Something odd happened today. Something that, for the first time in my life, has given me a rather massive regret.
I ran into someone I went to high school with today. She hasn’t changed much, she still has gorgeous blonde hair, and green eyes, she is married, which is certainly different. She has kids. In that aspect she is like me, getting old, moving on in life, doing the things that people expect people our age to do.
She saw me before I saw her, because frankly I was focused on finding a cold beverage and getting the heck out of dodge, when she came over and asked me if I was there to get the stuff to make a baby blanket for her, as she is expecting her 4th baby in October. (I have made the comment several times that I’m working on finishing up a baby blanket for a friend’s baby on facebook. I know I know, I spend way too much time on facebook.) We stood and chatted a few minutes, and then went our separate ways.
On the drive home I got to thinking about the friends that I had, and the friends she had and the things we did on Friday nights. Taylor and I weren’t close friends growing up, but we did start in kindergarten and worked our way through until we graduated. We had gone to school for 13 years together, often sharing similar classes. So I knew her as well as you know someone whom you have spent your entire life with. Needless to say, our paths rarely crossed, we had different friends and did different things. I figured that she saw me as the band geek with the strange friends. Most of my friends were nerds too. Sorry guys, but we were.
As I left and drove home and put away the groceries, I wondered how different high school and JR. high would have been, if I had tried harder. If I had put more faith into some of the other kids at school, kids that I secretly wanted to hang out with, but figured that they saw me for the loser that I was so sure I was. Then it hit me.
It wasn’t that I didn’t have any faith in them, I didn’t have any faith in me.
And that hurt.
I have always thought that I have so little to offer that why would anyone want to be my friend. I have never been the partier, the drinker, the dater, or the wild child. Instead I loved to read, and even at 12 and 16, loved to cross stitch, and work on the farm. I wasn’t interested in playing sports. I actually wanted to play a few but my own lack of faith in myself stopped me from doing it. My fear of looking stupid and the teasing that I was so sure would come after I screwed up.
So instead I did band, because in those uniforms you all looked the same. I did UIL in accounting. I said I was a nerd. I went to an occasional basketball game, because Amber would beg me until I relented. I went out on Friday and Saturday nights and made the drag, in my awful first car. But those kids, who weren’t really the popular kids, instead of getting to know them, of seeing if we really had anything in common, I let my own insecurities make me friend-light.
It has been the same thought process with this blog over the last few weeks. My husband and parents keep heaping on the praise, and I have let that little inner voice tell me that they are lying, that they really don’t like my writing, that I sound stupid – LOSER!!
I have tried to write posts, and the words just won’t come. Well actually they have, but that little insecure person in me wouldn’t let me save them. I started dozens of posts, but none of them were worthy. None of them were good. None of them were thought provoking. They all sucked.
Realistically – I probably deleted some really good stuff. Do I regret that? Absolutely. I regret that I let any moment of doubt make me think that my writing, therefore my life be unworthy of anything. No, not everyone is going to like it, it might not mean as much to one person as it does to another, but that’s OK too. God knows who needs to get the message and who doesn’t.
I regret that I walked through JR. and High school thinking that I had nothing to offer to those people. That I wasn’t worthy of their time of their friendship. I regret that I didn’t find a way to squash that inner voice sooner. I wonder how different those years would have been if I had put more faith in myself instead of in believing that doubting voice.
I can only imagine.
Then I realized that, as an adult, I have only 2 friends, and while I adore them both, we aren’t really close friends anymore. We go weeks in between talking, and most of that is done via email; and months and years between visits. I then realized that I’m friend-light by my own choice. While it isn’t subconscious, it is still by my own doing. And that hurt even worse.
You know what the kicker is. I bet to a certain extent they have that same little voice. That same voice telling them whatever they see in themselves when they talk to me. They just manage to tell it to shut up before it takes over.
So instead of putting my faith in all the things I see wrong with myself, like the overweight, the nerd, the bookworm, the cross stitch-aholic. I’m going to try putting my faith in me. So I’m overweight, I am an amazing cook. So I’m a bookworm and a nerd, it means I can have a cool job that no one really understands and make jillions of dollars at. So I’m a cross stitch addict, I can make absolutely beautiful pieces, that most people wouldn’t have the courage to even attempt.
This all kinda makes me wonder how much less stress I would have in my life if I would have faith that I CAN do it, instead of just waiting for that little bastard in my head to cheer when I fail, to tell me “I told you so”.
So instead I’m going to put my faith in me, and if the first 100 don’t like, if they don’t think that I have anything to offer, then I just haven’t met the right person yet. Maybe I’ll find them in the next 100.
~You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. What you'll discover will be wonderful. What you'll discover is yourself. ~Alan Alda
~All men should strive to learn before they die what they are running from, and to, and why.
~James Thurber
~The man who views the world at fifty the same as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life. ~Muhammad Ali
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Friday, May 14, 2010
Dogs VS. Humans
Human nature never ceases to amaze me. Never. The older I get the harder it is to not give up all faith in human beings as being even semi-decent.
Several days ago I met someone. He is shedding a unique light on the people in the community where I live, and a unique light on my own life.
But first, a little background info. (Think of this as a commercial after the opening credits.)
I have always been notorious for dragging home every sick and abandoned creature. I have taken home cats, dogs, baby rabbits, even people. As a child, I can recall countless times that I was threatened with bodily harm with saving animals from an uncertain death. Especially when those rescued bunnies were accidently freed from their homes and ran free in my mothers house. It's a miracle that I was ever allowed to have a pet. It's a miracle that my mother didn't kill me, it also makes me understand why some mothers eat their children at birth.
The older that I have gotten, the more practical I have become. I go into the adoption center at Petsmart everytime I'm there, and my heart breaks for each of the dogs in the cages, waiting, hoping, to find their permanent family. I would go in each and every day and take them all home with me, if I could. I just quit picking up strays, it breaks your heart to let them go. I try to feed them and water them, and let them wander on. I often call animal control and try to get them saved from being ran over.
