Love....and Valentine's Day

I love Valentine’s Day. It’s a chance to celebrate love. With your spouse, your parents, your siblings, your children, your pets. Yes, I said pets. You DO love them, don’t you?

I was working on homework and listening to the radio this afternoon, and was amazed by what I heard people calling in to comment on about the approaching lovefest. Many of them expected their spouses to be extravagant and romantic, they wanted flowers, candy, a nice dinner, diamonds and pearls. No, they didn’t want – they demanded.

Uh…did I not get proper Valentine’s Day etiquette, installed while I was in the factory? Diamonds? Pearls? Heck, I’m happy with a card and dinner.

I was thinking back over the past 10 years of Valentine’s Days and was surprised. Do you know what I remember? Are you sure you can handle it? Are you sitting down? It might surprise you.

I remember our first year together, we had been married a few months, and we spent our first Valentine’s Day in the ER. My husband had gotten bite by a dog earlier that day. I think we had a hamburger for dinner, but I’m not sure.

And the year after that? And the next year? And the next year?

Nothing. Zilch. Zip. Nadda. Absolutely nothing. (Sorry honey!)

I’m not a big jewelry person, my husband has bought me 4 pieces of jewelry in 10 years. The necklace he got me for Christmas/Birthday/Anniversary 2 months ago. The diamond ring he bought me 2 years before that. The new wedding ring I got for our 1st anniversary, and the engagement ring he bought when he asked me to marry him. But those four pieces mean something to me, they are special. I don’t know how special jewelry would be if I “required” some each year.

Flowers are nice, but after a few days they wilt and die. So I usually get Tulips in March, because they are my absolute favorite flower, and he knows this.

Dinner, yeah, we usually go out to eat. Not typically anywhere fancy, usually Carinos. Because it’s one of my favorite places to eat at. And we exchange cards. But that’s it. No big tokens of love, no jewelry, no diamonds, no pearls.

According to the ladies on the radio, he doesn’t love me like he should.

That goes to show what they know, or maybe what they don’t know.

Love isn’t found in diamonds, or pearls, or flowers, or fancy restaurants. Love is found in the little things. It’s in the details.

It’s in the things that John does without even thinking about it. Like wiping the snow off my truck this morning so I could go to work, and letting me sit in the nice warm truck while he got all wet and snow covered. Like, in starting dinner when he gets home early. Calling me just to say hi. Laying in the bedroom at night and telling me how happy I make him. Letting me cross stitch past bed-time. Letting me stick my cold hands to his warm back when I get into bed at night. His love is simply there, in everything he does, whether he means for it to be or not. It’s there.

No, he doesn’t buy me diamonds, or pearls, or take me out to extravagant dinners. He doesn’t have too. I would be perfectly happy staying home and eating cereal for dinner and running around the house in my pj’s, and he knows that too.

He knows that I don’t “require” certain behaviors, or gifts, or fancy meals. He knows that I’m simple and easy to please. He also knows that I love him the other 364 days a year too. He doesn’t have to buy my love for another year today, he already has it. And if he never bought me another Valentine’s Day card again? That would be OK too. Because I don’t need Hallmark to tell me that he loves me, and it makes my heart ache, that those women on the radio do. They take those “men” in their lives for granted. And if those “men” were suddenly gone, they wouldn’t miss the diamonds and fancy dinners on Valentine’s Day. Or maybe they would.

I would miss all those things I mentioned earlier, the phone calls, the hugs, the voice messages, the emails, simply I would miss him.

So my question is this – What is Valentine’s Day? Is it about the diamonds and pearls? Or is it about celebrating your love?

While the day should be a blessing, I believe that to those many important men in our lives, it is a chore. Maybe it shouldn’t be. It’s not to late to change that, you still have the chance to show your significant other, that they mean more to you than the gifts. That those “gifts” aren’t a requirement. That maybe, just maybe, he means more to you than what he can buy you. That you love him for him, not because of what he gives you.

Besides, I don’t think any diamond necklace could top him giving me his heart. Do you?


