Evil, Horrible Daughter - in - law

I had hoped that time would work. I had hoped that Papa's drawn out illness would work. I had hoped.

But, I had a feeling that it wouldn't. I had a feeling that things would go back to the same, once my mother-in-law, the matriarch of that particular family had returned. Unfortunately I was right.

I'm back to being evil and avoided. Sometimes I really don't understand family. I don't understand how they can think that they can push me away and have their son in their life too. It hurts him just as much, if not more than it does me. My parents haven't always loved John and the choices that he has made, but they have respected them, and they have kept their mouth shut, and they have at least treated him with some form of courtesy, some form of decency.

I can't make them love me, I can't make them like me. But I would hope that they were all raised to at least be nice to me. Instead, when I speak, what I say is glossed over. Like I never said it. They probably would have preferred that I said nothing at Papa's memorial. Instead of reading this. They probably wish I hadn't shown up.

I can speculate for days.

But instead of a turning point in a relationship. I learned that today, my mother-in-law buys her Scentsy from someone else. Simply for the fact that she doesn't have to see me. I'm not surprised, I'm not even that hurt by it anymore (contrary to the ranting I have been doing). What bothers me the most is that everyone else follows suit. If my mother in law doesn't approve, then John's brother and sister can't either.  They are ruining their relationship with their son, and they don't even see it. That's what bothers me.

Papa's death has left regrets with many. I don't want them to wake up in a few years and regret the choices that they have made. I don't want them to keep pushing him away. He too, has realized that things are back to "normal". No more texts, no more calls, no more.

One day, there will be no more. Now, that's a text message I would love to send, broadcast to a family. They won't live forever, their won't be a good time to "fix" their relationship. We won't live forever either.

Now, the only thing left to do is wonder. What happens from here?

Relationships

I have a variety of people around me who are married, have a boyfriend/girlfriend that they have been together for a long period of time, and those who are single, and I'm always amazed at the stuff that I hear and how it compare to my own relationship with my husband.

I have been married for 11 years and my husband and I dated 7 months before we got married. Quick, absolutely. But we were sure. Obviously we did something right somewhere.

Now don't get me wrong, we have our share of problems, and we have had a few doozies over the years. My husband has a bad habit of not telling me when he is stressed out and instead he doesn't tell me stuff (or keeps secrets) that just gets him into a whole heap of trouble with me.

We fight, we make up, we move on. Yet for the most part I think that we have a good relationship. I don't feel like I have to keep secrets from him (and he better quit doing it to me or I just might have to find him in a dark alley and beat him up). We don't make decisions without talking things over with each other first. We don't buy expensive items, or even lots of inexpensive items and not tell each other. Even though our sex life has suffered since I went back to school, things are still good and actually according to most of the people we know in relationships and info that they have volunteered, above average amongst our friends and family.

Yet since I have started school I realize now how much more work our relationship takes. We are still spending time together, but so much of it now involves me studying and doing homework, whereas we used to spend most evenings together just watching TV and hanging out. So instead of just being together now like we were, we have to both be more open to communicated and talking about things than we were. We are forced to make time now. And amazingly so, I don't like that. I miss the openness and lack of forced "quality" time that we spent together.

I know that this is just an adjustment period and that we are both trying to find a way to fit our marriage into the current situation.

It's just like everything else, some days we do great and others we fail miserably.

It makes me appreciate the time we get together and make the most of it, instead of just letting the time pass us by. It reminds me about how special all those moments are, even if they come at odd times. It reminds me to never take any of it for granted.