Apparently my husband is just starting this adopting stray animals phase.
We were coming home for the grocery store a few evenings ago, when he saw two dogs. One of which was a female, probably a year old. She was full of energy, and puppiness. You know that phase, doesn't listen, acts like a teenager. Chews on everything. But there was this other guy. Who, to my naked eye, appears to be a full blood, or really close full blood boxer. He was older, you could tell by the gray around his eyes and muzzle. And the minute I saw him through the pickup window, I knew he was in bad shape. I have never, in my entire life, even on animal planet, seen a dog that skinny. Yet, that sweet, and happy. You could see each vertebra in his back, as well as the "spaces" between, where his spinal cord is. You could see each rib, protruding through skin, that it was amazing, it hadn't torn the skin and was poking through. Did you know that dogs have a point on the top of there head? They do. Because you could see the top of his skull. Bad shape is an understatement. So we did, what any "decent" human being would do. We picked them up, and took them home.
I have two dogs at home. Both miniature schnauzers, Prancer, is tiny, and sweet, and he weighs around 20 pounds. Blaze, the female, is not so tiny, and not so sweet. She has an attitude, and a slight weight problem. She weighs about as much as a mack truck, well, ok, maybe not QUITE that much, but about 35 pounds. According to wikipedia a typical male boxer should weigh 65-99 pounds. He might, just might, tip the scales at 25-30 pounds. He has stepped on my barefoot twice with all of his weight, and Blaze weighs more then he does.
We called animal control, because we knew that with two dogs already, we really couldn't keep him.
Animal control said that they would hold him for 3 days in hopes of the owner claiming him. Then, because he has no teeth, is old, and the poor shape he was in, he would be put to sleep, because "no one in their right mind would want to mess with him." I told the person answering the phone that when they got old and had poor teeth, that he needed to be put to sleep too. Called him several names, that I won't repeat here.
So please take good care of your teeth, because apparently when you, as a person, get to be "too" much trouble, you can be put to sleep. Who knew!?!?!
Wait. That's not right. It's OK for people to be old and a burden, but not a dog?What is wrong with this world that there isn't someone out there with a big enough heart, who doesn't mind going a little out of there way, to save another soul.
Yeah, and here is where you are going to tell me that it's a dog, to get over it.
And here is where I'm going to pleasantly tell you where to shove that idea.
He has a heart, a soul, he feels hurt, cold, warmth, love, pain, fear, a good back scratching, the effects of a kind word, the effects of cruelty. Don't you feel those too? So what does that make you? Better than him?
This dog, has yet to bark, growl or do anything, but love us, and shown us both, as well as our other dogs affection. He has done nothing, but asked for some dignaty, and maybe a little decency in return.
Isn't that all we ask as a person? For some kindness, compassion, love. How is he any different?
What is so wrong with people that they can't stop and save someone in need? They sure want someone to come "save" them, when they need it.
So what is so special about this dog?
Absolutely nothing. Yet, at the same time absolutely everything. He knows no stranger, his tail is constantly wagging, and he is always hoping for a scratch on the neck right behind his ears. Because you see, he can't sit down and scratch there like a normal dog, because his hip bones dig into the ground and cause him, what I can only imagine, as intense pain.
Yet, in the few short days that he has been here, he has reminded me that there is more to life than school and work. He has reminded me that while those things are important, there are other things, that are equally, if not more important. Perhaps, it wasn't coincidence that he crossed our paths. Perhaps, he was sent here, at a time, when I was doubting my own capabilities. Perhaps, he is reminding me, of the person that I want to be. The one that doesn't have anything to do with a college education.
Too bad there aren't more people in the world like him. Can you imagine the kind of world we would live in? I can only imagine that it's what heaven will be like.
I think dogs are the most amazing creatures; they give unconditional love. For me they are the role model for being alive. ~Gilda Radner
I think we are drawn to dogs because they are the uninhibited creatures we might be if we weren't certain we knew better. They fight for honor at the first challenge, make love with no moral restraint, and they do not for all their marvelous instincts appear to know about death. Being such wonderfully uncomplicated beings, they need us to do their worrying. ~George Bird Evans
I talk to him when I'm lonesome like; and I'm sure he understands. When he looks at me so attentively, and gently licks my hands; then he rubs his nose on my tailored clothes, but I never say naught thereat. For the good Lord knows I can buy more clothes, but never a friend like that. ~W. Dayton Wedgefarth
My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am. ~Author Unknown
The more I see of man, the more I like dogs. ~Mme. de Staël
The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven, not man's. ~Mark Twain
If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience. ~Woodrow Wilson
You think dogs will not be in heaven? I tell you, they will be there long before any of us. ~Robert Louis Stevenson
Several days ago I met someone. He is shedding a unique light on the people in the community where I live, and a unique light on my own life.
But first, a little background info. (Think of this as a commercial after the opening credits.)
I have always been notorious for dragging home every sick and abandoned creature. I have taken home cats, dogs, baby rabbits, even people. As a child, I can recall countless times that I was threatened with bodily harm with saving animals from an uncertain death. Especially when those rescued bunnies were accidently freed from their homes and ran free in my mothers house. It's a miracle that I was ever allowed to have a pet. It's a miracle that my mother didn't kill me, it also makes me understand why some mothers eat their children at birth.
The older that I have gotten, the more practical I have become. I go into the adoption center at Petsmart everytime I'm there, and my heart breaks for each of the dogs in the cages, waiting, hoping, to find their permanent family. I would go in each and every day and take them all home with me, if I could. I just quit picking up strays, it breaks your heart to let them go. I try to feed them and water them, and let them wander on. I often call animal control and try to get them saved from being ran over.
Apparently my husband is just starting this adopting stray animals phase.