“How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.”
~Elizabeth Barrett Browning

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trust, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” ~1Corinthians 13:1-8

“My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me.”
~Henry Ford

Chances

chance- n - 1. the happening of events without apparent cause; luck 2. an unpredictable event 3. a risk or a gamble 4. a ticket in a lottery 5. an opportunity 6. possibility or probibility

second - adj. - 1. coming after the first 2. another of the same kind; other

Now that you have had your vocabulary lesson for the day. You knew I would get my sarcasm in here somewehere. :)

Chances. First. Second. Last. We have all heard them, we have all used them, and we have all given them. Baseball players have three chances to hit the ball before they strike out. Some parents give three warnings before punishing their child. They are all chances to get it right, to make it right before it's too late.

This morning as I got to work and opened up my internet as MSN loaded, I was reminded of how there aren't always second chances. Sometimes, you only get one chance to get it right.

My husband forces me (read asks me) if I want to watch Deadliest Catch, I pretend to be indifferent, but the entire show is really cool. It's like take the world to work day. Makes me look at crab in a whole new way. Anyway - last season, one of the Captians on one of the regular boats had a serious health scare. He had a blood clot in his lung. This isn't often something that you walk away from. He was told that his lifestyle had contributed to this problem. He was told to change his life - quit smoking - eat better - less stress. He attempted all of this, for about 24 hours. Then decided that he knew better than the doctor's, that he knew the bigger picture and that he would undoubtedly be given another chance. A few days ago, he found out differently as he suffered a major stroke and died. There was no third chance.

My dad had a heart attack in April of last year, which completely changed his life forever. He is retired at 52. Not by choice, but because of the damage that he suffered because of the heart attack. He attempted to change his lifestyle, but like anyone who has ever tried to do that, it is hard. He quit smoking, he had finally started watching what he was eating better. More than just paying attention to sodium. Until sometime around Thanksgiving. He and my mom have been under a lot of stress. They both quit smoking and they had smoked for 30+ years. My father had gotten over the grouchiness and was "normal" again. My mom - yeah, she was still in that grouchy no patience phase. They had been fighting and stressing - and decided to start smoking again, or kill each other. Hmmm...what do you think that the smoking is doing? Makes me wonder what his blood thickness would be reading now...after he has been smoking a few months again. After reading the story on MSN this morning, it got me to thinking - what chance is he on? Is this his second and will there be a third, or is this his last?

Thankfully those aren't questions that I know the answer too. That's between him and God. And while I agree that when it's your time to die, you are going to die, be it by heart attack, car accident, or breaking your big toe and it getting infected and dying from blood poisioning, or demons attacking. (whoa...been watching way to much Charmed.) It's his life, and his choice, and his chance. I do believe that God is like any other parent, he only gives you so many chances to get stuff right, and then he moves on. He already knows what you are going to do anyway.

We face chances all the time, at work, at home, at school, driving, eating (after you have had severe food poisioning that you nearly died from), health. How many chances have I wasted? How many have I screwed up? How many have moved on? How many times was there only one chance? My husband had a severe wreck, that changed the way he drives forever, is he working on his second chance, or his last? No one really knows. The important thing - not to waste them. Especially if it could be your last.

To read the story click here -----> Phil Harris - Deadliest Catch

"Never let the odds keep you from doing what you know in your heart you were meant to do."~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

"Progress always involves risks. You can't steal second base and keep your foot on first. "~ Frederick B. Wilcox

Book Review: The Long Way Home

I have taken on a new little project. Reviewing books. A friend set me up with doing it, and this is my first review. As I read the books I will be posting a review here as well as several other places. So for the 3 people who read this blog, enjoy the reviews.

The Long Way Home is the second book in the Homelander series that continues to follow Charlie West. Charlie woke up one day and an entire year of his life was completely gone. He had no memory of the events of the past year; the murder of his friend, his association with the Homelanders, or falling in love with the girl of his dreams. Andrew Klavan has does a great job of pulling you in and keep you guessing until the end. I was surprised to find that I enjoyed this book as much as I did. Klavan does an amazing job of writing to a young adult as well as a 30-something. He throws in “life lessons” that we all need to be reminded of from time to time; believing in yourself, having faith, and the power of friends. There are twists and turns and surprising revelations by Charlie as he searches for the truth and for the year he lost. This is an amazing tale of having faith and believing in yourself. I am looking forward to continuing reading the rest of the books in this series. This book was provided by Thomas Nelson

Addictions

Hello, my name is Abby and I'm addicted to recipes. And cross stitch, and crochet, and precious moments.

Geez, no wonder I never have any time, money, and weigh more than I should.

