the field and playing in the mud while he moved water, and the learning to shoot that 22 rifle, with bailing wire holding the butt together, at old oil cans. He missed him stopping in the road to pick something up because it might come in handy one day. He missed him taking stuff apart and not being able to get it back together, just so he didn’t have to buy it new. Then he ended up buying it anyway because he couldn’t get it put back together. He missed the gardens and the little ditches he drew in the dirt in the orchard when he watered the trees.

However, John did get to listen to his time in the Navy. He got to listen to stories about me growing up. He got to hear stories about his childhood and being born early and how his mother used the oven to keep him warm. (Think incubator). How he terrorized his sisters then, and now. John was the butt of a few pranks, as my grandfather was capable of making you believe something. My favorite memory of Gangie doesn't directly involve him, but it was something he would have done. I was 5 or 6 and called my grandparents and back before call waiting you got a busy signal. I was sooooo infuriated because I thought it was Gangie on the other end of the line making that "bongit bongit" noise. It was something he would have done.

Gangie lived with us for 7 months, before we had to place him in the nursing home. Those months were the best and the worst of my life. We laughed and I learned more about the time he hitchhiked to the South Plains fair with Bonnie and Clyde. I hear more Navy stories, more things about when he worked on the Navajo reservation, his first car, his sisters, his mother, and my grandmother when she was younger. I probably know things about him and his life that even his daughter, my mother doesn’t know. I wouldn’t have traded those months for anything. We knew his time with us was short and we weren’t ready to say goodbye.

So this year, like all the ones prior, I’ll send a Happy Birthday wish to my favorite spook. I’ll have one of his favorite meals for dinner, and birthday cake. I’ll be thankful once again to have been blessed to have grown up with him and I’ll be thankful that one day I get to see him again.

Happy Birthday Gangie, we love you!

“I would thank you from the bottom of my heart, but for you my heart has no bottom.”
~Unknown

“Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.”
~Unknown

“Unable are the loved to die. For love is immortality.”
~Emily Dickinson