We were coming home for the grocery store a few evenings ago, when he saw two dogs. One of which was a female, probably a year old. She was full of energy, and puppiness. You know that phase, doesn't listen, acts like a teenager. Chews on everything. But there was this other guy. Who, to my naked eye, appears to be a full blood, or really close full blood boxer. He was older, you could tell by the gray around his eyes and muzzle. And the minute I saw him through the pickup window, I knew he was in bad shape. I have never, in my entire life, even on animal planet, seen a dog that skinny. Yet, that sweet, and happy. You could see each vertebra in his back, as well as the "spaces" between, where his spinal cord is. You could see each rib, protruding through skin, that it was amazing, it hadn't torn the skin and was poking through. Did you know that dogs have a point on the top of there head? They do. Because you could see the top of his skull. Bad shape is an understatement. So we did, what any "decent" human being would do. We picked them up, and took them home.
I have two dogs at home. Both miniature schnauzers, Prancer, is tiny, and sweet, and he weighs around 20 pounds. Blaze, the female, is not so tiny, and not so sweet. She has an attitude, and a slight weight problem. She weighs about as much as a mack truck, well, ok, maybe not QUITE that much, but about 35 pounds. According to wikipedia a typical male boxer should weigh 65-99 pounds. He might, just might, tip the scales at 25-30 pounds. He has stepped on my barefoot twice with all of his weight, and Blaze weighs more then he does.
We called animal control, because we knew that with two dogs already, we really couldn't keep him.
Animal control said that they would hold him for 3 days in hopes of the owner claiming him. Then, because he has no teeth, is old, and the poor shape he was in, he would be put to sleep, because "no one in their right mind would want to mess with him." I told the person answering the phone that when they got old and had poor teeth, that he needed to be put to sleep too. Called him several names, that I won't repeat here.
So please take good care of your teeth, because apparently when you, as a person, get to be "too" much trouble, you can be put to sleep. Who knew!?!?!
Wait. That's not right. It's OK for people to be old and a burden, but not a dog?What is wrong with this world that there isn't someone out there with a big enough heart, who doesn't mind going a little out of there way, to save another soul.
Yeah, and here is where you are going to tell me that it's a dog, to get over it.
And here is where I'm going to pleasantly tell you where to shove that idea.
He has a heart, a soul, he feels hurt, cold, warmth, love, pain, fear, a good back scratching, the effects of a kind word, the effects of cruelty. Don't you feel those too? So what does that make you? Better than him?
This dog, has yet to bark, growl or do anything, but love us, and shown us both, as well as our other dogs affection. He has done nothing, but asked for some dignaty, and maybe a little decency in return.
Isn't that all we ask as a person? For some kindness, compassion, love. How is he any different?
What is so wrong with people that they can't stop and save someone in need? They sure want someone to come "save" them, when they need it.
So what is so special about this dog?
Absolutely nothing. Yet, at the same time absolutely everything. He knows no stranger, his tail is constantly wagging, and he is always hoping for a scratch on the neck right behind his ears. Because you see, he can't sit down and scratch there like a normal dog, because his hip bones dig into the ground and cause him, what I can only imagine, as intense pain.
Yet, in the few short days that he has been here, he has reminded me that there is more to life than school and work. He has reminded me that while those things are important, there are other things, that are equally, if not more important. Perhaps, it wasn't coincidence that he crossed our paths. Perhaps, he was sent here, at a time, when I was doubting my own capabilities. Perhaps, he is reminding me, of the person that I want to be. The one that doesn't have anything to do with a college education.
Too bad there aren't more people in the world like him. Can you imagine the kind of world we would live in? I can only imagine that it's what heaven will be like.
I think dogs are the most amazing creatures; they give unconditional love. For me they are the role model for being alive. ~Gilda Radner
I think we are drawn to dogs because they are the uninhibited creatures we might be if we weren't certain we knew better. They fight for honor at the first challenge, make love with no moral restraint, and they do not for all their marvelous instincts appear to know about death. Being such wonderfully uncomplicated beings, they need us to do their worrying. ~George Bird Evans
I talk to him when I'm lonesome like; and I'm sure he understands. When he looks at me so attentively, and gently licks my hands; then he rubs his nose on my tailored clothes, but I never say naught thereat. For the good Lord knows I can buy more clothes, but never a friend like that. ~W. Dayton Wedgefarth
My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am. ~Author Unknown
The more I see of man, the more I like dogs. ~Mme. de Staël
The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven, not man's. ~Mark Twain
If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience. ~Woodrow Wilson
You think dogs will not be in heaven? I tell you, they will be there long before any of us. ~Robert Louis Stevenson
Monday, April 26, 2010
2nd Best
We have all been there at one point. 2nd place. Not quite good enough for first, but still “acceptable”. More than acceptable by some people’s standards.
I know this really amazing guy. He’s funny; he’s smart, good-looking, sweet, selfless, and thoughtful. I could go on and on. He is just a great guy. This guy did something that most people wouldn’t have the guts to tackle and see it through. It probably isn't amazing by some people’s standards, but for him, it was.
At 29 he went to college. For the first time. Ever.
While that might not be a big deal to some, it was to him. It still is. He works full time, travels out of town every other week so that he can do his job. He helps care for a 77 year old man, as well as his house, when he is home. To say that he is busy is an understatement. Yet, he still manages to find time to spend with his wife, and maintain an A average.
Sure, some people would have it worse, if they were to go back to school today. They would have kids, chemo, jobs, friends, spouses, and families, all to deal with. I’m not trying to diminish their own obstacles, if they were to go back to college. They would have their own struggles and probably see his as a walk in the park in comparison. They might be right.
He has a younger sister, who is also going to college. She has been going quite a while, and changed her major several times. If she had stuck with one she would probably be working on her master’s degree by now. I can understand changing your major, you might as well find something that you love to do, so you didn’t waste all that time, and money.