I suppose I should add school to that list, but it is definitely not something I want to continue forever, just a temporary annoyance. I digress.

I have tons of recipes. I get so many cooking newsletters every day, week, and month that I could probably print 200+ recipes a month if I printed them all. That doesn't include the cooking magazine I subscribe to or the cook books that I buy or have inherited.

I could probably cook a new recipe a day for the rest of my life and at the rate new recipes pop up, I could never cook them all.

So why print new recipes if I can't cook them all? I don't know. Because I love to cook. It's therapeutic, and some days chopping an onion beats chopping my husband, plus one involves prison, and I would rather avoid that.

I love to cook, I love finding a new recipe and making it, and then tweaking it, although some don't need tweaking. Then forcing my husband and other innocent bystanders to eat it. None have died yet, and most rarely complain.

Last night for dinner we had one of my favorite things, risotto. (I'll post the recipe later.) It is time consuming, but the end result is so worth it.

I guess that's why I like cooking and cross stitch for that matter. You are creating something. You are starting out with a blank canvas, or a bunch of ingredients and creating something. Not everyone can do it. You can learn how to cook, but you may never feel passionate about it, you may never be that good at it, just good enough to get by. Or you may be great at it. I don't create my own recipes. I typically alter other recipes. Mostly because I am too chicken to venture out on my own.

Kinda like this blog, I was so afraid to put ME on display like this, that I would crash and burn. Then I realized that I'm the only one who would care if I failed. So I took the plunge and here I am. Doing something that I'm actually enjoying. Kinda like cooking, and cross stitching.

Now, I better go clean out my email, and maybe find a few new recipes too try.

Where are you Christmas?

Where are you Christmas? Why can't I find you?

This thought has plagued me for weeks now. Where is Christmas? Where is the excitement that I found as a child? Where is the excitement I found a few years ago? Am I really getting so old that, as my grandfather used to say "It's just another day"? Where are you Christmas? Is it because I didn't put up any Christmas decorations? Why can't I find you?

I think that it is perhaps a combination of a lot of things. Christmas, as well as most other holidays, is actually a stress filled few days. We have 3 families to juggle, and this year there will actually be 4 "Christmas" days. I guess the older I get the more Scrooge like I am becoming. I'm not anti-Christmas just anti-presents. Yes, even the receiving of presents.

It seems like each year the shopping for gifts for our family is less fun and more demanding. Suddenly we are "required" to get gifts for people who are family, but we hardly see and really aren't close too. So it becomes a chore and a headache to find them something. We combined a gift for our niece, and 2 nephews this year. I'm sure that my in-laws as well as the children will be less than thrilled, but what do you buy for children you see twice a year? What do you buy for adults whom you haven't been to there home in 5 years? And if they don't want the present then my husband and I will gladly take it as we both love board games! I even no longer feel that the things that I make are gift worthy after comments made over different handmade gifts. The best one was probably the comment that came with the fake smile about how great it was - and where did I buy it so that they could exchange it for different colors. My personal favorite was the comment that said they didn't realize that we were having financial problems and couldn't afford to buy them something nice. So after this year - no more handmade gifts, except to my mother and my 9 year old niece. Because they both understand the time that went into them. Of course I said that last year too, and my in-laws, whom I hoping aren't reading this, are both getting a handmade something this year. I'll post pictures later. Just in case.

This post is becoming more rant like as I type.

Where are you Christmas? Why can't I find you?

In my perfect world, I would love to only exchange gifts with children. Why? Because most often they are the only ones who haven't "learned" how to react and show real emotions at their gifts. Give a kid a sweater and a Zhu Zhu pet and see the difference. It's priceless, and it is honesty at it's best. Plus they don't re gift or return gifts. It's always perfect. Yes, even the sweater.

As an adult we have been taught to show how fabulous each present is, even when we hate it. I'll admit that I have re gifted, and returned my fair share of things. Most of those gifts have come from people who were family, co-workers, friends and even strangers at Christmas parties. They have just been looking for a "gift", not for something that I would necessarily want. I have family members who are not, and this year, for the first time in my life, I have bought 5 gift cards and gave cash to another just because of the simple fact that they are hard to buy for, and my heart wasn't into it. I try to take the time to find the "perfect" gift, and it's becoming a chore, especially since no one else seems to really care anymore.