When this guy shared with his family that he would be graduating with his associate’s degree several months before his baby sister, he was told that she had so many problems, and that her life was so much harder than his. According to him, and my impression from him, they made his accomplishments seem less than stellar. They made his hard work, seem like nothing. Like he was just “playing” around with school. Like it wasn’t important. Like no matter what he did, it was still just 2nd best.
I have spent the better part of today wondering why he got such a raw deal. Out of his siblings, and I have met them both, he is the more upstanding one. He is there in a bind if they need him, he is honest, decent to his parents, has worked since he was 16 years old. He never expected a handout. Maybe just a hand guiding him, not pushing, maybe just a hand pulling him up, when he fell, but never a handout.
Instead he just doesn’t quite measure up. Oh sure, they are proud of him, but his brother cooks better, or his sister has a B in chemistry. It just doesn’t ring true when they say, “You have a 4.0, that’s great. Well, your sister has a B in chemistry and she has tried really hard. You know how hard she works and studies. It’s just so hard to believe, and she has a B. We are so proud of her.”
And instead of lashing out, that wonderful man, sits there, silent. While his family, oblivious to the hurt that they just inflicted to their 2nd born child. He sits there, and silently prays for understanding, and patience, and for an escape.
It hurts me the way that parents, sometimes unintentionally hurt their children. His parents have no idea, nor do his brother or sister, what his never measuring up is doing to him. It’s changing him. It will make him work harder, so he can finish what he started. It will also make it easier to walk away.
Trust me. I know.
My “father” (at least on paper) did the same thing to me as a child. I was never good enough, my grades were never good enough, and nothing I did was ever good enough. There was always someone who did it bigger and better. But instead of having a sibling to compare too, I was compared to my friends. One of which wouldn’t have known what to do if she saw an A on her report card. Yet, me, making the all A honor roll, wasn’t quite good enough.
And it changed me. It made it easy to walk away, and not see him again. To be thankful that he lives across the country from me and that I don’t have to worry about running into him when I go back to my hometown. He didn’t make me try harder. The people who cheered me on, who were proud of C’s, who were proud of zits on prom night, crunched fenders, and everything else that meant something to me, they were the ones who made me try harder. The “father” made it easier to walk away from the people who wouldn’t cheer me on.
He talks often about moving away. Far away from his family, brother, and sister. Just packing up his wife and dogs and moving somewhere, where he can’t always be reminded of how he just doesn’t measure up.
Do you know what bothers me the most? His family. They don’t realize the damage that they are doing. They don’t realize what they are losing. Perhaps, like my “father”, it will take them a few years of not having him in their life to see what they are missing, what was right in front of them the whole time. For their sake, I hope not.
That man. That wonderful, sweet, selfless man doesn’t realize how many people he has cheering him on. And that he isn’t the one “missing” anything. His family is. That man also doesn’t realize that to me, and at least a dozen other people, he will never be 2nd best with us. He is 1st class all the way.
“How do you know?” You ask.
Because I am honored to be his wife. And I wouldn’t settle for 2nd best.
~Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else. ~Judy Garland
~It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are. ~e.e. cummings
~Almost every man wastes part of his life in attempts to display qualities which he does not possess, and to gain applause which he cannot keep. ~Samuel Johnson, The Rambler, 1750
~Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself. ~Harvey Fierstein
~Learn to... be what you are, and learn to resign with a good grace all that you are not. ~Henri Frederic Amiel
~It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for something you are not. ~Andre Gide
I know this really amazing guy. He’s funny; he’s smart, good-looking, sweet, selfless, and thoughtful. I could go on and on. He is just a great guy. This guy did something that most people wouldn’t have the guts to tackle and see it through. It probably isn't amazing by some people’s standards, but for him, it was.
At 29 he went to college. For the first time. Ever.
While that might not be a big deal to some, it was to him. It still is. He works full time, travels out of town every other week so that he can do his job. He helps care for a 77 year old man, as well as his house, when he is home. To say that he is busy is an understatement. Yet, he still manages to find time to spend with his wife, and maintain an A average.
Sure, some people would have it worse, if they were to go back to school today. They would have kids, chemo, jobs, friends, spouses, and families, all to deal with. I’m not trying to diminish their own obstacles, if they were to go back to college. They would have their own struggles and probably see his as a walk in the park in comparison. They might be right.
He has a younger sister, who is also going to college. She has been going quite a while, and changed her major several times. If she had stuck with one she would probably be working on her master’s degree by now. I can understand changing your major, you might as well find something that you love to do, so you didn’t waste all that time, and money.
When this guy shared with his family that he would be graduating with his associate’s degree several months before his baby sister, he was told that she had so many problems, and that her life was so much harder than his. According to him, and my impression from him, they made his accomplishments seem less than stellar. They made his hard work, seem like nothing. Like he was just “playing” around with school. Like it wasn’t important. Like no matter what he did, it was still just 2nd best.
I have spent the better part of today wondering why he got such a raw deal. Out of his siblings, and I have met them both, he is the more upstanding one. He is there in a bind if they need him, he is honest, decent to his parents, has worked since he was 16 years old. He never expected a handout. Maybe just a hand guiding him, not pushing, maybe just a hand pulling him up, when he fell, but never a handout.
Instead he just doesn’t quite measure up. Oh sure, they are proud of him, but his brother cooks better, or his sister has a B in chemistry. It just doesn’t ring true when they say, “You have a 4.0, that’s great. Well, your sister has a B in chemistry and she has tried really hard. You know how hard she works and studies. It’s just so hard to believe, and she has a B. We are so proud of her.”
And instead of lashing out, that wonderful man, sits there, silent. While his family, oblivious to the hurt that they just inflicted to their 2nd born child. He sits there, and silently prays for understanding, and patience, and for an escape.
It hurts me the way that parents, sometimes unintentionally hurt their children. His parents have no idea, nor do his brother or sister, what his never measuring up is doing to him. It’s changing him. It will make him work harder, so he can finish what he started. It will also make it easier to walk away.
Trust me. I know.
My “father” (at least on paper) did the same thing to me as a child. I was never good enough, my grades were never good enough, and nothing I did was ever good enough. There was always someone who did it bigger and better. But instead of having a sibling to compare too, I was compared to my friends. One of which wouldn’t have known what to do if she saw an A on her report card. Yet, me, making the all A honor roll, wasn’t quite good enough.
And it changed me. It made it easy to walk away, and not see him again. To be thankful that he lives across the country from me and that I don’t have to worry about running into him when I go back to my hometown. He didn’t make me try harder. The people who cheered me on, who were proud of C’s, who were proud of zits on prom night, crunched fenders, and everything else that meant something to me, they were the ones who made me try harder. The “father” made it easier to walk away from the people who wouldn’t cheer me on.
He talks often about moving away. Far away from his family, brother, and sister. Just packing up his wife and dogs and moving somewhere, where he can’t always be reminded of how he just doesn’t measure up.
Do you know what bothers me the most? His family. They don’t realize the damage that they are doing. They don’t realize what they are losing. Perhaps, like my “father”, it will take them a few years of not having him in their life to see what they are missing, what was right in front of them the whole time. For their sake, I hope not.
That man. That wonderful, sweet, selfless man doesn’t realize how many people he has cheering him on. And that he isn’t the one “missing” anything. His family is. That man also doesn’t realize that to me, and at least a dozen other people, he will never be 2nd best with us. He is 1st class all the way.
“How do you know?” You ask.
Because I am honored to be his wife. And I wouldn’t settle for 2nd best.
~Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else. ~Judy Garland
~It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are. ~e.e. cummings
~Almost every man wastes part of his life in attempts to display qualities which he does not possess, and to gain applause which he cannot keep. ~Samuel Johnson, The Rambler, 1750
~Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself. ~Harvey Fierstein
~Learn to... be what you are, and learn to resign with a good grace all that you are not. ~Henri Frederic Amiel
~It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for something you are not. ~Andre Gide
Friday, April 23, 2010
Because I said so
Do you remember asking to go somewhere or do something when you were a kid? When the parent’s answer was NO, and you asked why; and their response was ‘Because I said so’.
That used to infuriate me. It still does. I hear my sister, mom, dad, my brother-in-law, my mother and father in law tell their kids and grandkids that same line. It still drives me nuts. Why?
I wanted a reason. Not because you’re the mommy reason, a solid reason. You can’t go because you have homework to do, your room isn’t clean, your grounded; just give me a reason. Explain your thought process to me and why I can’t go.
Hmmm…the parents never say that when you CAN do something. Interesting.
Then again I was a weird child. I guess that makes me a weird adult. I like explanations. I like to know the “why” to your reasoning. All the ‘because I said so’ did and still does is piss me off. Give me a reason. You obviously have one or you wouldn’t object. Tell me why. I may not like the reason, but at least you aren’t taking a cop out.
I think that parents often do that because they don’t want a confrontation. They don’t want their child all pissed off and slamming doors and giving them the silent treatment. Why? You, as an adult get mad; you slam doors and say cuss words to vent your frustrations. Why can’t they? They get frustrated too; why not teach them how to vent, so they don’t think that it’s ok to beat their child or wife or dog or wall.
Why? Because they are learning; they are growing up, and even though your 8 year old may not completely understand your reasoning behind your choice, they at least will know later that you had their best interests at heart. On occasion my mother did give me a solid reason, I often didn’t like it, but I was less pissed off than when no reason was given. Weird, I know. As an adult I know that my mom was just trying to make my childhood miserable and not let me have any fun. Ok, not really. I know that her reasons were because she had more experience and wisdom than a 10 year old. As an adult, I understand the reason for her “no’s” more than I did at 10.
Everything you do or say your children pick up on. They learn by example. They learn that it’s ok to tell “white lies”, to avoid issues, to be nice to animals from watching you. Right now, as you are raising your children, you are teaching them how to raise their children. You are teaching them how to be a responsible adult. You are teaching them how to take care of you when you get old. Is that really the example you want your kids to see? Are your actions showing them how to be the people you want them to become? What are you teaching them? What kind of person will they become based on your example? Are you sure that’s what you want?
Perhaps you should take a good look at the things that you say and do. Perhaps you should make sure that you are teaching your children how to be a responsible adult, and not make the mistakes that you have made. Consider this…if I were to ask your child or grandchild, what the most important thing to you was…what would they say? Is it different than what you would want them to say?
After spending some time with my niece and nephew this weekend I realized that the example that I am providing them hasn’t been what I wanted it to be. I also don’t want to know the answer to the above question, if I were to ask them.
I remember as a kid my mom used to tell me that I needed to be on my best behavior because I might be the only chance that “they” had to see Jesus. As a child and teenager that really didn’t have the profound impact on me that it does now. It is a powerful thought, one that we as adults, and even children shouldn’t take for granted.
Look around you right now. See that waitress, husband, parent, pet, child. You might be the only chance they have to see Jesus. What kind of reputation are you going to give Him?
Maybe you should take a look at your actions and words from their perspective.
“Why?” You ask.
Because I said so.
Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they're going to catch you in next. ~Franklin P. Jones
Children seldom misquote. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said. ~Author Unknown
It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help. ~Author Unknown
That used to infuriate me. It still does. I hear my sister, mom, dad, my brother-in-law, my mother and father in law tell their kids and grandkids that same line. It still drives me nuts. Why?
I wanted a reason. Not because you’re the mommy reason, a solid reason. You can’t go because you have homework to do, your room isn’t clean, your grounded; just give me a reason. Explain your thought process to me and why I can’t go.
Hmmm…the parents never say that when you CAN do something. Interesting.