Where are you Christmas? Why can't I find you?

I know that at the end of the song - Christmas is found. This year? Probably not at our house. We have the true meaning of Christmas in our hearts year round. Which is celebrating the birth of a savior.

So maybe we have found Christmas after all. Maybe we never really lost it.

And as for next year - we are doing something different with the whole gift giving. We aren't. We are going from 30 people - yes, that is just immediate family and two of our close friends to 6. Instead, we are going to take the money we would have spent on the other 24 people and give it to a charity who provides Christmas to children who otherwise wouldn't have one. Giving wonder, hope, faith, and love to a child and helping mom and dad find Christmas. Isn't that what it's supposed to be about anyway? Besides, I'll save our family valuable time - they won't have to stand in the return line the day after Christmas.

I'm keeping things simple this year - no excessive baking - no fancy Christmas day dinner. I'm making a cheesecake Christmas eve or Christmas Day. We are having steaks, patrician potatoes, salad, rolls, and green beans for dinner. We are going to have grilled cheese sandwiches and soup for lunch. And stuffed french toast for breakfast, mostly because I want to make it. :) I'm going to spend Saturday with my parents, stepsister and her family and my best friend since like the 1st grade. Just hanging out, and laughing and catching up with her, because I don't see her as often as I would like too. And a trip to the in-laws because my husband won't be here for Christmas with his brother. Otherwise, I'm going to enjoy my days off from school, cross stitch, hopefully finish a border on an afghan that I'm finishing that my grandmother had started before she died. Maybe - just maybe - we can find Christmas. Maybe the rest of our family can too.

"Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. 'What if Christmas,' he thought, 'doesn't come from a store? What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more?'" ~Dr. Seuss

New Baby Syndrome

It's official. I have been diagnosed with New Baby Syndrome.

First, let me explain. Have you ever had a friend who gets pregnant and all they talk about is baby? Or they meet a new guy and all you hear about is him? New car? House? Dog? Cat? Can opener?

My husband's grandparents were here from Las Vegas over Thanksgiving. I started new classes that week. I was a little overwhelmed with homework, and I did something that most people would call tacky and rude; I took my laptop with me so that I could work on homework while I was at my mother-in-laws (MIL) house.

Yeah.

I'm a big family person. Especially grandparents. I had a unique relationship with my grandparents, and my husband has a special relationship with this particular set of grandparents. I know that it was pretty awful of me to do, but on the other hand what would have been said if I had just stayed home. Probably worse things than what was.

I decided to go back to school at 30. I have a family (husband and two puppies), a job (bookkeeper/office manager), house (with an extra person - Brad's grandfather) to take care of. Add homework to that and things get kinda scary every once in a while. Sometimes I really wish that we could swap shoes with other people and let them walk a mile in ours and perhaps they would understand. Thankfully, after a little explaining on my part, and a grandfather who went back to college at 40, an understanding was reached. So not all was lost.

Or so I thought.

I lost out both ways. I felt extra stressed out because I was trying to do homework in a short amount of time and spend time with his grandparents. It was one of those weeks that made me wonder if I was doing the right thing. If I was going to do anything more than piss off both of our families, or if perhaps they could understand.

I went to college right out of high school. I also worked full time and took 12 hours and somehow managed to commute 2 hours round trip every day. Until I had a melt down. One can't live on 4-5 hours of sleep for months with no break. Sure, I could go back to a traditional university. But instead of graduating in 2012, I would probably graduate in 2020. Seriously. I would be 40 before I even graduated, and I would still have my masters to obtain. I don't want to be 40 and still working at a job that is great, but just not what I really want to be doing.

How does this all relate to new baby syndrome?

I eat, sleep, think, and here lately dream about school. Yeah, I lead such an exciting life. I also have been thinking about this from a different perspective. When I make up my mind that I am going to do something - I'm going to do it. I kinda focus on it, and let everything else take a back seat. It's probably not the most productive attitude to have, but sometimes we need to give something our all in order for the job to get done.

I want this so bad that I can taste it, but I don't want to graduate and none of my family still be speaking to me. How do you explain to someone how things in your life are like and give them a taste of things in your shoes?

Realistically - you can't. I can only tell them that I'm busy with school, and hope that they understand how important this is too me, and how much I want and need their support. Even if it means an inconvenience for a while.