Then again I was a weird child. I guess that makes me a weird adult. I like explanations. I like to know the “why” to your reasoning. All the ‘because I said so’ did and still does is piss me off. Give me a reason. You obviously have one or you wouldn’t object. Tell me why. I may not like the reason, but at least you aren’t taking a cop out.
I think that parents often do that because they don’t want a confrontation. They don’t want their child all pissed off and slamming doors and giving them the silent treatment. Why? You, as an adult get mad; you slam doors and say cuss words to vent your frustrations. Why can’t they? They get frustrated too; why not teach them how to vent, so they don’t think that it’s ok to beat their child or wife or dog or wall.
Why? Because they are learning; they are growing up, and even though your 8 year old may not completely understand your reasoning behind your choice, they at least will know later that you had their best interests at heart. On occasion my mother did give me a solid reason, I often didn’t like it, but I was less pissed off than when no reason was given. Weird, I know. As an adult I know that my mom was just trying to make my childhood miserable and not let me have any fun. Ok, not really. I know that her reasons were because she had more experience and wisdom than a 10 year old. As an adult, I understand the reason for her “no’s” more than I did at 10.
Everything you do or say your children pick up on. They learn by example. They learn that it’s ok to tell “white lies”, to avoid issues, to be nice to animals from watching you. Right now, as you are raising your children, you are teaching them how to raise their children. You are teaching them how to be a responsible adult. You are teaching them how to take care of you when you get old. Is that really the example you want your kids to see? Are your actions showing them how to be the people you want them to become? What are you teaching them? What kind of person will they become based on your example? Are you sure that’s what you want?
Perhaps you should take a good look at the things that you say and do. Perhaps you should make sure that you are teaching your children how to be a responsible adult, and not make the mistakes that you have made. Consider this…if I were to ask your child or grandchild, what the most important thing to you was…what would they say? Is it different than what you would want them to say?
After spending some time with my niece and nephew this weekend I realized that the example that I am providing them hasn’t been what I wanted it to be. I also don’t want to know the answer to the above question, if I were to ask them.
I remember as a kid my mom used to tell me that I needed to be on my best behavior because I might be the only chance that “they” had to see Jesus. As a child and teenager that really didn’t have the profound impact on me that it does now. It is a powerful thought, one that we as adults, and even children shouldn’t take for granted.
Look around you right now. See that waitress, husband, parent, pet, child. You might be the only chance they have to see Jesus. What kind of reputation are you going to give Him?
Maybe you should take a look at your actions and words from their perspective.
“Why?” You ask.
Because I said so.
Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they're going to catch you in next. ~Franklin P. Jones
Children seldom misquote. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said. ~Author Unknown
It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help. ~Author Unknown
Monday, April 12, 2010
Miracles
What a profound thought.
What is a miracle? According to Webster’s 800 year old dictionary that I have at work:
Miracle –n. 1. An event or action that apparently contradicts known scientific laws. 2. A remarkable thing.
So I ask again what is a miracle?
A friend on facebook today made a profound comment. Maybe not to most of you reading this, but to her, and those that know her family know how true and life changing this statement was and is.
I believe in miracles.
She believes in them, because without them, her daughter, who turned 4 several weeks ago, would be spending her days with God. Dani was born premature, and her mother May, faced life-threatening pre-eclampsia. We very nearly lost them both. In the weeks that followed Dani’s birth, May saw and lived through a miracle; the miracle of her daughter growing and getting stronger and eventually going home with her.
I believe in miracles too.
I saw them several times, when my grandfather was having heart problems and the doctors couldn’t understand what was causing it, or how to fix it. There were several nights that we should have lost him – but we didn’t.
My husband had a wreck. A car pulled out in front of him, and he T-boned it. It should have been a lot worse, and all he had was a heck of a headache, torn rotator cuff, and dislocated shoulder. Yeah, it was bad, but it could have been worse; the same for the people in the car that he hit. It was bad, but it should have been worse.
My father had two heart attacks within weeks of each other. They should have been fatal. But they weren’t.
I was reminded today that sometimes we focus on all the things that are wrong in our life that we often forget about the things that are good. I have been guilty of that here lately. I have been so focused on what is missing in my life that I have forgotten the “miracles” that I have in my life, that I have taken for granted, as well as the people.
Sometimes with school, and work, and a family it’s hard to remember that there are miracles all around us. A facebook friend of mine, who has struggled with infertility and has 4-year-old triplets, just found out that she is expecting a baby. With no doctor intervention. While most people would think that she is nuts having another baby with 3 kids already, I know, better than most, what a miracle this is for her.
Apparently I spend way too much time on facebook.
And sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.
And sometimes we forget that miracles happen in hindsight.
And sometimes we forget that even the good things falling apart are miracles in themselves. It’s a blessing in disguise. How many times have you lost your job and something better comes along? Losing the job was most definitely not a miracle, especially the days and weeks following losing it. But when that awesome new job came along, hopefully you realized that the job you lost was giving you the opportunity to find the better one. Because now you can look back and see what a blessing it was.
My husband lost a job that he loved. They fired him with no warning. We moved home, to where we both grew up. Although we have regretted the move, we don’t regret him losing the job, especially now that another company who provides the exact same product, is “taking over the world”. He would be losing his customer’s, which would hurt his bonus, which would hurt him in general, as he is big on customer satisfaction and service. Losing that particular job – definite miracle.
But ole Webster only has it partly right. Maybe a miracle should be defined as simply a remarkable thing. Just like faith should be defined as simply believing. The rest is up to you.
“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as if everything is.” ~Albert Einstein
What is a miracle? According to Webster’s 800 year old dictionary that I have at work:
Miracle –n. 1. An event or action that apparently contradicts known scientific laws. 2. A remarkable thing.
So I ask again what is a miracle?
A friend on facebook today made a profound comment. Maybe not to most of you reading this, but to her, and those that know her family know how true and life changing this statement was and is.
I believe in miracles.
She believes in them, because without them, her daughter, who turned 4 several weeks ago, would be spending her days with God. Dani was born premature, and her mother May, faced life-threatening pre-eclampsia. We very nearly lost them both. In the weeks that followed Dani’s birth, May saw and lived through a miracle; the miracle of her daughter growing and getting stronger and eventually going home with her.
I believe in miracles too.
I saw them several times, when my grandfather was having heart problems and the doctors couldn’t understand what was causing it, or how to fix it. There were several nights that we should have lost him – but we didn’t.
My husband had a wreck. A car pulled out in front of him, and he T-boned it. It should have been a lot worse, and all he had was a heck of a headache, torn rotator cuff, and dislocated shoulder. Yeah, it was bad, but it could have been worse; the same for the people in the car that he hit. It was bad, but it should have been worse.
My father had two heart attacks within weeks of each other. They should have been fatal. But they weren’t.
I was reminded today that sometimes we focus on all the things that are wrong in our life that we often forget about the things that are good. I have been guilty of that here lately. I have been so focused on what is missing in my life that I have forgotten the “miracles” that I have in my life, that I have taken for granted, as well as the people.
Sometimes with school, and work, and a family it’s hard to remember that there are miracles all around us. A facebook friend of mine, who has struggled with infertility and has 4-year-old triplets, just found out that she is expecting a baby. With no doctor intervention. While most people would think that she is nuts having another baby with 3 kids already, I know, better than most, what a miracle this is for her.
Apparently I spend way too much time on facebook.
And sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.
And sometimes we forget that miracles happen in hindsight.
And sometimes we forget that even the good things falling apart are miracles in themselves. It’s a blessing in disguise. How many times have you lost your job and something better comes along? Losing the job was most definitely not a miracle, especially the days and weeks following losing it. But when that awesome new job came along, hopefully you realized that the job you lost was giving you the opportunity to find the better one. Because now you can look back and see what a blessing it was.
My husband lost a job that he loved. They fired him with no warning. We moved home, to where we both grew up. Although we have regretted the move, we don’t regret him losing the job, especially now that another company who provides the exact same product, is “taking over the world”. He would be losing his customer’s, which would hurt his bonus, which would hurt him in general, as he is big on customer satisfaction and service. Losing that particular job – definite miracle.
But ole Webster only has it partly right. Maybe a miracle should be defined as simply a remarkable thing. Just like faith should be defined as simply believing. The rest is up to you.
“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as if everything is.” ~Albert Einstein
Friday, April 9, 2010
Life Changing
Something is seriously "off" with me. Twice in the last few months, I have felt compelled to send a message to "friends" on facebook. And I've followed through. Better check me for a fever.
I'm not an outgoing person. I don't like the attention and when all these eyeballs are looking at me, I begin to stutter and stammer and second guess every word that comes out of my mouth. Until I get to know you, then I don't shut up. I just don't do well with people I don't know. And these "friends" I don't really know anymore. One of them, I worked with many moons ago. She had been on my mind when I wasn't on Facebook, so I sent her a message. And we talked for hours one morning. There was alot going on in her life, a lot that she was struggling with. The funny thing is - she helped me more than I could have possibly helped her.
The second message, sent just yesterday, was directed to someone I went to high school with. Which was ?? ago. What? You didn't think I would reveal my true age did you. (Hint look at blog title) I haven't seen her in that long, nor talked to her. So I don't really "know" her anymore. I sent her a message too. I didn't even proofread it for fear I would change my mind.
Lately I have struggled, again, when having a baby. I whined to the doctor about it on Tuesday, I whined to my husband, and my dogs. Guess what?!? I'm..still not having a baby. I've been unhappy, and I have let this problem become larger and more in charge than it should. I have let it rule my happiness. My sanity. While it has every right too, require thought, it shouldn't rule my life.
The doctor suggested that I make up a list of things that I hated about my life. Things that if I ruled the world I would change. So I started naming things - like my weight, my unhappiness, I came up with 5 things. One of which was the child I long for. Did you know that all of those things but one are within my control to do something about? All of them. I can go on a diet, I can exercise, I can manage my time better. All of those are within my control. All it takes is effort on my part. Faith. Faith in me mostly.
She also suggested that I write a letter. A letter to the child I miscarried, and a letter to the child I haven't conceived. A letter that "lets them go". Just like when my grandparents died, I have to let that baby go. I have to grieve. I have to experience the loss and then move on. Move on. It's hard. It's scary. It's something I don't want to give up on.
The high school friend said something about praying "Lord, your will be done" and "Lord, when will". I can so relate to that. When we were first trying to get pregnant it was, if we are meant to have a baby, then let it happen. The more time passed it became when will I get pregnant. When did I lose faith? When I got tired, because I wasn't getting the results I wanted in Abby Time. I forgot about God's plan, about His bigger picture. About being right where He wanted me to be.
Last night I had an epiphany. Brace yourselves. This is big.
I realized that maybe, just maybe, I have dealt with all of this, suffered through it all it, so that for these two people, I could use my pain, to help them deal with theirs. To help them remain faithful. To help them, help me. God has plans for me. Plans so great that I can't even begin to imagine them. Plans that I'm excited to learn about. Plans that may or may not be the things I want for myself.
I had wanted to change their lives, their perspectives, and instead they ended up changing mine.
~The best way to change your life is to change someone else. ~Author unknown
"It is said an Eastern monarch once charged his wise men to invent him a sentence to be ever in view, and which should be true and appropriate in all times and situations. They presented him the words: "And this, too, shall pass away.""
~ Abraham Lincoln
I'm not an outgoing person. I don't like the attention and when all these eyeballs are looking at me, I begin to stutter and stammer and second guess every word that comes out of my mouth. Until I get to know you, then I don't shut up. I just don't do well with people I don't know. And these "friends" I don't really know anymore. One of them, I worked with many moons ago. She had been on my mind when I wasn't on Facebook, so I sent her a message. And we talked for hours one morning. There was alot going on in her life, a lot that she was struggling with. The funny thing is - she helped me more than I could have possibly helped her.