Maybe this is one of those little lessons that life throws at you to make you step back and realize that your priorities might need to be adjusted. Or maybe this is a chance. A chance to grow and change and become a better person. Maybe God is preparing me for something bigger and worse to deal with. Maybe this is the worst. Maybe we are teaching someone else a life lesson.

"If you could be or do anything & not fail... What would you be or do?" ~UOP

"It is never too late to become what you might have become."~ George Eliot

"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as if everything is. "~ Albert Einstein

"There is no such thing in anyone's life as an unimportant day."~ Alexander Woollcott

"Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does."~ William James

"It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end."~ Ursula K. Le Guin

"Your work is to discover your world and then with all your heart give yourself to it. "~ The Buddha

"I will not die an unlived life. I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire. I choose to inhabit my days, to allow my living to open me, to make me less afraid, more accessible, to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise. I choose to risk my significance; to live so that which comes to me as seed goes to the next as blossom and that which comes to me as blossom, goes on as fruit."~ Dawna Markova

Something I'm not

I always wanted to be a blonde. I honestly have no clue why.

I wanted to have blonde hair that looked like I had just stepped out of the salon with a fresh, tight spiral perm. And I wanted blue eyes. I don’t have a clue as to why those were the features that I would change.

Instead I got thick brown, curly on some days, frizzy on others, seriously confused hair and big brown, puppy dog eyes. The eyes don’t get me much of anything, but they work wonders for my dogs.

Why is it that no one is ever completely and totally happy with the way they look? There is always at least one thing that they would change. Today, when I honestly thought about why I wanted those features I couldn’t answer you. It can’t be so I could have more fun. I have tons of fun. Ok, so before going back to school, I remember having fun once upon a time ago. So why?

Do we use our looks/weight/brains as an excuse? I didn’t get the job or the grade, because I’m a brunette, or not blonde. Is that really how society works? I think that most people like to think so. I think that we have been programmed to need a scapegoat; that we need someone or something to blame, other than ourselves. I think that we have been taught that failure is “ok”. Just cover it up, place the blame somewhere else and pretend like nothing happened. Don’t get me wrong, failure is awesome, probably not when you screw up or immediately thereafter. But you learn, you figure out what worked and what didn’t and you move on. At least that's what I thought.

I think that we are sending out the wrong message to our children about failure. They are growing up thinking that everything should be handed to them, that they shouldn’t earn their successes or their rewards. I can understand building up a child’s confidence when they are 3-4 years old and letting them “win”. Why? It gives them the security that they need to attempt something. It gives them the confidence to even try. I do believe that the older they get that they need to learn to accept defeat and without a temper tantrum as well. As an adult we fail on a daily basis. Some mistakes are so big that they completely change our lives; while some or only an inconvenience. We screw up, we are human, and it’s to be expected. These kids that have never learned how to fail are doomed. What are they going to do when their car breaks down and they don’t have the money to fix it? What are they going to do when they are turned down for a job, because there was a better candidate? Flip out? Commit suicide? Throw a temper tantrum in the elevator? Probably so.

I’m all for trying and failing. It teaches you patience, perseverance, sympathy and even a little humility. It also teaches you how to bandage broken toes and patch holes in walls. It teaches you how to bite your tongue when you would like to tell your boss where to place his "idea". Life doesn’t always work out the way you plan. You don’t always get the job you want, the promotion or picked first for the team. Some days you are going to feel like the biggest dunce on the planet; and other days, you will feel like you are on top of the world.

What’s my point? I am taking a class from hell at the moment. This class is taking every bit of my patience, perseverance, and knowledge, just to make it through. It is taking three times the amount of studying just to keep my head above water. It’s hard, and right now it is all that stands in my way. It is the only thing keeping me from taking another step towards my dream of a bachelor’s degree. Are there going to be harder classes? Unfortunately, I’m afraid so.

It’s just another boulder that I’m trying to turn into a stepping-stone. If I let this one class stand in my way, if I expected to pass the class without doing any of the work, then my journey would end here. Plus I wouldn't gain anything. But because I have learned how to fail gracefully, I can keep working with that boulder until it falls into place. I may not maintain my A average, but even if I fail, as long as I have learned something and don’t give up, then have I really failed? Or did I just learn what not to do next time?



“Failure is only the opportunity to begin again, only this time more wisely.” ~Henry Ford