The second message, sent just yesterday, was directed to someone I went to high school with. Which was ?? ago. What? You didn't think I would reveal my true age did you. (Hint look at blog title) I haven't seen her in that long, nor talked to her. So I don't really "know" her anymore. I sent her a message too. I didn't even proofread it for fear I would change my mind.
Lately I have struggled, again, when having a baby. I whined to the doctor about it on Tuesday, I whined to my husband, and my dogs. Guess what?!? I'm..still not having a baby. I've been unhappy, and I have let this problem become larger and more in charge than it should. I have let it rule my happiness. My sanity. While it has every right too, require thought, it shouldn't rule my life.
The doctor suggested that I make up a list of things that I hated about my life. Things that if I ruled the world I would change. So I started naming things - like my weight, my unhappiness, I came up with 5 things. One of which was the child I long for. Did you know that all of those things but one are within my control to do something about? All of them. I can go on a diet, I can exercise, I can manage my time better. All of those are within my control. All it takes is effort on my part. Faith. Faith in me mostly.
She also suggested that I write a letter. A letter to the child I miscarried, and a letter to the child I haven't conceived. A letter that "lets them go". Just like when my grandparents died, I have to let that baby go. I have to grieve. I have to experience the loss and then move on. Move on. It's hard. It's scary. It's something I don't want to give up on.
The high school friend said something about praying "Lord, your will be done" and "Lord, when will". I can so relate to that. When we were first trying to get pregnant it was, if we are meant to have a baby, then let it happen. The more time passed it became when will I get pregnant. When did I lose faith? When I got tired, because I wasn't getting the results I wanted in Abby Time. I forgot about God's plan, about His bigger picture. About being right where He wanted me to be.
Last night I had an epiphany. Brace yourselves. This is big.
I realized that maybe, just maybe, I have dealt with all of this, suffered through it all it, so that for these two people, I could use my pain, to help them deal with theirs. To help them remain faithful. To help them, help me. God has plans for me. Plans so great that I can't even begin to imagine them. Plans that I'm excited to learn about. Plans that may or may not be the things I want for myself.
I had wanted to change their lives, their perspectives, and instead they ended up changing mine.
~The best way to change your life is to change someone else. ~Author unknown
"It is said an Eastern monarch once charged his wise men to invent him a sentence to be ever in view, and which should be true and appropriate in all times and situations. They presented him the words: "And this, too, shall pass away.""
~ Abraham Lincoln
Thursday, April 1, 2010
April Fool's!!
I missed my snow phone call this morning. I missed it last year too. And the year before that. And the year before that. And the...
My grandfather called me every year before i went to work, or school, usually I was still sleeping when I got the call, urging me to get up and look outside at the snow that had miraculously fallen overnight. Not once was there snow. One year, he had my grandmother call, and when I finally caved and looked out my bedroom window, there was his face. He scared me half to death. He walked away chuckling and I probably thought evil thoughts about my revenge. Revenge that never came. See, April Fools wasn't the only day of the year he made up "lies" and fed them to me. He did it every day of the year.
One year, my husband, thought it would be amusing, and I am sure from his standpoint it was priceless, called and told me that he had been fired. At the time I was delivering the newspaper, and he was our sole source of income. While I helped, we needed his check too. So naturally I was worried. And he was lying. How he kept a straight voice, as he did it via telephone, I will never know.
I have tried to come up with something equally believable every year, and yet most of the attempts that have been made, are done, are not successfully pulled off. Not because I can't keep a straight face or anything, but because they start chanting "April Fool's! April Fool's! Before I even get halfway through my explanation. Maybe I need a new strategy. Maybe I will never be the "fooler" quite as well as my grandfather, or my husband (but don't tell him I said so). Maybe I am too sweet for anything that I say like that to be believable. No comments from the peanut gallery on that one.
Pregnant? Odds aren't likely. Becoming a lesbian and moving off with my best friend? Might be believable if she lived closer. Moving? Tried that one-didn't work the first time. Lost my job? Yeah right. Divorce? Interesting. But probably not believable either. Hmmmm.
I guess I am just stuck with snow, for now.
My grandfather called me every year before i went to work, or school, usually I was still sleeping when I got the call, urging me to get up and look outside at the snow that had miraculously fallen overnight. Not once was there snow. One year, he had my grandmother call, and when I finally caved and looked out my bedroom window, there was his face. He scared me half to death. He walked away chuckling and I probably thought evil thoughts about my revenge. Revenge that never came. See, April Fools wasn't the only day of the year he made up "lies" and fed them to me. He did it every day of the year.
One year, my husband, thought it would be amusing, and I am sure from his standpoint it was priceless, called and told me that he had been fired. At the time I was delivering the newspaper, and he was our sole source of income. While I helped, we needed his check too. So naturally I was worried. And he was lying. How he kept a straight voice, as he did it via telephone, I will never know.
I have tried to come up with something equally believable every year, and yet most of the attempts that have been made, are done, are not successfully pulled off. Not because I can't keep a straight face or anything, but because they start chanting "April Fool's! April Fool's! Before I even get halfway through my explanation. Maybe I need a new strategy. Maybe I will never be the "fooler" quite as well as my grandfather, or my husband (but don't tell him I said so). Maybe I am too sweet for anything that I say like that to be believable. No comments from the peanut gallery on that one.
Pregnant? Odds aren't likely. Becoming a lesbian and moving off with my best friend? Might be believable if she lived closer. Moving? Tried that one-didn't work the first time. Lost my job? Yeah right. Divorce? Interesting. But probably not believable either. Hmmmm.
I guess I am just stuck with snow, for now.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
LinkWithin
Posts
